A clear glass sits
Centered on a table
Stuck to the laminate cover.
Its bottom empty,
Every drop evaporated.
All traces of sweat
From a cold sweetened drink,
Have dried.
No odor
Emanates from its opening.
No lipstick
Colors its rim.
The only evidence
Of humanity’s touch
Are smudged fingerprints
Staining its surface.
It goes unnoticed for days.
Ignored by the dishwasher.
Invisible to a cleaning hand,
And brushed aside for
More important tasks.
It can’t be lifted,
Moved
Or removed,
Not even gently,
For it has been
Still for so long
It has melded to its
Supporting surface.
And it sits
Clearly smudged,
Stuck.
While everything around it
Moves,
Ready to break.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Getting Lost in the "We"
I was single for a long time before my current relationship...like four years. And I was okay with that. I wasn't about to lower my standards just to be in a relationship or not be the only single person in a room. One thing I liked about being single was only having to consider myself in my decisions. Because I know me...I know my personality. I know I have a tendency to put the person I'm with before myself. And well, when this "I" became a "We" despite my independent tendencies, it happened again. And my mom warned me about this. She warned me that in love, it's easy to forget about what you want and what you need for the other person. I've done that. And I can't even blame my boyfriend. He didn't ask me to be super accommodating and considerate. He didn't ask me to manipulate my plans so that they work for him too. Yeah...I wish he would acknowledge it more often, but he didn't ask me to put myself second so I can't be mad at him.
I sit here and I think about my future and he is in it. So much to the point that every night before I go to bed, I think about when he gets off work and plan my entire day's schedule so that I will be done by the time he gets off. So much so that when I decided I wanted to move overseas to Australia after I finish my Ph.D, in doing my research, I found out what would be easiest for him in the profession he wants to be in. I researched how he could do what he wants to do in Australia. And I want to go when I graduate, but he may not be done with school. I automatically just said, "okay...I'll just wait." THAT IS RIDICULOUS!! It didn't cross my mind to ask him to adjust his plans. It is my idea so I feel obligated to do the research, invest all of the energy, make the plans to save money, and adjust my plans because it is MY plan. But I want him in my life so I should be willing to sacrifice for us. Yep...us. I'm not sacrificing for me but for us. And what is he doing?
I am pissed off at myself for being complicit in this. I am pissed because I should know better. In every past relationship I was the one waiting. I was the one being patient. I was the one investing everything I had into something I believed was important. I was the one sacrificing and being the most accommodating and low-maintenance girlfriend on the planet. And they were just being themselves. They were walking around not noticing that in every decision I made, I thought about them. I was the one...making myself less important than the person I was with.
I'm going to have to stop. The "We" has go to go!!! It's nice to picture my life with this person, but it's detrimental to my "self." It overshadows who I am and what I want. I didn't think this was love. I didn't think that in order to be a couple, I had to be compromising. (and making compromises and compromising myself are two different things) It was so much easier when I just loved myself.
I sit here and I think about my future and he is in it. So much to the point that every night before I go to bed, I think about when he gets off work and plan my entire day's schedule so that I will be done by the time he gets off. So much so that when I decided I wanted to move overseas to Australia after I finish my Ph.D, in doing my research, I found out what would be easiest for him in the profession he wants to be in. I researched how he could do what he wants to do in Australia. And I want to go when I graduate, but he may not be done with school. I automatically just said, "okay...I'll just wait." THAT IS RIDICULOUS!! It didn't cross my mind to ask him to adjust his plans. It is my idea so I feel obligated to do the research, invest all of the energy, make the plans to save money, and adjust my plans because it is MY plan. But I want him in my life so I should be willing to sacrifice for us. Yep...us. I'm not sacrificing for me but for us. And what is he doing?
I am pissed off at myself for being complicit in this. I am pissed because I should know better. In every past relationship I was the one waiting. I was the one being patient. I was the one investing everything I had into something I believed was important. I was the one sacrificing and being the most accommodating and low-maintenance girlfriend on the planet. And they were just being themselves. They were walking around not noticing that in every decision I made, I thought about them. I was the one...making myself less important than the person I was with.
I'm going to have to stop. The "We" has go to go!!! It's nice to picture my life with this person, but it's detrimental to my "self." It overshadows who I am and what I want. I didn't think this was love. I didn't think that in order to be a couple, I had to be compromising. (and making compromises and compromising myself are two different things) It was so much easier when I just loved myself.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Managing my Life...Not Just A Disease
I almost died. Yes...I almost died. Seven years ago I was put in the hospital with a blood glucose of 965; normal is between 60 and 100. After my five days in the hospital and learning how to check my glucose level, give myself insulin shots, and learn new nutritional habits, I was sent home to now manage my new diagnosis of type 1 Diabetes. It is scary sitting in a hospital bed while you are waiting to be discharged and have a doctor tell you that you almost died. It's like now I have to spend the rest of my life trying NOT to die.
I was sad after getting Diabetes. It was and continues to be stressful, frustrating, aggravating, and imposing. Sometimes I sit in my bed and wonder if I really will have to do this for the rest of my life. I ask God for stem cell research to advance in my lifetime so they can finally have a way to regenerate insulin producing cells in the pancreas. Every three days I will have to fill a reservoir with insulin and stick myself with a needle. Every day I have to think about the carbs in what I'm eating, and if I don't know the specific number, take a guess. I have to think about doing what I can so that one day I don't have to have a limb amputated or become blind because I didn't manage the disease well.
Sometimes I feel like I'm being punished. There is nothing I can do about this damn disease besides treat it; there isn't currently a cure. I want to live a good life. I want to be as healthy as I can, and so I have to make sure to manage my blood sugar levels. And honestly, it's a never-ending struggle. Managing diabetes becomes more difficult as I get older, so if I don't keep it under control now, it will never be. And let's not talk about the potential dangers and complications when I have children. I don't even want to think about that.
My endocrinologist told me that losing weight would help in managing my disease. (It's interesting that I call it my disease. I own it; it doesn't own me). I have type 1 so it wasn't brought on my weight issues. But, the less you weigh, the less insulin you need. Because guess what; insulin makes you gain weight. So the medication I need to live makes me gain weight, which is completely counterproductive. So now on top of the insulin I take Symlin. It is a medication that does a couple of things. First, it slows the emptying of my stomach so I get full quicker and eat less. And, it only allows half of the sugar I consume to be absorbed into my system. So it helps me lose weight in more than one way. The only bad side effect is that if I eat too much, I will feel bad, like painfully full. Also, the first few times I took it, it made me nauseated. (That doesn't usually happen anymore) So in order to combat the negative side effects of the medicine I need to live, I had to add another medication to my regiment. Sounds fun doesn't it.
Now, the rest of the time I feel like this disease has been a blessing. One thing is that I am definitely more conscious of what I eat. I don't eat healthy 24/7, but even being more aware of it has made me be more careful about how much of anything I put into my body. So many times we go through life on automatic; we do things without even thinking about them. I started just being more aware of my eating habits and that increase in awareness has trickled down to other parts of my life. I feel like I've become more conscious of my existence.
When I eat something now, I look at how much insulin it is going to take to keep my blood sugar normal and I ask myself "is this piece of double fudge chocolate cake the size of a small plate worth it?" The answer is usually no. So guess what...I eat a few bites. (You thought I was going to say no to the cake altogether right?) My doctor never told me I had to give up the things I loved to eat unless I was just completely incapable of self control. I gained self control and now I can have a few bites of cake and be fine. Actually, while writing this blog I was eating some candy corn. A serving of candy corn is 20 pieces so I took the amount of insulin I would need for twenty pieces. After I had the 10th piece, I was done. I'm trying to lose weight so I'm reducing the sweets. The most I eat of any candy is one serving; most times I just have half. As a result, it doesn't take that much sweet to satisfy my sweet tooth anymore. The only reason why I kept eating was because I had already taken the insulin for it and I didn't want my sugar to crash.
There goes another bad side effect to diabetes. Let me tell you...I much rather my sugar be too high than low. The feeling I get when my sugar is crashing is awful. I often can't move because any movement makes me feel like I'm going to pass out. I also get very quiet and very still, and I am easily irritated. The irritation comes from just wanting to feel better again. It also becomes hard for me to breathe. My mom gets the shakes really bad but I don't get those. And after my sugar has returned to normal, I get very tired and sleepy. It's like my body has expended all of its energy trying to return to homeostasis and there isn't any left.
So seven years after diagnosis, I am reflecting on what I have learned. I have definitely learned that a little inconvenience, no matter how annoying, is worth my life. I've learned that I can manage this disease and I have the confidence to do it. And I've learned that it's okay to get annoyed that I have a disease that will potentially be with me for the rest of my life. And I'm finally okay with that...maybe. :)
I was sad after getting Diabetes. It was and continues to be stressful, frustrating, aggravating, and imposing. Sometimes I sit in my bed and wonder if I really will have to do this for the rest of my life. I ask God for stem cell research to advance in my lifetime so they can finally have a way to regenerate insulin producing cells in the pancreas. Every three days I will have to fill a reservoir with insulin and stick myself with a needle. Every day I have to think about the carbs in what I'm eating, and if I don't know the specific number, take a guess. I have to think about doing what I can so that one day I don't have to have a limb amputated or become blind because I didn't manage the disease well.
