I was single for a long time before my current relationship...like four years. And I was okay with that. I wasn't about to lower my standards just to be in a relationship or not be the only single person in a room. One thing I liked about being single was only having to consider myself in my decisions. Because I know me...I know my personality. I know I have a tendency to put the person I'm with before myself. And well, when this "I" became a "We" despite my independent tendencies, it happened again. And my mom warned me about this. She warned me that in love, it's easy to forget about what you want and what you need for the other person. I've done that. And I can't even blame my boyfriend. He didn't ask me to be super accommodating and considerate. He didn't ask me to manipulate my plans so that they work for him too. Yeah...I wish he would acknowledge it more often, but he didn't ask me to put myself second so I can't be mad at him.
I sit here and I think about my future and he is in it. So much to the point that every night before I go to bed, I think about when he gets off work and plan my entire day's schedule so that I will be done by the time he gets off. So much so that when I decided I wanted to move overseas to Australia after I finish my Ph.D, in doing my research, I found out what would be easiest for him in the profession he wants to be in. I researched how he could do what he wants to do in Australia. And I want to go when I graduate, but he may not be done with school. I automatically just said, "okay...I'll just wait." THAT IS RIDICULOUS!! It didn't cross my mind to ask him to adjust his plans. It is my idea so I feel obligated to do the research, invest all of the energy, make the plans to save money, and adjust my plans because it is MY plan. But I want him in my life so I should be willing to sacrifice for us. Yep...us. I'm not sacrificing for me but for us. And what is he doing?
I am pissed off at myself for being complicit in this. I am pissed because I should know better. In every past relationship I was the one waiting. I was the one being patient. I was the one investing everything I had into something I believed was important. I was the one sacrificing and being the most accommodating and low-maintenance girlfriend on the planet. And they were just being themselves. They were walking around not noticing that in every decision I made, I thought about them. I was the one...making myself less important than the person I was with.
I'm going to have to stop. The "We" has go to go!!! It's nice to picture my life with this person, but it's detrimental to my "self." It overshadows who I am and what I want. I didn't think this was love. I didn't think that in order to be a couple, I had to be compromising. (and making compromises and compromising myself are two different things) It was so much easier when I just loved myself.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Managing my Life...Not Just A Disease
I almost died. Yes...I almost died. Seven years ago I was put in the hospital with a blood glucose of 965; normal is between 60 and 100. After my five days in the hospital and learning how to check my glucose level, give myself insulin shots, and learn new nutritional habits, I was sent home to now manage my new diagnosis of type 1 Diabetes. It is scary sitting in a hospital bed while you are waiting to be discharged and have a doctor tell you that you almost died. It's like now I have to spend the rest of my life trying NOT to die.
I was sad after getting Diabetes. It was and continues to be stressful, frustrating, aggravating, and imposing. Sometimes I sit in my bed and wonder if I really will have to do this for the rest of my life. I ask God for stem cell research to advance in my lifetime so they can finally have a way to regenerate insulin producing cells in the pancreas. Every three days I will have to fill a reservoir with insulin and stick myself with a needle. Every day I have to think about the carbs in what I'm eating, and if I don't know the specific number, take a guess. I have to think about doing what I can so that one day I don't have to have a limb amputated or become blind because I didn't manage the disease well.
Sometimes I feel like I'm being punished. There is nothing I can do about this damn disease besides treat it; there isn't currently a cure. I want to live a good life. I want to be as healthy as I can, and so I have to make sure to manage my blood sugar levels. And honestly, it's a never-ending struggle. Managing diabetes becomes more difficult as I get older, so if I don't keep it under control now, it will never be. And let's not talk about the potential dangers and complications when I have children. I don't even want to think about that.
My endocrinologist told me that losing weight would help in managing my disease. (It's interesting that I call it my disease. I own it; it doesn't own me). I have type 1 so it wasn't brought on my weight issues. But, the less you weigh, the less insulin you need. Because guess what; insulin makes you gain weight. So the medication I need to live makes me gain weight, which is completely counterproductive. So now on top of the insulin I take Symlin. It is a medication that does a couple of things. First, it slows the emptying of my stomach so I get full quicker and eat less. And, it only allows half of the sugar I consume to be absorbed into my system. So it helps me lose weight in more than one way. The only bad side effect is that if I eat too much, I will feel bad, like painfully full. Also, the first few times I took it, it made me nauseated. (That doesn't usually happen anymore) So in order to combat the negative side effects of the medicine I need to live, I had to add another medication to my regiment. Sounds fun doesn't it.
Now, the rest of the time I feel like this disease has been a blessing. One thing is that I am definitely more conscious of what I eat. I don't eat healthy 24/7, but even being more aware of it has made me be more careful about how much of anything I put into my body. So many times we go through life on automatic; we do things without even thinking about them. I started just being more aware of my eating habits and that increase in awareness has trickled down to other parts of my life. I feel like I've become more conscious of my existence.
When I eat something now, I look at how much insulin it is going to take to keep my blood sugar normal and I ask myself "is this piece of double fudge chocolate cake the size of a small plate worth it?" The answer is usually no. So guess what...I eat a few bites. (You thought I was going to say no to the cake altogether right?) My doctor never told me I had to give up the things I loved to eat unless I was just completely incapable of self control. I gained self control and now I can have a few bites of cake and be fine. Actually, while writing this blog I was eating some candy corn. A serving of candy corn is 20 pieces so I took the amount of insulin I would need for twenty pieces. After I had the 10th piece, I was done. I'm trying to lose weight so I'm reducing the sweets. The most I eat of any candy is one serving; most times I just have half. As a result, it doesn't take that much sweet to satisfy my sweet tooth anymore. The only reason why I kept eating was because I had already taken the insulin for it and I didn't want my sugar to crash.
There goes another bad side effect to diabetes. Let me tell you...I much rather my sugar be too high than low. The feeling I get when my sugar is crashing is awful. I often can't move because any movement makes me feel like I'm going to pass out. I also get very quiet and very still, and I am easily irritated. The irritation comes from just wanting to feel better again. It also becomes hard for me to breathe. My mom gets the shakes really bad but I don't get those. And after my sugar has returned to normal, I get very tired and sleepy. It's like my body has expended all of its energy trying to return to homeostasis and there isn't any left.