Sometimes I feel like I'm being punished. There is nothing I can do about this damn disease besides treat it; there isn't currently a cure. I want to live a good life. I want to be as healthy as I can, and so I have to make sure to manage my blood sugar levels. And honestly, it's a never-ending struggle. Managing diabetes becomes more difficult as I get older, so if I don't keep it under control now, it will never be. And let's not talk about the potential dangers and complications when I have children. I don't even want to think about that.
My endocrinologist told me that losing weight would help in managing my disease. (It's interesting that I call it my disease. I own it; it doesn't own me). I have type 1 so it wasn't brought on my weight issues. But, the less you weigh, the less insulin you need. Because guess what; insulin makes you gain weight. So the medication I need to live makes me gain weight, which is completely counterproductive. So now on top of the insulin I take Symlin. It is a medication that does a couple of things. First, it slows the emptying of my stomach so I get full quicker and eat less. And, it only allows half of the sugar I consume to be absorbed into my system. So it helps me lose weight in more than one way. The only bad side effect is that if I eat too much, I will feel bad, like painfully full. Also, the first few times I took it, it made me nauseated. (That doesn't usually happen anymore) So in order to combat the negative side effects of the medicine I need to live, I had to add another medication to my regiment. Sounds fun doesn't it.
Now, the rest of the time I feel like this disease has been a blessing. One thing is that I am definitely more conscious of what I eat. I don't eat healthy 24/7, but even being more aware of it has made me be more careful about how much of anything I put into my body. So many times we go through life on automatic; we do things without even thinking about them. I started just being more aware of my eating habits and that increase in awareness has trickled down to other parts of my life. I feel like I've become more conscious of my existence.
When I eat something now, I look at how much insulin it is going to take to keep my blood sugar normal and I ask myself "is this piece of double fudge chocolate cake the size of a small plate worth it?" The answer is usually no. So guess what...I eat a few bites. (You thought I was going to say no to the cake altogether right?) My doctor never told me I had to give up the things I loved to eat unless I was just completely incapable of self control. I gained self control and now I can have a few bites of cake and be fine. Actually, while writing this blog I was eating some candy corn. A serving of candy corn is 20 pieces so I took the amount of insulin I would need for twenty pieces. After I had the 10th piece, I was done. I'm trying to lose weight so I'm reducing the sweets. The most I eat of any candy is one serving; most times I just have half. As a result, it doesn't take that much sweet to satisfy my sweet tooth anymore. The only reason why I kept eating was because I had already taken the insulin for it and I didn't want my sugar to crash.
There goes another bad side effect to diabetes. Let me tell you...I much rather my sugar be too high than low. The feeling I get when my sugar is crashing is awful. I often can't move because any movement makes me feel like I'm going to pass out. I also get very quiet and very still, and I am easily irritated. The irritation comes from just wanting to feel better again. It also becomes hard for me to breathe. My mom gets the shakes really bad but I don't get those. And after my sugar has returned to normal, I get very tired and sleepy. It's like my body has expended all of its energy trying to return to homeostasis and there isn't any left.
So seven years after diagnosis, I am reflecting on what I have learned. I have definitely learned that a little inconvenience, no matter how annoying, is worth my life. I've learned that I can manage this disease and I have the confidence to do it. And I've learned that it's okay to get annoyed that I have a disease that will potentially be with me for the rest of my life. And I'm finally okay with that...maybe. :)
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Did You Miss Me?
I haven't blogged in forever. I missed it; I believe it brought me a sense of peace because I was able to vent and put into words my frustrations with this world, my government, other people etc. Well, I am going to make a concerted effort to blogging again on a regular basis. I know not many people see it or read it...but perhaps something I say will resonate and affect someone's life in a positive way.
What have I been doing?
One, I finished the rough draft of my novel. Yes...you can give a resounding hooray. Now, the annoying part. Writers love to write, but most writers don't like to edit. You create something. Finishing that creation was a task itself. Now, you have to go back and find all of the things that are wrong with it. And if you want to publish, you have to struggle between what would get it published and maintaining the integrity of your work. It isn't easy and finding the balance is essential. I hope to be done editing the first draft by the end of this month and then search for an agent. Which, after some research, has become daunting. There are so many agents out there I don't know where to begin. Luckily, I have an awesome former English professor who is helping me.
Secondly, I started Graduate school Yes...go ahead...give it another hooray. :) The hardest part hasn't been the material itself, but learning to manage my time again. I enjoy the material and I'm a nerd so I enjoy going to class and learning. Despite the having to get up at 7am every Saturday to drive 45 minutes to school, and possibly run into some crazy game day traffic, ROLL TIDE, I still look forward to it every week. Does that make me weird? Also, I've decided to go beyond a Masters in Social Work and get my Ph.D with a concentration in policy. I'm actually excited about the research and writing I will get to do.
Third, honestly, I've been entrenched in my relationship with my boyfriend. I know, it's sad, and I shouldn't let my relationship take over my whole life, but I love him. What can I say? I actually like spending time with him. Isn't that a good thing?
If I'm not doing schoolwork, or working, I'm with him. And I'm not ashamed of that.
Speaking of work, the fourth thing I've been doing is looking for another job so I can quit blockbuster. They just pissed me off a couple of weeks ago and I'm not going to get over it. I was going to stay there until I finished Graduate School, but now, I am looking forward to the prospect of leaving. To make a long story short, my District Manager, who is a HORRIBLE person, forced me to resign from my supervisory position because I'm not available to work on Saturdays because of school. Now, I've been in school since June. You come and tell me that I have to be available on Saturday four months later?! I don't think so. I told the store manager in my interview that I wouldn't be able to work Saturdays starting in June and nothing was said. He said that was fine as long as I had a certain number of available shifts total. When my D.M. interviewed me she didn't ask about my availability or tell me about it. So I reported her to the ethics board. Nothing will probably be done but I did my part and I feel good about that. I actually have an interview tomorrow at Brookwood Hospital. I am totally excited and praying that I get the job.
I really feel like so much has gone on. I am now one year older...my birthday was September 19th. My birthday present to myself was a new tattoo. It is beautiful. It took four hours to do, and it's not completely done, and cost a bit of money, but it was worth it. Besides that, I had a very low key birthday which was awesome.
I went on my first vacation with my boyfriend to Savannah, Georgia. That was an amazing trip. It is the perfect place to go if you just want to relax and chill. I can go clubbing and bar-hopping at home. When I'm on vacation, I want to relax. And eat a lot of good food. And let me tell you, there is a lot of GREAT food in Savannah. We stayed like 8 hours longer in the city on our last day just so we could go to Paula Deen's restaurant. And it was sooooooooo worth it; the food was heavenly. I really want to go back to the city soon. It was beautiful and fun.
I got to meet Michele Norris from All Things Considered on NPR. I went to hear her talk about her new book and it was wonderful. Two hours went by so quickly. She is extremely smart and intelligent. I haven't finished her book yet but I'm working on it.
Oh...and speaking of books...my boyfriend let me borrow this book by Robert Jordan called The Wheel of Time. I'm not usually a fantasy novel person, but I enjoyed it. It took me like six months to read because my life has been so hectic. I will say this though. He is like encouraging me to read all of these books he likes. I just haven't convinced him to read the type of books I'm more interested in. I have to admit, my boyfriend is one of those people who tries really hard to get you to like the things he does. He even tries to get me to play his XBOX. I like video games...but I am definitely more of a Wii girl. :)
I did something else and it is directly related to video games. I don't know if I lost my mind for 24 hours but I actually went to Best Buy with my boyfriend for the midnight Halo Reach release. And...played with a Halo Reach sword. And...wore a Halo Reach beanie. And...hold on...wait for it...I encouraged him to play as much as he wanted. I do believe I lost a few brain cells. That is the only thing that could account for that behavior.
And people...I have decided to move to Australia when I finish school. That won't be for a few years, but I am already excited. I feel like I need to get excited about it now so I will always keep that goal in mind and work towards it. I would need to save some money so it's important that I start working towards that now. And since my Ph.D will concentrate in policy, I can work in a little international policy there too. I think that would make me a valuable Social Worker or professor in Australia.
Now, I will tell you. When I told James, he was all for it. But he is so chill about it, it makes me uneasy. I don't know if it's indifference but I needed a reaction from him and I'm not getting one. Honestly, the only thing I've ever seen him get outwardly excited about was Halo Reach and a new laptop his dad gave him. Oh...oh...and a flat screen tv. So I guess I should have expected a blah reaction. It's just his personality; I can't change that. But I need something.
So I guess I've got you all caught up. I'm doing well in school. I'm doing well in my relationship. I've got some great future plans for myself, and I'm looking forward to no longer being an employee of Blockbuster. I feel like I'm forgetting something. Oh well...when it comes to me I'll just write another blog. :)
What have I been doing?