So seven years after diagnosis, I am reflecting on what I have learned. I have definitely learned that a little inconvenience, no matter how annoying, is worth my life. I've learned that I can manage this disease and I have the confidence to do it. And I've learned that it's okay to get annoyed that I have a disease that will potentially be with me for the rest of my life. And I'm finally okay with that...maybe. :)
I was sad after getting Diabetes. It was and continues to be stressful, frustrating, aggravating, and imposing. Sometimes I sit in my bed and wonder if I really will have to do this for the rest of my life. I ask God for stem cell research to advance in my lifetime so they can finally have a way to regenerate insulin producing cells in the pancreas. Every three days I will have to fill a reservoir with insulin and stick myself with a needle. Every day I have to think about the carbs in what I'm eating, and if I don't know the specific number, take a guess. I have to think about doing what I can so that one day I don't have to have a limb amputated or become blind because I didn't manage the disease well.
Sometimes I feel like I'm being punished. There is nothing I can do about this damn disease besides treat it; there isn't currently a cure. I want to live a good life. I want to be as healthy as I can, and so I have to make sure to manage my blood sugar levels. And honestly, it's a never-ending struggle. Managing diabetes becomes more difficult as I get older, so if I don't keep it under control now, it will never be. And let's not talk about the potential dangers and complications when I have children. I don't even want to think about that.
My endocrinologist told me that losing weight would help in managing my disease. (It's interesting that I call it my disease. I own it; it doesn't own me). I have type 1 so it wasn't brought on my weight issues. But, the less you weigh, the less insulin you need. Because guess what; insulin makes you gain weight. So the medication I need to live makes me gain weight, which is completely counterproductive. So now on top of the insulin I take Symlin. It is a medication that does a couple of things. First, it slows the emptying of my stomach so I get full quicker and eat less. And, it only allows half of the sugar I consume to be absorbed into my system. So it helps me lose weight in more than one way. The only bad side effect is that if I eat too much, I will feel bad, like painfully full. Also, the first few times I took it, it made me nauseated. (That doesn't usually happen anymore) So in order to combat the negative side effects of the medicine I need to live, I had to add another medication to my regiment. Sounds fun doesn't it.
Now, the rest of the time I feel like this disease has been a blessing. One thing is that I am definitely more conscious of what I eat. I don't eat healthy 24/7, but even being more aware of it has made me be more careful about how much of anything I put into my body. So many times we go through life on automatic; we do things without even thinking about them. I started just being more aware of my eating habits and that increase in awareness has trickled down to other parts of my life. I feel like I've become more conscious of my existence.
When I eat something now, I look at how much insulin it is going to take to keep my blood sugar normal and I ask myself "is this piece of double fudge chocolate cake the size of a small plate worth it?" The answer is usually no. So guess what...I eat a few bites. (You thought I was going to say no to the cake altogether right?) My doctor never told me I had to give up the things I loved to eat unless I was just completely incapable of self control. I gained self control and now I can have a few bites of cake and be fine. Actually, while writing this blog I was eating some candy corn. A serving of candy corn is 20 pieces so I took the amount of insulin I would need for twenty pieces. After I had the 10th piece, I was done. I'm trying to lose weight so I'm reducing the sweets. The most I eat of any candy is one serving; most times I just have half. As a result, it doesn't take that much sweet to satisfy my sweet tooth anymore. The only reason why I kept eating was because I had already taken the insulin for it and I didn't want my sugar to crash.
There goes another bad side effect to diabetes. Let me tell you...I much rather my sugar be too high than low. The feeling I get when my sugar is crashing is awful. I often can't move because any movement makes me feel like I'm going to pass out. I also get very quiet and very still, and I am easily irritated. The irritation comes from just wanting to feel better again. It also becomes hard for me to breathe. My mom gets the shakes really bad but I don't get those. And after my sugar has returned to normal, I get very tired and sleepy. It's like my body has expended all of its energy trying to return to homeostasis and there isn't any left.
So seven years after diagnosis, I am reflecting on what I have learned. I have definitely learned that a little inconvenience, no matter how annoying, is worth my life. I've learned that I can manage this disease and I have the confidence to do it. And I've learned that it's okay to get annoyed that I have a disease that will potentially be with me for the rest of my life. And I'm finally okay with that...maybe. :)
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Did You Miss Me?
I haven't blogged in forever. I missed it; I believe it brought me a sense of peace because I was able to vent and put into words my frustrations with this world, my government, other people etc. Well, I am going to make a concerted effort to blogging again on a regular basis. I know not many people see it or read it...but perhaps something I say will resonate and affect someone's life in a positive way.
What have I been doing?
One, I finished the rough draft of my novel. Yes...you can give a resounding hooray. Now, the annoying part. Writers love to write, but most writers don't like to edit. You create something. Finishing that creation was a task itself. Now, you have to go back and find all of the things that are wrong with it. And if you want to publish, you have to struggle between what would get it published and maintaining the integrity of your work. It isn't easy and finding the balance is essential. I hope to be done editing the first draft by the end of this month and then search for an agent. Which, after some research, has become daunting. There are so many agents out there I don't know where to begin. Luckily, I have an awesome former English professor who is helping me.
Secondly, I started Graduate school Yes...go ahead...give it another hooray. :) The hardest part hasn't been the material itself, but learning to manage my time again. I enjoy the material and I'm a nerd so I enjoy going to class and learning. Despite the having to get up at 7am every Saturday to drive 45 minutes to school, and possibly run into some crazy game day traffic, ROLL TIDE, I still look forward to it every week. Does that make me weird? Also, I've decided to go beyond a Masters in Social Work and get my Ph.D with a concentration in policy. I'm actually excited about the research and writing I will get to do.
Third, honestly, I've been entrenched in my relationship with my boyfriend. I know, it's sad, and I shouldn't let my relationship take over my whole life, but I love him. What can I say? I actually like spending time with him. Isn't that a good thing?
If I'm not doing schoolwork, or working, I'm with him. And I'm not ashamed of that.
Speaking of work, the fourth thing I've been doing is looking for another job so I can quit blockbuster. They just pissed me off a couple of weeks ago and I'm not going to get over it. I was going to stay there until I finished Graduate School, but now, I am looking forward to the prospect of leaving. To make a long story short, my District Manager, who is a HORRIBLE person, forced me to resign from my supervisory position because I'm not available to work on Saturdays because of school. Now, I've been in school since June. You come and tell me that I have to be available on Saturday four months later?! I don't think so. I told the store manager in my interview that I wouldn't be able to work Saturdays starting in June and nothing was said. He said that was fine as long as I had a certain number of available shifts total. When my D.M. interviewed me she didn't ask about my availability or tell me about it. So I reported her to the ethics board. Nothing will probably be done but I did my part and I feel good about that. I actually have an interview tomorrow at Brookwood Hospital. I am totally excited and praying that I get the job.
I really feel like so much has gone on. I am now one year older...my birthday was September 19th. My birthday present to myself was a new tattoo. It is beautiful. It took four hours to do, and it's not completely done, and cost a bit of money, but it was worth it. Besides that, I had a very low key birthday which was awesome.
I went on my first vacation with my boyfriend to Savannah, Georgia. That was an amazing trip. It is the perfect place to go if you just want to relax and chill. I can go clubbing and bar-hopping at home. When I'm on vacation, I want to relax. And eat a lot of good food. And let me tell you, there is a lot of GREAT food in Savannah. We stayed like 8 hours longer in the city on our last day just so we could go to Paula Deen's restaurant. And it was sooooooooo worth it; the food was heavenly. I really want to go back to the city soon. It was beautiful and fun.
I got to meet Michele Norris from All Things Considered on NPR. I went to hear her talk about her new book and it was wonderful. Two hours went by so quickly. She is extremely smart and intelligent. I haven't finished her book yet but I'm working on it.
Oh...and speaking of books...my boyfriend let me borrow this book by Robert Jordan called The Wheel of Time. I'm not usually a fantasy novel person, but I enjoyed it. It took me like six months to read because my life has been so hectic. I will say this though. He is like encouraging me to read all of these books he likes. I just haven't convinced him to read the type of books I'm more interested in. I have to admit, my boyfriend is one of those people who tries really hard to get you to like the things he does. He even tries to get me to play his XBOX. I like video games...but I am definitely more of a Wii girl. :)
I did something else and it is directly related to video games. I don't know if I lost my mind for 24 hours but I actually went to Best Buy with my boyfriend for the midnight Halo Reach release. And...played with a Halo Reach sword. And...wore a Halo Reach beanie. And...hold on...wait for it...I encouraged him to play as much as he wanted. I do believe I lost a few brain cells. That is the only thing that could account for that behavior.
And people...I have decided to move to Australia when I finish school. That won't be for a few years, but I am already excited. I feel like I need to get excited about it now so I will always keep that goal in mind and work towards it. I would need to save some money so it's important that I start working towards that now. And since my Ph.D will concentrate in policy, I can work in a little international policy there too. I think that would make me a valuable Social Worker or professor in Australia.
Now, I will tell you. When I told James, he was all for it. But he is so chill about it, it makes me uneasy. I don't know if it's indifference but I needed a reaction from him and I'm not getting one. Honestly, the only thing I've ever seen him get outwardly excited about was Halo Reach and a new laptop his dad gave him. Oh...oh...and a flat screen tv. So I guess I should have expected a blah reaction. It's just his personality; I can't change that. But I need something.
So I guess I've got you all caught up. I'm doing well in school. I'm doing well in my relationship. I've got some great future plans for myself, and I'm looking forward to no longer being an employee of Blockbuster. I feel like I'm forgetting something. Oh well...when it comes to me I'll just write another blog. :)
What have I been doing?
One, I finished the rough draft of my novel. Yes...you can give a resounding hooray. Now, the annoying part. Writers love to write, but most writers don't like to edit. You create something. Finishing that creation was a task itself. Now, you have to go back and find all of the things that are wrong with it. And if you want to publish, you have to struggle between what would get it published and maintaining the integrity of your work. It isn't easy and finding the balance is essential. I hope to be done editing the first draft by the end of this month and then search for an agent. Which, after some research, has become daunting. There are so many agents out there I don't know where to begin. Luckily, I have an awesome former English professor who is helping me.
Secondly, I started Graduate school Yes...go ahead...give it another hooray. :) The hardest part hasn't been the material itself, but learning to manage my time again. I enjoy the material and I'm a nerd so I enjoy going to class and learning. Despite the having to get up at 7am every Saturday to drive 45 minutes to school, and possibly run into some crazy game day traffic, ROLL TIDE, I still look forward to it every week. Does that make me weird? Also, I've decided to go beyond a Masters in Social Work and get my Ph.D with a concentration in policy. I'm actually excited about the research and writing I will get to do.
Third, honestly, I've been entrenched in my relationship with my boyfriend. I know, it's sad, and I shouldn't let my relationship take over my whole life, but I love him. What can I say? I actually like spending time with him. Isn't that a good thing?
If I'm not doing schoolwork, or working, I'm with him. And I'm not ashamed of that.
Speaking of work, the fourth thing I've been doing is looking for another job so I can quit blockbuster. They just pissed me off a couple of weeks ago and I'm not going to get over it. I was going to stay there until I finished Graduate School, but now, I am looking forward to the prospect of leaving. To make a long story short, my District Manager, who is a HORRIBLE person, forced me to resign from my supervisory position because I'm not available to work on Saturdays because of school. Now, I've been in school since June. You come and tell me that I have to be available on Saturday four months later?! I don't think so. I told the store manager in my interview that I wouldn't be able to work Saturdays starting in June and nothing was said. He said that was fine as long as I had a certain number of available shifts total. When my D.M. interviewed me she didn't ask about my availability or tell me about it. So I reported her to the ethics board. Nothing will probably be done but I did my part and I feel good about that. I actually have an interview tomorrow at Brookwood Hospital. I am totally excited and praying that I get the job.
I really feel like so much has gone on. I am now one year older...my birthday was September 19th. My birthday present to myself was a new tattoo. It is beautiful. It took four hours to do, and it's not completely done, and cost a bit of money, but it was worth it. Besides that, I had a very low key birthday which was awesome.