One, I finished the rough draft of my novel. Yes...you can give a resounding hooray. Now, the annoying part. Writers love to write, but most writers don't like to edit. You create something. Finishing that creation was a task itself. Now, you have to go back and find all of the things that are wrong with it. And if you want to publish, you have to struggle between what would get it published and maintaining the integrity of your work. It isn't easy and finding the balance is essential. I hope to be done editing the first draft by the end of this month and then search for an agent. Which, after some research, has become daunting. There are so many agents out there I don't know where to begin. Luckily, I have an awesome former English professor who is helping me.
Secondly, I started Graduate school Yes...go ahead...give it another hooray. :) The hardest part hasn't been the material itself, but learning to manage my time again. I enjoy the material and I'm a nerd so I enjoy going to class and learning. Despite the having to get up at 7am every Saturday to drive 45 minutes to school, and possibly run into some crazy game day traffic, ROLL TIDE, I still look forward to it every week. Does that make me weird? Also, I've decided to go beyond a Masters in Social Work and get my Ph.D with a concentration in policy. I'm actually excited about the research and writing I will get to do.
Third, honestly, I've been entrenched in my relationship with my boyfriend. I know, it's sad, and I shouldn't let my relationship take over my whole life, but I love him. What can I say? I actually like spending time with him. Isn't that a good thing?
If I'm not doing schoolwork, or working, I'm with him. And I'm not ashamed of that.
Speaking of work, the fourth thing I've been doing is looking for another job so I can quit blockbuster. They just pissed me off a couple of weeks ago and I'm not going to get over it. I was going to stay there until I finished Graduate School, but now, I am looking forward to the prospect of leaving. To make a long story short, my District Manager, who is a HORRIBLE person, forced me to resign from my supervisory position because I'm not available to work on Saturdays because of school. Now, I've been in school since June. You come and tell me that I have to be available on Saturday four months later?! I don't think so. I told the store manager in my interview that I wouldn't be able to work Saturdays starting in June and nothing was said. He said that was fine as long as I had a certain number of available shifts total. When my D.M. interviewed me she didn't ask about my availability or tell me about it. So I reported her to the ethics board. Nothing will probably be done but I did my part and I feel good about that. I actually have an interview tomorrow at Brookwood Hospital. I am totally excited and praying that I get the job.
I really feel like so much has gone on. I am now one year older...my birthday was September 19th. My birthday present to myself was a new tattoo. It is beautiful. It took four hours to do, and it's not completely done, and cost a bit of money, but it was worth it. Besides that, I had a very low key birthday which was awesome.
I went on my first vacation with my boyfriend to Savannah, Georgia. That was an amazing trip. It is the perfect place to go if you just want to relax and chill. I can go clubbing and bar-hopping at home. When I'm on vacation, I want to relax. And eat a lot of good food. And let me tell you, there is a lot of GREAT food in Savannah. We stayed like 8 hours longer in the city on our last day just so we could go to Paula Deen's restaurant. And it was sooooooooo worth it; the food was heavenly. I really want to go back to the city soon. It was beautiful and fun.
I got to meet Michele Norris from All Things Considered on NPR. I went to hear her talk about her new book and it was wonderful. Two hours went by so quickly. She is extremely smart and intelligent. I haven't finished her book yet but I'm working on it.
Oh...and speaking of books...my boyfriend let me borrow this book by Robert Jordan called The Wheel of Time. I'm not usually a fantasy novel person, but I enjoyed it. It took me like six months to read because my life has been so hectic. I will say this though. He is like encouraging me to read all of these books he likes. I just haven't convinced him to read the type of books I'm more interested in. I have to admit, my boyfriend is one of those people who tries really hard to get you to like the things he does. He even tries to get me to play his XBOX. I like video games...but I am definitely more of a Wii girl. :)
I did something else and it is directly related to video games. I don't know if I lost my mind for 24 hours but I actually went to Best Buy with my boyfriend for the midnight Halo Reach release. And...played with a Halo Reach sword. And...wore a Halo Reach beanie. And...hold on...wait for it...I encouraged him to play as much as he wanted. I do believe I lost a few brain cells. That is the only thing that could account for that behavior.
And people...I have decided to move to Australia when I finish school. That won't be for a few years, but I am already excited. I feel like I need to get excited about it now so I will always keep that goal in mind and work towards it. I would need to save some money so it's important that I start working towards that now. And since my Ph.D will concentrate in policy, I can work in a little international policy there too. I think that would make me a valuable Social Worker or professor in Australia.
Now, I will tell you. When I told James, he was all for it. But he is so chill about it, it makes me uneasy. I don't know if it's indifference but I needed a reaction from him and I'm not getting one. Honestly, the only thing I've ever seen him get outwardly excited about was Halo Reach and a new laptop his dad gave him. Oh...oh...and a flat screen tv. So I guess I should have expected a blah reaction. It's just his personality; I can't change that. But I need something.
So I guess I've got you all caught up. I'm doing well in school. I'm doing well in my relationship. I've got some great future plans for myself, and I'm looking forward to no longer being an employee of Blockbuster. I feel like I'm forgetting something. Oh well...when it comes to me I'll just write another blog. :)
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Let's Just Get Rid Of All The Mexicans
So I've been thinking about this new Arizona law. And...well...no matter how many people tell me it will be effective...I think it is ridiculous and encourages racial profiling. I mean, I thought we had already proven that these types of methods don't necessarily work well. And honestly, if I lived in Arizona, I would want the police focusing their energy on more pressing issues, like finding killers and rapists.
I will say that this measure has only been taken because the federal government has been lax in their immigration reform. But I think this bill is taking it too far and will do nothing to actually control illegal immigration.
Police officers are allowed to ask for a person's papers showing they are legally here only if they pulled them over for something else, like speeding or running a red light. Now, my first problem is that people assume that police in no way shape or form abuse their power. (It's funny just writing that.) And it assumes they won't continue to abuse their power with this new law. (That is even funnier.) I will say, most police are awesome and beyond brave and noble, but some are assholes. I've encountered a few. And it is naive to think that some won't use this law just to exercise their power.
And my major issue will be shown through the following scenario. Let's say you have two illegal immigrants. One is Mexican and the other Canadian. They both get pulled over for speeding. Do you honestly think the police officer is going to ask the Canadian to pull out their citizenship papers? I DON'T THINK SO! The Canadian is going to look "American," whatever that means. So yes, it is racial profiling. There is a focus put on Hispanic immigrants, when there are immigrants from all over the world in this country. They are the only ones being singled out and it isn't fair.
I think the government needs to do a huge reform of immigration. First, I think they need to provide amnesty for the illegal immigrants already here. I know a lot of people think that is ridiculous, but what else are you going to do. I think that would be easier than trying to round up all 20 million illegal immigrants already here and sending them back to their countries. It would also show that America still remembers that this nation was built on immigrants. Unless you are American Indian, your ancestors were immigrants. We need to remember that when we are treating these people like shit instead of human beings. That's it...amnesty will show that America still has its humanity.
Second, the government needs to make the border stronger.
Third, the government needs to make the citizenship process easier and this is what I would do. Remember back in the day when all a person had to do was sign their name on a registry at Ellis Island and that was it? Well I understand that things are more complicated now, but I think we need a modern day Ellis Island along the Mexican border. I think this facility would be a place anyone wishing to come to the United States can go. Officers would run criminal background checks and make sure they have no connections to dangerous drug cartels. They would register all family members coming with them and they would give them a work or school visa, whatever reason they are coming here.
So now there is a number attached to them so they can be monitored. The government should monitor them for six months. They should make sure the person finds a legitimate job. They should make them take English classes. The children will have to be enrolled in school and attending regularly. They have to show they will be productive members of this country. (Unfortunately a lot of American citizens aren't productive but that's beside the point).
After monitoring them for six months and they have kept a steady job, haven't committed a crime, have learned enough English to function, their children are in school and doing well, and have taken the pledge of allegiance, then make them a citizen. And get rid of that damn citizenship test. Most natural citizens of the US can't pass that test.
After that process is done, they are citizens. Do you know how much more revenue the government would have with 10-15 million more people paying taxes?
I think sometimes Americans forget our ancestors were immigrants. I think we forget to be humane and forget they are coming here for a better life. I'm flattered that these people are willing to risk their lives to come here and have real opportunities.
(I get so tired of people saying they are stealing our jobs. No, they are taking the jobs we don't want. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who want to paint houses for 14 hours a day making barely over minimum wage without health insurance. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who want to bus tables for barely anything. I'm certain there are so many of you out there who want to cut grass in 95 degree weather for 10 hours. They are taking the jobs many of us think we are too good for.)
I don't think we think about the fact that many of these people are being taken advantage of by employers. They are just so happy to be here and have that chance at the "American Dream" they are willing to do anything. They don't know their rights as employees and are okay with getting treated like trash because at least they are here. (Sometimes it's like they appreciate the benefits of this country more than we do. They are willing to work extremely hard for nothing, and are still happy. Makes me wonder.)