I went on my first vacation with my boyfriend to Savannah, Georgia. That was an amazing trip. It is the perfect place to go if you just want to relax and chill. I can go clubbing and bar-hopping at home. When I'm on vacation, I want to relax. And eat a lot of good food. And let me tell you, there is a lot of GREAT food in Savannah. We stayed like 8 hours longer in the city on our last day just so we could go to Paula Deen's restaurant. And it was sooooooooo worth it; the food was heavenly. I really want to go back to the city soon. It was beautiful and fun.
I got to meet Michele Norris from All Things Considered on NPR. I went to hear her talk about her new book and it was wonderful. Two hours went by so quickly. She is extremely smart and intelligent. I haven't finished her book yet but I'm working on it.
Oh...and speaking of books...my boyfriend let me borrow this book by Robert Jordan called The Wheel of Time. I'm not usually a fantasy novel person, but I enjoyed it. It took me like six months to read because my life has been so hectic. I will say this though. He is like encouraging me to read all of these books he likes. I just haven't convinced him to read the type of books I'm more interested in. I have to admit, my boyfriend is one of those people who tries really hard to get you to like the things he does. He even tries to get me to play his XBOX. I like video games...but I am definitely more of a Wii girl. :)
I did something else and it is directly related to video games. I don't know if I lost my mind for 24 hours but I actually went to Best Buy with my boyfriend for the midnight Halo Reach release. And...played with a Halo Reach sword. And...wore a Halo Reach beanie. And...hold on...wait for it...I encouraged him to play as much as he wanted. I do believe I lost a few brain cells. That is the only thing that could account for that behavior.
And people...I have decided to move to Australia when I finish school. That won't be for a few years, but I am already excited. I feel like I need to get excited about it now so I will always keep that goal in mind and work towards it. I would need to save some money so it's important that I start working towards that now. And since my Ph.D will concentrate in policy, I can work in a little international policy there too. I think that would make me a valuable Social Worker or professor in Australia.
Now, I will tell you. When I told James, he was all for it. But he is so chill about it, it makes me uneasy. I don't know if it's indifference but I needed a reaction from him and I'm not getting one. Honestly, the only thing I've ever seen him get outwardly excited about was Halo Reach and a new laptop his dad gave him. Oh...oh...and a flat screen tv. So I guess I should have expected a blah reaction. It's just his personality; I can't change that. But I need something.
So I guess I've got you all caught up. I'm doing well in school. I'm doing well in my relationship. I've got some great future plans for myself, and I'm looking forward to no longer being an employee of Blockbuster. I feel like I'm forgetting something. Oh well...when it comes to me I'll just write another blog. :)
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Let's Just Get Rid Of All The Mexicans
So I've been thinking about this new Arizona law. And...well...no matter how many people tell me it will be effective...I think it is ridiculous and encourages racial profiling. I mean, I thought we had already proven that these types of methods don't necessarily work well. And honestly, if I lived in Arizona, I would want the police focusing their energy on more pressing issues, like finding killers and rapists.
I will say that this measure has only been taken because the federal government has been lax in their immigration reform. But I think this bill is taking it too far and will do nothing to actually control illegal immigration.
Police officers are allowed to ask for a person's papers showing they are legally here only if they pulled them over for something else, like speeding or running a red light. Now, my first problem is that people assume that police in no way shape or form abuse their power. (It's funny just writing that.) And it assumes they won't continue to abuse their power with this new law. (That is even funnier.) I will say, most police are awesome and beyond brave and noble, but some are assholes. I've encountered a few. And it is naive to think that some won't use this law just to exercise their power.
And my major issue will be shown through the following scenario. Let's say you have two illegal immigrants. One is Mexican and the other Canadian. They both get pulled over for speeding. Do you honestly think the police officer is going to ask the Canadian to pull out their citizenship papers? I DON'T THINK SO! The Canadian is going to look "American," whatever that means. So yes, it is racial profiling. There is a focus put on Hispanic immigrants, when there are immigrants from all over the world in this country. They are the only ones being singled out and it isn't fair.
I think the government needs to do a huge reform of immigration. First, I think they need to provide amnesty for the illegal immigrants already here. I know a lot of people think that is ridiculous, but what else are you going to do. I think that would be easier than trying to round up all 20 million illegal immigrants already here and sending them back to their countries. It would also show that America still remembers that this nation was built on immigrants. Unless you are American Indian, your ancestors were immigrants. We need to remember that when we are treating these people like shit instead of human beings. That's it...amnesty will show that America still has its humanity.
Second, the government needs to make the border stronger.
Third, the government needs to make the citizenship process easier and this is what I would do. Remember back in the day when all a person had to do was sign their name on a registry at Ellis Island and that was it? Well I understand that things are more complicated now, but I think we need a modern day Ellis Island along the Mexican border. I think this facility would be a place anyone wishing to come to the United States can go. Officers would run criminal background checks and make sure they have no connections to dangerous drug cartels. They would register all family members coming with them and they would give them a work or school visa, whatever reason they are coming here.
So now there is a number attached to them so they can be monitored. The government should monitor them for six months. They should make sure the person finds a legitimate job. They should make them take English classes. The children will have to be enrolled in school and attending regularly. They have to show they will be productive members of this country. (Unfortunately a lot of American citizens aren't productive but that's beside the point).
After monitoring them for six months and they have kept a steady job, haven't committed a crime, have learned enough English to function, their children are in school and doing well, and have taken the pledge of allegiance, then make them a citizen. And get rid of that damn citizenship test. Most natural citizens of the US can't pass that test.
After that process is done, they are citizens. Do you know how much more revenue the government would have with 10-15 million more people paying taxes?
I think sometimes Americans forget our ancestors were immigrants. I think we forget to be humane and forget they are coming here for a better life. I'm flattered that these people are willing to risk their lives to come here and have real opportunities.
(I get so tired of people saying they are stealing our jobs. No, they are taking the jobs we don't want. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who want to paint houses for 14 hours a day making barely over minimum wage without health insurance. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who want to bus tables for barely anything. I'm certain there are so many of you out there who want to cut grass in 95 degree weather for 10 hours. They are taking the jobs many of us think we are too good for.)
I don't think we think about the fact that many of these people are being taken advantage of by employers. They are just so happy to be here and have that chance at the "American Dream" they are willing to do anything. They don't know their rights as employees and are okay with getting treated like trash because at least they are here. (Sometimes it's like they appreciate the benefits of this country more than we do. They are willing to work extremely hard for nothing, and are still happy. Makes me wonder.)
I am so tired of hearing stories about coyotes leaving people dead in the mountains. I'm so tired of hearing stories about coyotes killing people if their families couldn't pay their fee. We need to make the process easier, if for nothing but people's safety.
No matter what country they are from, they are still human beings. They still deserve to be treated with respect. Remember what is says on the Statue of Liberty.
"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-lost to me."
This country was founded on the idea of escaping oppression and welcoming anyone who wanted to get away from that life. We pretend we don't have enough resources, but we do. We don't think about how much we waste everyday, especially food. This country is wealthy enough to help people who would be happy with just the bare minimum.
Remember we claim to be the land of opportunity and we need to prove it. We have so much already. Unfortunately a lot of us can only see what we don't have. Why can't we share this beautiful country with others?
I will say that this measure has only been taken because the federal government has been lax in their immigration reform. But I think this bill is taking it too far and will do nothing to actually control illegal immigration.
Police officers are allowed to ask for a person's papers showing they are legally here only if they pulled them over for something else, like speeding or running a red light. Now, my first problem is that people assume that police in no way shape or form abuse their power. (It's funny just writing that.) And it assumes they won't continue to abuse their power with this new law. (That is even funnier.) I will say, most police are awesome and beyond brave and noble, but some are assholes. I've encountered a few. And it is naive to think that some won't use this law just to exercise their power.
And my major issue will be shown through the following scenario. Let's say you have two illegal immigrants. One is Mexican and the other Canadian. They both get pulled over for speeding. Do you honestly think the police officer is going to ask the Canadian to pull out their citizenship papers? I DON'T THINK SO! The Canadian is going to look "American," whatever that means. So yes, it is racial profiling. There is a focus put on Hispanic immigrants, when there are immigrants from all over the world in this country. They are the only ones being singled out and it isn't fair.
I think the government needs to do a huge reform of immigration. First, I think they need to provide amnesty for the illegal immigrants already here. I know a lot of people think that is ridiculous, but what else are you going to do. I think that would be easier than trying to round up all 20 million illegal immigrants already here and sending them back to their countries. It would also show that America still remembers that this nation was built on immigrants. Unless you are American Indian, your ancestors were immigrants. We need to remember that when we are treating these people like shit instead of human beings. That's it...amnesty will show that America still has its humanity.
Second, the government needs to make the border stronger.
Third, the government needs to make the citizenship process easier and this is what I would do. Remember back in the day when all a person had to do was sign their name on a registry at Ellis Island and that was it? Well I understand that things are more complicated now, but I think we need a modern day Ellis Island along the Mexican border. I think this facility would be a place anyone wishing to come to the United States can go. Officers would run criminal background checks and make sure they have no connections to dangerous drug cartels. They would register all family members coming with them and they would give them a work or school visa, whatever reason they are coming here.
So now there is a number attached to them so they can be monitored. The government should monitor them for six months. They should make sure the person finds a legitimate job. They should make them take English classes. The children will have to be enrolled in school and attending regularly. They have to show they will be productive members of this country. (Unfortunately a lot of American citizens aren't productive but that's beside the point).
After monitoring them for six months and they have kept a steady job, haven't committed a crime, have learned enough English to function, their children are in school and doing well, and have taken the pledge of allegiance, then make them a citizen. And get rid of that damn citizenship test. Most natural citizens of the US can't pass that test.
After that process is done, they are citizens. Do you know how much more revenue the government would have with 10-15 million more people paying taxes?
I think sometimes Americans forget our ancestors were immigrants. I think we forget to be humane and forget they are coming here for a better life. I'm flattered that these people are willing to risk their lives to come here and have real opportunities.
(I get so tired of people saying they are stealing our jobs. No, they are taking the jobs we don't want. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who want to paint houses for 14 hours a day making barely over minimum wage without health insurance. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who want to bus tables for barely anything. I'm certain there are so many of you out there who want to cut grass in 95 degree weather for 10 hours. They are taking the jobs many of us think we are too good for.)
I don't think we think about the fact that many of these people are being taken advantage of by employers. They are just so happy to be here and have that chance at the "American Dream" they are willing to do anything. They don't know their rights as employees and are okay with getting treated like trash because at least they are here. (Sometimes it's like they appreciate the benefits of this country more than we do. They are willing to work extremely hard for nothing, and are still happy. Makes me wonder.)
I am so tired of hearing stories about coyotes leaving people dead in the mountains. I'm so tired of hearing stories about coyotes killing people if their families couldn't pay their fee. We need to make the process easier, if for nothing but people's safety.
No matter what country they are from, they are still human beings. They still deserve to be treated with respect. Remember what is says on the Statue of Liberty.
"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-lost to me."
This country was founded on the idea of escaping oppression and welcoming anyone who wanted to get away from that life. We pretend we don't have enough resources, but we do. We don't think about how much we waste everyday, especially food. This country is wealthy enough to help people who would be happy with just the bare minimum.
Remember we claim to be the land of opportunity and we need to prove it. We have so much already. Unfortunately a lot of us can only see what we don't have. Why can't we share this beautiful country with others?
Friday, May 14, 2010
A Very Interesting Character
I have been watching The Tudors and I am fascinated by Henry VIII and royal culture. I have always been interested in Henry VIII. From the beginning he was arrogant, selfish, self-serving, conceited and seemed so insecure that anyone who spoke a word against him was subject to being accused of high treason. I don't know if all Kings acted like spoiled brats but he certainly had his moments.
And then he had those moments where he was considerate, understanding, loving, and even generous. There were moments where you could see his love for his queens and see his care for his children.
But then he turns around and has endless mistresses and has two of his wives beheaded.
Henry VIII was one of those people you couldn't completely love or hate. When watching the show, you see how much he is manipulated by others, but don't understand how someone with so much power and influence can be so gullible. It is like he doesn't follow his own instinct, but yet lets others tell him what to do. On the other hand, he is so consumed by narcissism, he has many people killed just to show his own power. In the beginning of the show, he asks his counsel Sir Thomas Moore if it better, as king, to be feared or loved. I guess he rather be feared.