I am so tired of hearing stories about coyotes leaving people dead in the mountains. I'm so tired of hearing stories about coyotes killing people if their families couldn't pay their fee. We need to make the process easier, if for nothing but people's safety.
No matter what country they are from, they are still human beings. They still deserve to be treated with respect. Remember what is says on the Statue of Liberty.
"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-lost to me."
This country was founded on the idea of escaping oppression and welcoming anyone who wanted to get away from that life. We pretend we don't have enough resources, but we do. We don't think about how much we waste everyday, especially food. This country is wealthy enough to help people who would be happy with just the bare minimum.
Remember we claim to be the land of opportunity and we need to prove it. We have so much already. Unfortunately a lot of us can only see what we don't have. Why can't we share this beautiful country with others?
I will say that this measure has only been taken because the federal government has been lax in their immigration reform. But I think this bill is taking it too far and will do nothing to actually control illegal immigration.
Police officers are allowed to ask for a person's papers showing they are legally here only if they pulled them over for something else, like speeding or running a red light. Now, my first problem is that people assume that police in no way shape or form abuse their power. (It's funny just writing that.) And it assumes they won't continue to abuse their power with this new law. (That is even funnier.) I will say, most police are awesome and beyond brave and noble, but some are assholes. I've encountered a few. And it is naive to think that some won't use this law just to exercise their power.
And my major issue will be shown through the following scenario. Let's say you have two illegal immigrants. One is Mexican and the other Canadian. They both get pulled over for speeding. Do you honestly think the police officer is going to ask the Canadian to pull out their citizenship papers? I DON'T THINK SO! The Canadian is going to look "American," whatever that means. So yes, it is racial profiling. There is a focus put on Hispanic immigrants, when there are immigrants from all over the world in this country. They are the only ones being singled out and it isn't fair.
I think the government needs to do a huge reform of immigration. First, I think they need to provide amnesty for the illegal immigrants already here. I know a lot of people think that is ridiculous, but what else are you going to do. I think that would be easier than trying to round up all 20 million illegal immigrants already here and sending them back to their countries. It would also show that America still remembers that this nation was built on immigrants. Unless you are American Indian, your ancestors were immigrants. We need to remember that when we are treating these people like shit instead of human beings. That's it...amnesty will show that America still has its humanity.
Second, the government needs to make the border stronger.
Third, the government needs to make the citizenship process easier and this is what I would do. Remember back in the day when all a person had to do was sign their name on a registry at Ellis Island and that was it? Well I understand that things are more complicated now, but I think we need a modern day Ellis Island along the Mexican border. I think this facility would be a place anyone wishing to come to the United States can go. Officers would run criminal background checks and make sure they have no connections to dangerous drug cartels. They would register all family members coming with them and they would give them a work or school visa, whatever reason they are coming here.
So now there is a number attached to them so they can be monitored. The government should monitor them for six months. They should make sure the person finds a legitimate job. They should make them take English classes. The children will have to be enrolled in school and attending regularly. They have to show they will be productive members of this country. (Unfortunately a lot of American citizens aren't productive but that's beside the point).
After monitoring them for six months and they have kept a steady job, haven't committed a crime, have learned enough English to function, their children are in school and doing well, and have taken the pledge of allegiance, then make them a citizen. And get rid of that damn citizenship test. Most natural citizens of the US can't pass that test.
After that process is done, they are citizens. Do you know how much more revenue the government would have with 10-15 million more people paying taxes?
I think sometimes Americans forget our ancestors were immigrants. I think we forget to be humane and forget they are coming here for a better life. I'm flattered that these people are willing to risk their lives to come here and have real opportunities.
(I get so tired of people saying they are stealing our jobs. No, they are taking the jobs we don't want. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who want to paint houses for 14 hours a day making barely over minimum wage without health insurance. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who want to bus tables for barely anything. I'm certain there are so many of you out there who want to cut grass in 95 degree weather for 10 hours. They are taking the jobs many of us think we are too good for.)
I don't think we think about the fact that many of these people are being taken advantage of by employers. They are just so happy to be here and have that chance at the "American Dream" they are willing to do anything. They don't know their rights as employees and are okay with getting treated like trash because at least they are here. (Sometimes it's like they appreciate the benefits of this country more than we do. They are willing to work extremely hard for nothing, and are still happy. Makes me wonder.)
I am so tired of hearing stories about coyotes leaving people dead in the mountains. I'm so tired of hearing stories about coyotes killing people if their families couldn't pay their fee. We need to make the process easier, if for nothing but people's safety.
No matter what country they are from, they are still human beings. They still deserve to be treated with respect. Remember what is says on the Statue of Liberty.
"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-lost to me."
This country was founded on the idea of escaping oppression and welcoming anyone who wanted to get away from that life. We pretend we don't have enough resources, but we do. We don't think about how much we waste everyday, especially food. This country is wealthy enough to help people who would be happy with just the bare minimum.
Remember we claim to be the land of opportunity and we need to prove it. We have so much already. Unfortunately a lot of us can only see what we don't have. Why can't we share this beautiful country with others?
Friday, May 14, 2010
A Very Interesting Character
I have been watching The Tudors and I am fascinated by Henry VIII and royal culture. I have always been interested in Henry VIII. From the beginning he was arrogant, selfish, self-serving, conceited and seemed so insecure that anyone who spoke a word against him was subject to being accused of high treason. I don't know if all Kings acted like spoiled brats but he certainly had his moments.
And then he had those moments where he was considerate, understanding, loving, and even generous. There were moments where you could see his love for his queens and see his care for his children.
But then he turns around and has endless mistresses and has two of his wives beheaded.
Henry VIII was one of those people you couldn't completely love or hate. When watching the show, you see how much he is manipulated by others, but don't understand how someone with so much power and influence can be so gullible. It is like he doesn't follow his own instinct, but yet lets others tell him what to do. On the other hand, he is so consumed by narcissism, he has many people killed just to show his own power. In the beginning of the show, he asks his counsel Sir Thomas Moore if it better, as king, to be feared or loved. I guess he rather be feared.
And so many things are acceptable for the king that aren't for others. His wives just accept his inclination for adultery and just let him do what he wants. He can kill someone just because he feels like it without any sort of judicial process. He can accuse anyone of anything without real evidence. And he is King of England, so it is just automatically accepted. Even the people pretend to adore him out of fear of persecution. No wonder people wanted to escape England and come to North America.
I find his relationship with women very interesting. Now, I will say that I've only gotten to the Third Season so I'm currently watching him try to find wife number four. He claimed to love Katherine but dismissed her and threw her out like garbage when Miss Ann Boleyn came along. He even banned both his wife and daughter from court, and went through extreme measures to try to get the marriage annulled so he could marry Ann.
When he did marry Ann secretly and finally make her queen when Katherine dies, he cheats on her. He is eager to have a son, and becomes very cold to Ann when she loses two of the babies and the only child she has is a girl, the future Queen Elizabeth. I felt bad for Mary because the King sent her to take care of Elizabeth as a baby. No wonder Mary resented her so much.
Well we all know Henry had Ann's head chopped off. I didn't really like Ann, but she didn't commit the crimes of adultery and incest that he accused her off. She did conspire with her father and brother to help control England and promote the Protestant Reformation but she didn't deserve to die. The King of England just doesn't like anyone doing anything that isn't to his liking.
Before she was even dead he was already courting Jane Seymour. I liked her. She was kind and brought out the best in the King. She was definitely the opposite of Ann. She was quiet and reserved, and knew her place in court. Unfortunately she died after giving birth to their son Edward. And now the King is trying to find wife number four.
(I think I could go on and on talking about Henry VIII)
I think one of the problems Henry VIII had was that he trusted other people more than he trusted himself. He allowed all of these people come into court who had their own agendas without for a second questioning their motives. I guess there was no vetting during that time.
I can't wait until the fourth and last season comes out on DVD so I can watch it. I'm not that interested in royalty, but Henry VIII just seems so interesting. Sometimes you feel sorry for him because hardly anyone around him can be trusted. The only person I've seen that can be trusted to truly look out for the King's best interest is his friend Charles Brandon, Duke of Suffolk. What I like most about Charles is that he isn't afraid to confront the King on certain issues and work to get him back on the right track. He does so covertly though as to not risk banishment from court or worse.
I just don't think Henry VIII learned from his mistakes and continued to make the same ones over and over.
Now, on another note, I believe Showtime did a great job with this show. It has presented history in a very entertaining way. You don't even realize you are learning something when watching it. Also, I think the television sets are beautiful and the writing is brilliant. And I think Jonathan Rhys Meyers, in all of his sexiness, makes a great Henry VIII. I really enjoy the show.
I look forward to finishing the series and learning more about this King who is more infamous than anything. If this show is a true reflection of the King's life, he had to deal with a lot of fucking drama. However, most of it created due to the choices he made.
(There will probably be more posts concerning this time especially about the Catholic Church during that time and the protestant reformation. Maybe I'll devote a whole post just to the people he beheaded or had killed. Which was a lot. I wasn't expecting all of these people to die.)
And then he had those moments where he was considerate, understanding, loving, and even generous. There were moments where you could see his love for his queens and see his care for his children.
But then he turns around and has endless mistresses and has two of his wives beheaded.
Henry VIII was one of those people you couldn't completely love or hate. When watching the show, you see how much he is manipulated by others, but don't understand how someone with so much power and influence can be so gullible. It is like he doesn't follow his own instinct, but yet lets others tell him what to do. On the other hand, he is so consumed by narcissism, he has many people killed just to show his own power. In the beginning of the show, he asks his counsel Sir Thomas Moore if it better, as king, to be feared or loved. I guess he rather be feared.
And so many things are acceptable for the king that aren't for others. His wives just accept his inclination for adultery and just let him do what he wants. He can kill someone just because he feels like it without any sort of judicial process. He can accuse anyone of anything without real evidence. And he is King of England, so it is just automatically accepted. Even the people pretend to adore him out of fear of persecution. No wonder people wanted to escape England and come to North America.
I find his relationship with women very interesting. Now, I will say that I've only gotten to the Third Season so I'm currently watching him try to find wife number four. He claimed to love Katherine but dismissed her and threw her out like garbage when Miss Ann Boleyn came along. He even banned both his wife and daughter from court, and went through extreme measures to try to get the marriage annulled so he could marry Ann.
When he did marry Ann secretly and finally make her queen when Katherine dies, he cheats on her. He is eager to have a son, and becomes very cold to Ann when she loses two of the babies and the only child she has is a girl, the future Queen Elizabeth. I felt bad for Mary because the King sent her to take care of Elizabeth as a baby. No wonder Mary resented her so much.
Well we all know Henry had Ann's head chopped off. I didn't really like Ann, but she didn't commit the crimes of adultery and incest that he accused her off. She did conspire with her father and brother to help control England and promote the Protestant Reformation but she didn't deserve to die. The King of England just doesn't like anyone doing anything that isn't to his liking.
Before she was even dead he was already courting Jane Seymour. I liked her. She was kind and brought out the best in the King. She was definitely the opposite of Ann. She was quiet and reserved, and knew her place in court. Unfortunately she died after giving birth to their son Edward. And now the King is trying to find wife number four.
(I think I could go on and on talking about Henry VIII)
I think one of the problems Henry VIII had was that he trusted other people more than he trusted himself. He allowed all of these people come into court who had their own agendas without for a second questioning their motives. I guess there was no vetting during that time.
I can't wait until the fourth and last season comes out on DVD so I can watch it. I'm not that interested in royalty, but Henry VIII just seems so interesting. Sometimes you feel sorry for him because hardly anyone around him can be trusted. The only person I've seen that can be trusted to truly look out for the King's best interest is his friend Charles Brandon, Duke of Suffolk. What I like most about Charles is that he isn't afraid to confront the King on certain issues and work to get him back on the right track. He does so covertly though as to not risk banishment from court or worse.
I just don't think Henry VIII learned from his mistakes and continued to make the same ones over and over.
Now, on another note, I believe Showtime did a great job with this show. It has presented history in a very entertaining way. You don't even realize you are learning something when watching it. Also, I think the television sets are beautiful and the writing is brilliant. And I think Jonathan Rhys Meyers, in all of his sexiness, makes a great Henry VIII. I really enjoy the show.
I look forward to finishing the series and learning more about this King who is more infamous than anything. If this show is a true reflection of the King's life, he had to deal with a lot of fucking drama. However, most of it created due to the choices he made.
(There will probably be more posts concerning this time especially about the Catholic Church during that time and the protestant reformation. Maybe I'll devote a whole post just to the people he beheaded or had killed. Which was a lot. I wasn't expecting all of these people to die.)
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Let's Have a Tea Party
So, I've been interested in the new Tea Party lately and trying to understand what they want exactly from the government. I'm trying to figure out if they even want a government at all.
Not all of them are crazy, although some may say that any group that believes Sarah Palin to be an outstanding leader nuts, some of their beliefs are valid. They just want less government and less taxes. Unfortunately, their reasons for wanting those things and their methods for achieving them aren't exactly sensible.
One problem I have with some is that they only want the government involved when it benefits them. So because most members of the tea party are white and middle aged, they don't want the government to take away their medicare and social security. But they want less taxes. What do they think pays for those programs?
I just don't understand exactly where they want the government involved. I mean, do they want the government regulating the financial industry to protect against another recession? Do they want federal funding for public education and public projects, such as constructing roads and bridges? Do they want the FDA, SEC, FTC, CIA, FBI, VA, SSA, and DEA to exist? Those are all funded by taxes. Do they still want the military because that is also funded by taxes. Do they still want their medicare? I mean, I don't think I've heard anything specific about what they want.
I've heard some crazy things, like getting rid of the Department of Education and eliminating welfare. And I know that for them, since they are mostly well off people, that welfare seems pointless but it does help a lot of people. I will say that welfare, of TANF as Clinton renamed it, does need to be reformed in a way that encourages people to find work and get off of it.
I heard a guest on NPR today talk about how we as Americans often forget our responsibility to take care of each other. We forget that our taxes are the reasons we have so many programs that many, including members of the Tea Party, would be reluctant to have eliminated. Yes, we pay a lot of taxes, but we do get things out of it. And I think people need to remember that. I think people need to remember the benefits of taxes.
Yes the government squanders our money on stupid earmark projects, politicians asking for money so they can have a library in their name built in their hometown. And I believe that is ridiculous. But our taxes do give us roads, public schools, interstates, welfare, CHIP, medicare, medicaid, social security, social security disability, WIC, food stamps, pay firefighters, policeman, and EMTs, pay members of the military to protect us and keep us safe, pay inspectors of the FDA to regulate our food industry and keep it as safe as possible, and provide money during natural disasters. The government isn't perfect, but it's all we have.
I will say not all members of the Tea Party are ridiculous. Most of them seem to have common sense. What upsets me is that if it doesn't benefit them personally, they don't want to help pay for it with their taxes. And you know what, my mom taught me to be generous and if I could give up a little to help someone in a major way, I should be willing to do it. And I don't mind paying more taxes so the single mother down the street can get her food stamps so she can take care of her children. I don't mind paying taxes so the elderly woman who worked her entire life can afford to get her medicine. I honestly don't mind. I am extremely blessed and it would be extremely selfish for me to deny someone else help when I have so much. I probably would spend that extra money, if taxes were reduced, on shoes. :)
I would really like to know more about this new movement because it seems utterly nonsensical. I'm even starting to feel sorry for incumbent Republican candidates running for office because the Tea Party is blaming them for things that aren't their fault. The Tea Party rather have people in there who will stand on their principles rather than people who will get things done and actually make positive changes. I think that is insane. I thought we elected officials into office to do things, not to stand on ideology while a state suffers from a lack of funding.
Maybe the members of the Tea Party just need a hug. It was so funny. I saw this member of the Tea Party movement on television with a sign that said "Keep your government hands off my medicare." Who do they think runs and funds medicare? THE GOVERNMENT. Sometimes they seem so out of touch with reality and stuck on ideology. They need to educate themselves on what goes on in this country. See some things that they haven't seen before, and perhaps realize that the tax money they are so desperate to hold onto is keeping someone off the street, someone fed, and given a child the opportunity to have health insurance.
Not all of them are crazy, although some may say that any group that believes Sarah Palin to be an outstanding leader nuts, some of their beliefs are valid. They just want less government and less taxes. Unfortunately, their reasons for wanting those things and their methods for achieving them aren't exactly sensible.
One problem I have with some is that they only want the government involved when it benefits them. So because most members of the tea party are white and middle aged, they don't want the government to take away their medicare and social security. But they want less taxes. What do they think pays for those programs?
I just don't understand exactly where they want the government involved. I mean, do they want the government regulating the financial industry to protect against another recession? Do they want federal funding for public education and public projects, such as constructing roads and bridges? Do they want the FDA, SEC, FTC, CIA, FBI, VA, SSA, and DEA to exist? Those are all funded by taxes. Do they still want the military because that is also funded by taxes. Do they still want their medicare? I mean, I don't think I've heard anything specific about what they want.
I've heard some crazy things, like getting rid of the Department of Education and eliminating welfare. And I know that for them, since they are mostly well off people, that welfare seems pointless but it does help a lot of people. I will say that welfare, of TANF as Clinton renamed it, does need to be reformed in a way that encourages people to find work and get off of it.
I heard a guest on NPR today talk about how we as Americans often forget our responsibility to take care of each other. We forget that our taxes are the reasons we have so many programs that many, including members of the Tea Party, would be reluctant to have eliminated. Yes, we pay a lot of taxes, but we do get things out of it. And I think people need to remember that. I think people need to remember the benefits of taxes.