And so many things are acceptable for the king that aren't for others. His wives just accept his inclination for adultery and just let him do what he wants. He can kill someone just because he feels like it without any sort of judicial process. He can accuse anyone of anything without real evidence. And he is King of England, so it is just automatically accepted. Even the people pretend to adore him out of fear of persecution. No wonder people wanted to escape England and come to North America.
I find his relationship with women very interesting. Now, I will say that I've only gotten to the Third Season so I'm currently watching him try to find wife number four. He claimed to love Katherine but dismissed her and threw her out like garbage when Miss Ann Boleyn came along. He even banned both his wife and daughter from court, and went through extreme measures to try to get the marriage annulled so he could marry Ann.
When he did marry Ann secretly and finally make her queen when Katherine dies, he cheats on her. He is eager to have a son, and becomes very cold to Ann when she loses two of the babies and the only child she has is a girl, the future Queen Elizabeth. I felt bad for Mary because the King sent her to take care of Elizabeth as a baby. No wonder Mary resented her so much.
Well we all know Henry had Ann's head chopped off. I didn't really like Ann, but she didn't commit the crimes of adultery and incest that he accused her off. She did conspire with her father and brother to help control England and promote the Protestant Reformation but she didn't deserve to die. The King of England just doesn't like anyone doing anything that isn't to his liking.
Before she was even dead he was already courting Jane Seymour. I liked her. She was kind and brought out the best in the King. She was definitely the opposite of Ann. She was quiet and reserved, and knew her place in court. Unfortunately she died after giving birth to their son Edward. And now the King is trying to find wife number four.
(I think I could go on and on talking about Henry VIII)
I think one of the problems Henry VIII had was that he trusted other people more than he trusted himself. He allowed all of these people come into court who had their own agendas without for a second questioning their motives. I guess there was no vetting during that time.
I can't wait until the fourth and last season comes out on DVD so I can watch it. I'm not that interested in royalty, but Henry VIII just seems so interesting. Sometimes you feel sorry for him because hardly anyone around him can be trusted. The only person I've seen that can be trusted to truly look out for the King's best interest is his friend Charles Brandon, Duke of Suffolk. What I like most about Charles is that he isn't afraid to confront the King on certain issues and work to get him back on the right track. He does so covertly though as to not risk banishment from court or worse.
I just don't think Henry VIII learned from his mistakes and continued to make the same ones over and over.
Now, on another note, I believe Showtime did a great job with this show. It has presented history in a very entertaining way. You don't even realize you are learning something when watching it. Also, I think the television sets are beautiful and the writing is brilliant. And I think Jonathan Rhys Meyers, in all of his sexiness, makes a great Henry VIII. I really enjoy the show.
I look forward to finishing the series and learning more about this King who is more infamous than anything. If this show is a true reflection of the King's life, he had to deal with a lot of fucking drama. However, most of it created due to the choices he made.
(There will probably be more posts concerning this time especially about the Catholic Church during that time and the protestant reformation. Maybe I'll devote a whole post just to the people he beheaded or had killed. Which was a lot. I wasn't expecting all of these people to die.)
And then he had those moments where he was considerate, understanding, loving, and even generous. There were moments where you could see his love for his queens and see his care for his children.
But then he turns around and has endless mistresses and has two of his wives beheaded.
Henry VIII was one of those people you couldn't completely love or hate. When watching the show, you see how much he is manipulated by others, but don't understand how someone with so much power and influence can be so gullible. It is like he doesn't follow his own instinct, but yet lets others tell him what to do. On the other hand, he is so consumed by narcissism, he has many people killed just to show his own power. In the beginning of the show, he asks his counsel Sir Thomas Moore if it better, as king, to be feared or loved. I guess he rather be feared.
And so many things are acceptable for the king that aren't for others. His wives just accept his inclination for adultery and just let him do what he wants. He can kill someone just because he feels like it without any sort of judicial process. He can accuse anyone of anything without real evidence. And he is King of England, so it is just automatically accepted. Even the people pretend to adore him out of fear of persecution. No wonder people wanted to escape England and come to North America.
I find his relationship with women very interesting. Now, I will say that I've only gotten to the Third Season so I'm currently watching him try to find wife number four. He claimed to love Katherine but dismissed her and threw her out like garbage when Miss Ann Boleyn came along. He even banned both his wife and daughter from court, and went through extreme measures to try to get the marriage annulled so he could marry Ann.
When he did marry Ann secretly and finally make her queen when Katherine dies, he cheats on her. He is eager to have a son, and becomes very cold to Ann when she loses two of the babies and the only child she has is a girl, the future Queen Elizabeth. I felt bad for Mary because the King sent her to take care of Elizabeth as a baby. No wonder Mary resented her so much.
Well we all know Henry had Ann's head chopped off. I didn't really like Ann, but she didn't commit the crimes of adultery and incest that he accused her off. She did conspire with her father and brother to help control England and promote the Protestant Reformation but she didn't deserve to die. The King of England just doesn't like anyone doing anything that isn't to his liking.
Before she was even dead he was already courting Jane Seymour. I liked her. She was kind and brought out the best in the King. She was definitely the opposite of Ann. She was quiet and reserved, and knew her place in court. Unfortunately she died after giving birth to their son Edward. And now the King is trying to find wife number four.
(I think I could go on and on talking about Henry VIII)
I think one of the problems Henry VIII had was that he trusted other people more than he trusted himself. He allowed all of these people come into court who had their own agendas without for a second questioning their motives. I guess there was no vetting during that time.
I can't wait until the fourth and last season comes out on DVD so I can watch it. I'm not that interested in royalty, but Henry VIII just seems so interesting. Sometimes you feel sorry for him because hardly anyone around him can be trusted. The only person I've seen that can be trusted to truly look out for the King's best interest is his friend Charles Brandon, Duke of Suffolk. What I like most about Charles is that he isn't afraid to confront the King on certain issues and work to get him back on the right track. He does so covertly though as to not risk banishment from court or worse.
I just don't think Henry VIII learned from his mistakes and continued to make the same ones over and over.