Yes the government squanders our money on stupid earmark projects, politicians asking for money so they can have a library in their name built in their hometown. And I believe that is ridiculous. But our taxes do give us roads, public schools, interstates, welfare, CHIP, medicare, medicaid, social security, social security disability, WIC, food stamps, pay firefighters, policeman, and EMTs, pay members of the military to protect us and keep us safe, pay inspectors of the FDA to regulate our food industry and keep it as safe as possible, and provide money during natural disasters. The government isn't perfect, but it's all we have.
I will say not all members of the Tea Party are ridiculous. Most of them seem to have common sense. What upsets me is that if it doesn't benefit them personally, they don't want to help pay for it with their taxes. And you know what, my mom taught me to be generous and if I could give up a little to help someone in a major way, I should be willing to do it. And I don't mind paying more taxes so the single mother down the street can get her food stamps so she can take care of her children. I don't mind paying taxes so the elderly woman who worked her entire life can afford to get her medicine. I honestly don't mind. I am extremely blessed and it would be extremely selfish for me to deny someone else help when I have so much. I probably would spend that extra money, if taxes were reduced, on shoes. :)
I would really like to know more about this new movement because it seems utterly nonsensical. I'm even starting to feel sorry for incumbent Republican candidates running for office because the Tea Party is blaming them for things that aren't their fault. The Tea Party rather have people in there who will stand on their principles rather than people who will get things done and actually make positive changes. I think that is insane. I thought we elected officials into office to do things, not to stand on ideology while a state suffers from a lack of funding.
Maybe the members of the Tea Party just need a hug. It was so funny. I saw this member of the Tea Party movement on television with a sign that said "Keep your government hands off my medicare." Who do they think runs and funds medicare? THE GOVERNMENT. Sometimes they seem so out of touch with reality and stuck on ideology. They need to educate themselves on what goes on in this country. See some things that they haven't seen before, and perhaps realize that the tax money they are so desperate to hold onto is keeping someone off the street, someone fed, and given a child the opportunity to have health insurance.
Progress...or Lack Thereof
The draft of my novel has been done for a while now and I've only re-read the first chapter. And I'm supposed to be printing out the draft and giving it to friends to read and edit but I haven't done that either. I think the fear of criticism and rejection hasn't faded. It decreased enough for me to finish the damn thing but not enough to take the next steps. And the next steps are necessary if I'm going to get published and even become a better writer.
So next week it has to get done. I really don't know what I'm so afraid of. Writing for me is extremely personal, and for someone to say it stinks would hurt my feelings. I know I'm not the best writer in the world but I believe I'm pretty good. I think it was kind of discouraging when I read the first chapter and thought it was utter crap. And I've decided to rewrite the whole first chapter. I really don't want to read the rest and realize I need to rewrite the whole thing. That would be devastating. I do know I am my harshest critic but I have to be. If I don't like it, I'm not going to send it out to agents.
The odd things is that I'm already prepared to write my second one. I know what it's going to be about and I know the characters. And I do want to begin it, but I need to concentrate on perfecting the novel I've finished before beginning my next one.
Now onto something that actually is progressing. Remember my whole weight loss breakthrough. It is actually going very well. I've decided to take a new approach and I believe I have just finished week three and I am feeling great.
My whole focus has been on reducing the amount of carbs I consume. I'm a type 1 Diabetic and insulin makes me gain weight. So if I reduce the amount of insulin I need, I will lose weight. And the only way to reduce the amount of insulin I need is to reduce the amount of carbs I consume. As of now, I went from using about 32 units of insulin a day to averaging 25. That is a reduction of seven units a day. That may not sound like a lot, but that is over a 100 grams of carbs a day I have taken out of my diet. And for me, someone who loves her sweets and her bread, that is awesome.
I have been working out about four times a week. I actually think I'm working out too much. I mean, the focus of my workout is Pilates because I'm trying to tone up and slim down but I really shouldn't do them everyday. When working muscles, they break down. In order for them to build back stronger, you have to give them a rest and I haven't been doing that. So today, I'm taking a break from working out, the first day since last Friday.
My only fear is that I become so obsessed with burning calories that I do workout too much and completely ruin my plan. Working out too much can actually hurt a weight loss plan. It could shock your body into holding onto fat instead of burning it. (one of my many lessons learned from Dr. Oz).
So one thing in my life isn't progressing at all, my novel. And one is progressing very well, my weight loss plan. Oh, and my relationship is progressing as well. I guess I'm not doing too shabby. I just need to get my shit together concerning my novel.
So next week it has to get done. I really don't know what I'm so afraid of. Writing for me is extremely personal, and for someone to say it stinks would hurt my feelings. I know I'm not the best writer in the world but I believe I'm pretty good. I think it was kind of discouraging when I read the first chapter and thought it was utter crap. And I've decided to rewrite the whole first chapter. I really don't want to read the rest and realize I need to rewrite the whole thing. That would be devastating. I do know I am my harshest critic but I have to be. If I don't like it, I'm not going to send it out to agents.
The odd things is that I'm already prepared to write my second one. I know what it's going to be about and I know the characters. And I do want to begin it, but I need to concentrate on perfecting the novel I've finished before beginning my next one.
Now onto something that actually is progressing. Remember my whole weight loss breakthrough. It is actually going very well. I've decided to take a new approach and I believe I have just finished week three and I am feeling great.
My whole focus has been on reducing the amount of carbs I consume. I'm a type 1 Diabetic and insulin makes me gain weight. So if I reduce the amount of insulin I need, I will lose weight. And the only way to reduce the amount of insulin I need is to reduce the amount of carbs I consume. As of now, I went from using about 32 units of insulin a day to averaging 25. That is a reduction of seven units a day. That may not sound like a lot, but that is over a 100 grams of carbs a day I have taken out of my diet. And for me, someone who loves her sweets and her bread, that is awesome.
I have been working out about four times a week. I actually think I'm working out too much. I mean, the focus of my workout is Pilates because I'm trying to tone up and slim down but I really shouldn't do them everyday. When working muscles, they break down. In order for them to build back stronger, you have to give them a rest and I haven't been doing that. So today, I'm taking a break from working out, the first day since last Friday.
My only fear is that I become so obsessed with burning calories that I do workout too much and completely ruin my plan. Working out too much can actually hurt a weight loss plan. It could shock your body into holding onto fat instead of burning it. (one of my many lessons learned from Dr. Oz).
So one thing in my life isn't progressing at all, my novel. And one is progressing very well, my weight loss plan. Oh, and my relationship is progressing as well. I guess I'm not doing too shabby. I just need to get my shit together concerning my novel.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Always Running For Office
Why do our politicians never actually do anything? They are always running for office, doing their best to ensure they will continue to be elected instead of doing what is right for their people. They are always trying to guarantee money in their pockets by appeasing the lobbyists and all those who contribute to their campaigns. Like my father said today, they are great at doing nothing.
I loved it when President Obama said that he would rather do good in one term than do hardly anything to get re-elected. Too bad not all of the people in politics think the same way. Our politicians choose to do the meager requirements to make sure they keep their paycheck and their privileges.
The worst part is that we keep re-electing them. We keep putting into office these arrogant, self-serving, close-minded, pretentious, assholes who only pretend to look out for our best interest to keep their power and control.
It is very interesting listening to what is going on in this country right now concerning the midterm elections. Politicians are always choosing to do what is easy instead of what is right and I am sick of it. I am sick of greedy old men sitting in Washington D.C. in their Chambers pretending to work.
Now, I understand that people have to do what they have to do to get elected, but I thought that meant they conceived of good ideas to help this country and expressed them to their constituents. Obviously I was wrong considering the political ads I've seen and heard lately. I heard one on the radio by someone running for Alabama Governor. The whole commercial was about the fact that the driving test was given in thirteen different languages. He said that if he was governor, the test would only be given in English and that if someone wants to live here, they should learn English. First of all, someone from another country may know English but may not know it very well. A driver's license is one of the first things you have to get in this country, so it would be easy to understand if at that time, their English may not be so well. It is simply a courtesy to offer it in those languages, including sign language. Second, aren't there more important things in this state to worry about than what languages the driving test is offered in? When I heard that commercial, I wondered if that politician is actually paying attention to what's going on in this state and if he has any good ideas to fix our problem.
The second problem I have about these commercials is it's no longer about policy. It's about labels. There is a commercial out there for a Republican that doesn't mention anything about what he wants to do for the country, but just says that he's a conservative and that's why we should vote for him. I don't care if you are liberal, conservative, or moderate. Tell me what you are going to try to do for this country.
There isn't any substance in these campaigns. Just a bunch of mindless bickering done by children fighting over a toy. I wish they would just stop and discuss the important things. And stop saying that a democrat voted for more abortions, and other things like that. It is just utterly ridiculous.
I believe these people are afraid to debate over the real issues and stop attacking each other over insignificant things, because if they did, people would see they have nothing real to offer this country.
Nothing gets done in this country, and it's because some, or even most, politicians are just stupid. They are greedy and care only about their own ambitions. I say we should just kick them all out of office.
I loved it when President Obama said that he would rather do good in one term than do hardly anything to get re-elected. Too bad not all of the people in politics think the same way. Our politicians choose to do the meager requirements to make sure they keep their paycheck and their privileges.
The worst part is that we keep re-electing them. We keep putting into office these arrogant, self-serving, close-minded, pretentious, assholes who only pretend to look out for our best interest to keep their power and control.
It is very interesting listening to what is going on in this country right now concerning the midterm elections. Politicians are always choosing to do what is easy instead of what is right and I am sick of it. I am sick of greedy old men sitting in Washington D.C. in their Chambers pretending to work.
Now, I understand that people have to do what they have to do to get elected, but I thought that meant they conceived of good ideas to help this country and expressed them to their constituents. Obviously I was wrong considering the political ads I've seen and heard lately. I heard one on the radio by someone running for Alabama Governor. The whole commercial was about the fact that the driving test was given in thirteen different languages. He said that if he was governor, the test would only be given in English and that if someone wants to live here, they should learn English. First of all, someone from another country may know English but may not know it very well. A driver's license is one of the first things you have to get in this country, so it would be easy to understand if at that time, their English may not be so well. It is simply a courtesy to offer it in those languages, including sign language. Second, aren't there more important things in this state to worry about than what languages the driving test is offered in? When I heard that commercial, I wondered if that politician is actually paying attention to what's going on in this state and if he has any good ideas to fix our problem.
The second problem I have about these commercials is it's no longer about policy. It's about labels. There is a commercial out there for a Republican that doesn't mention anything about what he wants to do for the country, but just says that he's a conservative and that's why we should vote for him. I don't care if you are liberal, conservative, or moderate. Tell me what you are going to try to do for this country.
There isn't any substance in these campaigns. Just a bunch of mindless bickering done by children fighting over a toy. I wish they would just stop and discuss the important things. And stop saying that a democrat voted for more abortions, and other things like that. It is just utterly ridiculous.
I believe these people are afraid to debate over the real issues and stop attacking each other over insignificant things, because if they did, people would see they have nothing real to offer this country.
Nothing gets done in this country, and it's because some, or even most, politicians are just stupid. They are greedy and care only about their own ambitions. I say we should just kick them all out of office.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
"What About Your Friends"
Sometimes you have to let go, and sometimes that includes people. This week I lost my best friend. (I have to admit over something stupid) But, shit happens. And I should be more upset, but I'm not. People change and she happened to change in a way that was no longer compatible with me.
I would have loved to have been friends with her forever, but she didn't want that. And you know what, that's okay. Better that I find out how important I am to her now than five years from now. And it's okay that I wasn't important to her and our friendship wasn't worth having from her perspective. She is who she is and I cannot change that. "Know the things I cannot change." And I believe she will be a good friend to someone else; just not to me. I have this tendency to expect people to treat me the way I treat them and it just doesn't work out that way all of the time. She couldn't be the best friend I need so it was time for me to move on.
Friendship is like any relationship; it takes two people to make it work and keep it going. And for the most part, especially towards the end, I was the only person making an effort. See, she and I are different. The people in my life are very important to me, and to make sure they know it I show them. I treat them like they matter to me and I consider them in my decisions. I remember that my decisions do affect the people around me. She is a private person and is content being alone. I need people in my life, especially ones I can trust. I know at some point I'm going to need someone's help.
She was meant to come into my life for a certain time and then leave it. And now I'm ready to move on. Even though I feel like she treated me unfairly and with complete disregard, I have no ill feelings towards her. I still care about her well-being; we just can't be friends. The word "friend" means two different things to us.
So...
1. Make sure your friends know you care about them.
2. It is better to have two good friends you can trust and rely on than 50 acquaintances.
3. Don't be afraid to let go of someone if you think they are holding you back.
4. People change and you should expect them to.
5. Don't take your true friends for granted because one day you may need them, and they won't be there.
6. Don't be afraid to call your friends out on their shit.
7. Be honest but not hurtful.
8. Don't forget to have fun.
9. Let go of the past. I was trying to hold onto a friendship that hadn't truly existed for two years. Make sure what you are holding onto is real.
10. Don't treat people like they are disposable. If you do, the people that come into your life will treat you the same way.
The only way you can see what is ahead of you is to stop looking in the rear view mirror.
So remember why your friends are your friends, and if it isn't genuine, just do a little downgrade. No one should burn bridges, but make sure your friends are actually your friends before you trust them. And if a friendship ends like a bad breakup, let it go. Don't let their actions affect you in a negative way. I think that's why I'm okay. I refuse to let anything petty cause me unnecessary stress and anxiety. You know, someone telling me they didn't want to be my friend anymore would have bothered me a few years ago. But, when you discover who you are and are confident in who you are, not one person's opinion can change that. And not one person's validation will make it more true.
I would have loved to have been friends with her forever, but she didn't want that. And you know what, that's okay. Better that I find out how important I am to her now than five years from now. And it's okay that I wasn't important to her and our friendship wasn't worth having from her perspective. She is who she is and I cannot change that. "Know the things I cannot change." And I believe she will be a good friend to someone else; just not to me. I have this tendency to expect people to treat me the way I treat them and it just doesn't work out that way all of the time. She couldn't be the best friend I need so it was time for me to move on.
Friendship is like any relationship; it takes two people to make it work and keep it going. And for the most part, especially towards the end, I was the only person making an effort. See, she and I are different. The people in my life are very important to me, and to make sure they know it I show them. I treat them like they matter to me and I consider them in my decisions. I remember that my decisions do affect the people around me. She is a private person and is content being alone. I need people in my life, especially ones I can trust. I know at some point I'm going to need someone's help.
She was meant to come into my life for a certain time and then leave it. And now I'm ready to move on. Even though I feel like she treated me unfairly and with complete disregard, I have no ill feelings towards her. I still care about her well-being; we just can't be friends. The word "friend" means two different things to us.
So...
1. Make sure your friends know you care about them.
2. It is better to have two good friends you can trust and rely on than 50 acquaintances.
3. Don't be afraid to let go of someone if you think they are holding you back.
4. People change and you should expect them to.
5. Don't take your true friends for granted because one day you may need them, and they won't be there.
6. Don't be afraid to call your friends out on their shit.
7. Be honest but not hurtful.
8. Don't forget to have fun.
9. Let go of the past. I was trying to hold onto a friendship that hadn't truly existed for two years. Make sure what you are holding onto is real.
10. Don't treat people like they are disposable. If you do, the people that come into your life will treat you the same way.
The only way you can see what is ahead of you is to stop looking in the rear view mirror.
So remember why your friends are your friends, and if it isn't genuine, just do a little downgrade. No one should burn bridges, but make sure your friends are actually your friends before you trust them. And if a friendship ends like a bad breakup, let it go. Don't let their actions affect you in a negative way. I think that's why I'm okay. I refuse to let anything petty cause me unnecessary stress and anxiety. You know, someone telling me they didn't want to be my friend anymore would have bothered me a few years ago. But, when you discover who you are and are confident in who you are, not one person's opinion can change that. And not one person's validation will make it more true.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Resolve
My first memories of Church are laying down in the pew of New Pilgrim Baptist Church, my head in my mother's lap and sleeping. I do remember being in the choir and going to practice. Beyond that, I don't have any recollection of church. And because of that, Church had never made a lasting impression. That was until my mother converted to Catholicism. I felt at home in the Catholic Church. Church finally meant something. (It also meant service only lasted an hour.) I enjoyed the process of being confirmed in the Catholic Church and even became an altar server. I felt, and still do feel, that the Catholic Church is where I belonged.
I liked it's preachings of Grace and forgiveness. There was no mention of fire and brimstone, and I rarely heard the word hell. I liked it's emphasis on charity and having a strong faith along with living a good life. I liked it's charitable work and it's desire to help the less fortunate. Despite it's shady history, which every Church has, the good things always outweighed the bad.
When the scandal about the Priests molesting altar boys and girls became public, I was all of a sudden thrown into a unexpected internal debate. Can you have respect for a faith without respecting some of its representatives. I wondered if I should leave the Church. Then the controversy began to fade. And now it's come to the forefront again with the Pope and the possible covering up of Priest misconduct in Germany. Now I'm thinking about it again.
I love what the Church represents. I even enjoy the meditative nature of Mass. But this has got me questioning my choice to be Catholic. And I wish I knew what to do. This controversy should diminish my love of the Church but it doesn't. I remind myself on what the Church was built on, and try to ignore the political involvement and abuse of power. Those things are extremely difficult to ignore.
I try to keep in mind the Church's deep love for Christ and people, but everyday it becomes harder considering the violation of so many people due to Priests. Buried beneath all of this shit, is a good faith at it's core. It just got turned around by people who chose to ignore a problem and choose not to do what's necessary for the victims of these horrendous crimes. It breaks my heart.
But I realize that I have invested my heart and faith in God, not in Priests. They are supposed to be representatives of God, and some have taken it upon themselves to betray that role. I understand that they are human, but it is disgusting. Not just the fact that some Priests molested children, but also the Church's subsequent non-reaction by trying to hide it. They had to know it would come out sooner or later.