Now, on another note, I believe Showtime did a great job with this show. It has presented history in a very entertaining way. You don't even realize you are learning something when watching it. Also, I think the television sets are beautiful and the writing is brilliant. And I think Jonathan Rhys Meyers, in all of his sexiness, makes a great Henry VIII. I really enjoy the show.
I look forward to finishing the series and learning more about this King who is more infamous than anything. If this show is a true reflection of the King's life, he had to deal with a lot of fucking drama. However, most of it created due to the choices he made.
(There will probably be more posts concerning this time especially about the Catholic Church during that time and the protestant reformation. Maybe I'll devote a whole post just to the people he beheaded or had killed. Which was a lot. I wasn't expecting all of these people to die.)
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Let's Have a Tea Party
So, I've been interested in the new Tea Party lately and trying to understand what they want exactly from the government. I'm trying to figure out if they even want a government at all.
Not all of them are crazy, although some may say that any group that believes Sarah Palin to be an outstanding leader nuts, some of their beliefs are valid. They just want less government and less taxes. Unfortunately, their reasons for wanting those things and their methods for achieving them aren't exactly sensible.
One problem I have with some is that they only want the government involved when it benefits them. So because most members of the tea party are white and middle aged, they don't want the government to take away their medicare and social security. But they want less taxes. What do they think pays for those programs?
I just don't understand exactly where they want the government involved. I mean, do they want the government regulating the financial industry to protect against another recession? Do they want federal funding for public education and public projects, such as constructing roads and bridges? Do they want the FDA, SEC, FTC, CIA, FBI, VA, SSA, and DEA to exist? Those are all funded by taxes. Do they still want the military because that is also funded by taxes. Do they still want their medicare? I mean, I don't think I've heard anything specific about what they want.
I've heard some crazy things, like getting rid of the Department of Education and eliminating welfare. And I know that for them, since they are mostly well off people, that welfare seems pointless but it does help a lot of people. I will say that welfare, of TANF as Clinton renamed it, does need to be reformed in a way that encourages people to find work and get off of it.
I heard a guest on NPR today talk about how we as Americans often forget our responsibility to take care of each other. We forget that our taxes are the reasons we have so many programs that many, including members of the Tea Party, would be reluctant to have eliminated. Yes, we pay a lot of taxes, but we do get things out of it. And I think people need to remember that. I think people need to remember the benefits of taxes.
Yes the government squanders our money on stupid earmark projects, politicians asking for money so they can have a library in their name built in their hometown. And I believe that is ridiculous. But our taxes do give us roads, public schools, interstates, welfare, CHIP, medicare, medicaid, social security, social security disability, WIC, food stamps, pay firefighters, policeman, and EMTs, pay members of the military to protect us and keep us safe, pay inspectors of the FDA to regulate our food industry and keep it as safe as possible, and provide money during natural disasters. The government isn't perfect, but it's all we have.
I will say not all members of the Tea Party are ridiculous. Most of them seem to have common sense. What upsets me is that if it doesn't benefit them personally, they don't want to help pay for it with their taxes. And you know what, my mom taught me to be generous and if I could give up a little to help someone in a major way, I should be willing to do it. And I don't mind paying more taxes so the single mother down the street can get her food stamps so she can take care of her children. I don't mind paying taxes so the elderly woman who worked her entire life can afford to get her medicine. I honestly don't mind. I am extremely blessed and it would be extremely selfish for me to deny someone else help when I have so much. I probably would spend that extra money, if taxes were reduced, on shoes. :)
I would really like to know more about this new movement because it seems utterly nonsensical. I'm even starting to feel sorry for incumbent Republican candidates running for office because the Tea Party is blaming them for things that aren't their fault. The Tea Party rather have people in there who will stand on their principles rather than people who will get things done and actually make positive changes. I think that is insane. I thought we elected officials into office to do things, not to stand on ideology while a state suffers from a lack of funding.
Maybe the members of the Tea Party just need a hug. It was so funny. I saw this member of the Tea Party movement on television with a sign that said "Keep your government hands off my medicare." Who do they think runs and funds medicare? THE GOVERNMENT. Sometimes they seem so out of touch with reality and stuck on ideology. They need to educate themselves on what goes on in this country. See some things that they haven't seen before, and perhaps realize that the tax money they are so desperate to hold onto is keeping someone off the street, someone fed, and given a child the opportunity to have health insurance.
Not all of them are crazy, although some may say that any group that believes Sarah Palin to be an outstanding leader nuts, some of their beliefs are valid. They just want less government and less taxes. Unfortunately, their reasons for wanting those things and their methods for achieving them aren't exactly sensible.
One problem I have with some is that they only want the government involved when it benefits them. So because most members of the tea party are white and middle aged, they don't want the government to take away their medicare and social security. But they want less taxes. What do they think pays for those programs?
I just don't understand exactly where they want the government involved. I mean, do they want the government regulating the financial industry to protect against another recession? Do they want federal funding for public education and public projects, such as constructing roads and bridges? Do they want the FDA, SEC, FTC, CIA, FBI, VA, SSA, and DEA to exist? Those are all funded by taxes. Do they still want the military because that is also funded by taxes. Do they still want their medicare? I mean, I don't think I've heard anything specific about what they want.
I've heard some crazy things, like getting rid of the Department of Education and eliminating welfare. And I know that for them, since they are mostly well off people, that welfare seems pointless but it does help a lot of people. I will say that welfare, of TANF as Clinton renamed it, does need to be reformed in a way that encourages people to find work and get off of it.
I heard a guest on NPR today talk about how we as Americans often forget our responsibility to take care of each other. We forget that our taxes are the reasons we have so many programs that many, including members of the Tea Party, would be reluctant to have eliminated. Yes, we pay a lot of taxes, but we do get things out of it. And I think people need to remember that. I think people need to remember the benefits of taxes.
Yes the government squanders our money on stupid earmark projects, politicians asking for money so they can have a library in their name built in their hometown. And I believe that is ridiculous. But our taxes do give us roads, public schools, interstates, welfare, CHIP, medicare, medicaid, social security, social security disability, WIC, food stamps, pay firefighters, policeman, and EMTs, pay members of the military to protect us and keep us safe, pay inspectors of the FDA to regulate our food industry and keep it as safe as possible, and provide money during natural disasters. The government isn't perfect, but it's all we have.
I will say not all members of the Tea Party are ridiculous. Most of them seem to have common sense. What upsets me is that if it doesn't benefit them personally, they don't want to help pay for it with their taxes. And you know what, my mom taught me to be generous and if I could give up a little to help someone in a major way, I should be willing to do it. And I don't mind paying more taxes so the single mother down the street can get her food stamps so she can take care of her children. I don't mind paying taxes so the elderly woman who worked her entire life can afford to get her medicine. I honestly don't mind. I am extremely blessed and it would be extremely selfish for me to deny someone else help when I have so much. I probably would spend that extra money, if taxes were reduced, on shoes. :)
I would really like to know more about this new movement because it seems utterly nonsensical. I'm even starting to feel sorry for incumbent Republican candidates running for office because the Tea Party is blaming them for things that aren't their fault. The Tea Party rather have people in there who will stand on their principles rather than people who will get things done and actually make positive changes. I think that is insane. I thought we elected officials into office to do things, not to stand on ideology while a state suffers from a lack of funding.
Maybe the members of the Tea Party just need a hug. It was so funny. I saw this member of the Tea Party movement on television with a sign that said "Keep your government hands off my medicare." Who do they think runs and funds medicare? THE GOVERNMENT. Sometimes they seem so out of touch with reality and stuck on ideology. They need to educate themselves on what goes on in this country. See some things that they haven't seen before, and perhaps realize that the tax money they are so desperate to hold onto is keeping someone off the street, someone fed, and given a child the opportunity to have health insurance.
Progress...or Lack Thereof
The draft of my novel has been done for a while now and I've only re-read the first chapter. And I'm supposed to be printing out the draft and giving it to friends to read and edit but I haven't done that either. I think the fear of criticism and rejection hasn't faded. It decreased enough for me to finish the damn thing but not enough to take the next steps. And the next steps are necessary if I'm going to get published and even become a better writer.
So next week it has to get done. I really don't know what I'm so afraid of. Writing for me is extremely personal, and for someone to say it stinks would hurt my feelings. I know I'm not the best writer in the world but I believe I'm pretty good. I think it was kind of discouraging when I read the first chapter and thought it was utter crap. And I've decided to rewrite the whole first chapter. I really don't want to read the rest and realize I need to rewrite the whole thing. That would be devastating. I do know I am my harshest critic but I have to be. If I don't like it, I'm not going to send it out to agents.
The odd things is that I'm already prepared to write my second one. I know what it's going to be about and I know the characters. And I do want to begin it, but I need to concentrate on perfecting the novel I've finished before beginning my next one.
Now onto something that actually is progressing. Remember my whole weight loss breakthrough. It is actually going very well. I've decided to take a new approach and I believe I have just finished week three and I am feeling great.
My whole focus has been on reducing the amount of carbs I consume. I'm a type 1 Diabetic and insulin makes me gain weight. So if I reduce the amount of insulin I need, I will lose weight. And the only way to reduce the amount of insulin I need is to reduce the amount of carbs I consume. As of now, I went from using about 32 units of insulin a day to averaging 25. That is a reduction of seven units a day. That may not sound like a lot, but that is over a 100 grams of carbs a day I have taken out of my diet. And for me, someone who loves her sweets and her bread, that is awesome.
I have been working out about four times a week. I actually think I'm working out too much. I mean, the focus of my workout is Pilates because I'm trying to tone up and slim down but I really shouldn't do them everyday. When working muscles, they break down. In order for them to build back stronger, you have to give them a rest and I haven't been doing that. So today, I'm taking a break from working out, the first day since last Friday.
My only fear is that I become so obsessed with burning calories that I do workout too much and completely ruin my plan. Working out too much can actually hurt a weight loss plan. It could shock your body into holding onto fat instead of burning it. (one of my many lessons learned from Dr. Oz).
So one thing in my life isn't progressing at all, my novel. And one is progressing very well, my weight loss plan. Oh, and my relationship is progressing as well. I guess I'm not doing too shabby. I just need to get my shit together concerning my novel.
So next week it has to get done. I really don't know what I'm so afraid of. Writing for me is extremely personal, and for someone to say it stinks would hurt my feelings. I know I'm not the best writer in the world but I believe I'm pretty good. I think it was kind of discouraging when I read the first chapter and thought it was utter crap. And I've decided to rewrite the whole first chapter. I really don't want to read the rest and realize I need to rewrite the whole thing. That would be devastating. I do know I am my harshest critic but I have to be. If I don't like it, I'm not going to send it out to agents.
The odd things is that I'm already prepared to write my second one. I know what it's going to be about and I know the characters. And I do want to begin it, but I need to concentrate on perfecting the novel I've finished before beginning my next one.
Now onto something that actually is progressing. Remember my whole weight loss breakthrough. It is actually going very well. I've decided to take a new approach and I believe I have just finished week three and I am feeling great.
My whole focus has been on reducing the amount of carbs I consume. I'm a type 1 Diabetic and insulin makes me gain weight. So if I reduce the amount of insulin I need, I will lose weight. And the only way to reduce the amount of insulin I need is to reduce the amount of carbs I consume. As of now, I went from using about 32 units of insulin a day to averaging 25. That is a reduction of seven units a day. That may not sound like a lot, but that is over a 100 grams of carbs a day I have taken out of my diet. And for me, someone who loves her sweets and her bread, that is awesome.
I have been working out about four times a week. I actually think I'm working out too much. I mean, the focus of my workout is Pilates because I'm trying to tone up and slim down but I really shouldn't do them everyday. When working muscles, they break down. In order for them to build back stronger, you have to give them a rest and I haven't been doing that. So today, I'm taking a break from working out, the first day since last Friday.
My only fear is that I become so obsessed with burning calories that I do workout too much and completely ruin my plan. Working out too much can actually hurt a weight loss plan. It could shock your body into holding onto fat instead of burning it. (one of my many lessons learned from Dr. Oz).
So one thing in my life isn't progressing at all, my novel. And one is progressing very well, my weight loss plan. Oh, and my relationship is progressing as well. I guess I'm not doing too shabby. I just need to get my shit together concerning my novel.
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