I don't want to leave my Church. Despite everything, that is where I feel most comfortable. The Catholic Church has given me so much, and it hurts to know that at the same time it was giving me faith and love, it was stripping others of those things. I really think the Church needs to reevaluate Canon law. Sometimes I believe the Church forgets that, despite Priests' calling to be messengers of God's word, they are still human and that humanity cannot be replaced by divinity. That humanity remains despite their vocation. Despite their vows, those desires and affinity to imperfection will always exist.
It is a frustrating dilemma, but one I am prepared to endeavor. I believe that the Church can turn back to God and remember its number one priority, which is to spread Christ's word. I believe the Church will recover, but it needs to recognize its mistakes and repent for them. The Church is not above doing the wrong thing, and now would be the perfect time for it to show its dedication to the people it has sworn to lead and represent, not to the protection of its reputation and disreputable Priest.
I liked it's preachings of Grace and forgiveness. There was no mention of fire and brimstone, and I rarely heard the word hell. I liked it's emphasis on charity and having a strong faith along with living a good life. I liked it's charitable work and it's desire to help the less fortunate. Despite it's shady history, which every Church has, the good things always outweighed the bad.
When the scandal about the Priests molesting altar boys and girls became public, I was all of a sudden thrown into a unexpected internal debate. Can you have respect for a faith without respecting some of its representatives. I wondered if I should leave the Church. Then the controversy began to fade. And now it's come to the forefront again with the Pope and the possible covering up of Priest misconduct in Germany. Now I'm thinking about it again.
I love what the Church represents. I even enjoy the meditative nature of Mass. But this has got me questioning my choice to be Catholic. And I wish I knew what to do. This controversy should diminish my love of the Church but it doesn't. I remind myself on what the Church was built on, and try to ignore the political involvement and abuse of power. Those things are extremely difficult to ignore.
I try to keep in mind the Church's deep love for Christ and people, but everyday it becomes harder considering the violation of so many people due to Priests. Buried beneath all of this shit, is a good faith at it's core. It just got turned around by people who chose to ignore a problem and choose not to do what's necessary for the victims of these horrendous crimes. It breaks my heart.
But I realize that I have invested my heart and faith in God, not in Priests. They are supposed to be representatives of God, and some have taken it upon themselves to betray that role. I understand that they are human, but it is disgusting. Not just the fact that some Priests molested children, but also the Church's subsequent non-reaction by trying to hide it. They had to know it would come out sooner or later.
I don't want to leave my Church. Despite everything, that is where I feel most comfortable. The Catholic Church has given me so much, and it hurts to know that at the same time it was giving me faith and love, it was stripping others of those things. I really think the Church needs to reevaluate Canon law. Sometimes I believe the Church forgets that, despite Priests' calling to be messengers of God's word, they are still human and that humanity cannot be replaced by divinity. That humanity remains despite their vocation. Despite their vows, those desires and affinity to imperfection will always exist.
It is a frustrating dilemma, but one I am prepared to endeavor. I believe that the Church can turn back to God and remember its number one priority, which is to spread Christ's word. I believe the Church will recover, but it needs to recognize its mistakes and repent for them. The Church is not above doing the wrong thing, and now would be the perfect time for it to show its dedication to the people it has sworn to lead and represent, not to the protection of its reputation and disreputable Priest.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
80% Approval
My mom is a teacher and have so much respect for her. I have been in her classroom and seen her students, and she has to put up with so much. This is the first year she comes home and tells me that her students are just awful and she just wants to quit, or at least go to another school. My mom is an amazing teacher. I have seen her take a third grader who came in reading at a kindergarten level, and the child leaves third grade reading at a fourth grade level. She is very good at what she does.
The education system in this country is horrible, and it is nice to know our President is making Reform a priority. I believe that his idea to create more charter schools is an awesome idea. And I definitely believe No Child Left Behind has been more detrimental than helpful to children. And it's good to know he wants to change No Child Left Behind.
So, this 80% approval in the title refers to how much I approve of what Obama and the Secretary of Education want to do. But I do see some problems.
First, there is too much responsibility on the teacher to improve a child's education and none on the child themselves. There are children that just do not want to learn; I've seen them in my mom's classroom. And the administration seems to be lacking in that reality. A teacher shouldn't be held totally responsible if a child is failing. When I was growing up, doing my homework and making sure my grades were good were my responsibility. I was responsible for getting my education. Of course my parents were supportive and encouraging, but if I wasn't doing well, they didn't go bless out the teacher; they punished me.
I also think we need to get out of this whole standardized test thing. Children are not standard. They learn and express their knowledge differently, and these tests don't take that into consideration. My mom spends most of her time teaching her children how to pass the damn state tests versus teaching them what third graders need to know. I didn't have these stupid tests and I did pretty damn well. Some children are like my mom. My mom is extremely intelligent, but she is horrible at taking standardized tests. She said she would get very nervous and anxious, and not do as well as she could. The administration isn't taking into account that some of these children may just be bad at taking standardized tests. I say, take the emphasis off tests and emphasize learning. I understand you have to assess how well a school is doing, but shouldn't a student's grades be enough?
Also, schools don't have enough resources. I was very lucky to have been able to go to John Carroll where I had many resources available. But not all students are that lucky. Also, teachers don't get paid enough. There are some great people out there who may be wonderful teachers, but choose not to be because the pay is so poor. (It's crazy that we pay teachers, police officers, nurses, and firefighters less than we pay athletes and actors. I think that is ridiculous. I watch Nurse Jackie and Jackie said something very interesting during one of the episodes. She said that the doctors are there to diagnose; the nurses are there to take care of the patients.)
I think that elementary school should be like middle and high school. My mom is expected to teach social studies, science, reading, spelling, and math. I think that is insane. The reason college and high school structures work is because the teachers are experts in their field. So why not have one teacher teach social studies, one reading and spelling, one math, and one science. An expert in a field would perhaps be better at communicating the information related to that field. When you get a Ph.D, you have to take an oral exam so on some level, you have to know how to communicate the information. Now, not all college professors are great, but they do know what the hell they are talking about.
Lastly, my mom spends too much of her time disciplining in her classroom. We underestimate these children. They may not be extremely book smart, but their street smarts are incredible. They are too smart for their own good. How they act in school is simply a reflection of how they act at home, and children are no longer afraid of their parents or teachers. They are no longer afraid of punishment. I was terrified to do something bad because I knew my mom and dad would be upset, and I would be punished. These children know neither their parents or teachers can do anything to them in terms of discipline. If a teacher even yells too loud, the student can go complain and that teacher could get reprimanded. These parents know their children can call the police and call their discipline, abuse. The children know no one can touch them. So they act a fool in school. I say bring back corporal punishment. I know the ACLU would have a fit at that statement, but something needs to be done. These children have no incentive to behave, so let not getting their butt kicked be an incentive.
I'd also like the Obama administration to be careful in how much they get involved in the classroom. My mom is frustrated by the amount of politics she has to deal with on a daily basis. It simply interferes with her teaching. I do not want my mom to become even more distracted by ridiculous tests and standards that keep her from actually teaching.
Education Reform is very important to me but reform has to be approached from all angles. There has to be more parental involvement and students need to be held responsible for their behavior. Teachers need to be allowed to discipline, and so do parents. Making teachers take three science and math classes is not going to improve the system. And putting special needs children in the same class as children who learn "normally" doesn't help either. Just like our children need to have a well-rounded education, reform also needs to be well-rounded.
The education system in this country is horrible, and it is nice to know our President is making Reform a priority. I believe that his idea to create more charter schools is an awesome idea. And I definitely believe No Child Left Behind has been more detrimental than helpful to children. And it's good to know he wants to change No Child Left Behind.
So, this 80% approval in the title refers to how much I approve of what Obama and the Secretary of Education want to do. But I do see some problems.
First, there is too much responsibility on the teacher to improve a child's education and none on the child themselves. There are children that just do not want to learn; I've seen them in my mom's classroom. And the administration seems to be lacking in that reality. A teacher shouldn't be held totally responsible if a child is failing. When I was growing up, doing my homework and making sure my grades were good were my responsibility. I was responsible for getting my education. Of course my parents were supportive and encouraging, but if I wasn't doing well, they didn't go bless out the teacher; they punished me.
I also think we need to get out of this whole standardized test thing. Children are not standard. They learn and express their knowledge differently, and these tests don't take that into consideration. My mom spends most of her time teaching her children how to pass the damn state tests versus teaching them what third graders need to know. I didn't have these stupid tests and I did pretty damn well. Some children are like my mom. My mom is extremely intelligent, but she is horrible at taking standardized tests. She said she would get very nervous and anxious, and not do as well as she could. The administration isn't taking into account that some of these children may just be bad at taking standardized tests. I say, take the emphasis off tests and emphasize learning. I understand you have to assess how well a school is doing, but shouldn't a student's grades be enough?
Also, schools don't have enough resources. I was very lucky to have been able to go to John Carroll where I had many resources available. But not all students are that lucky. Also, teachers don't get paid enough. There are some great people out there who may be wonderful teachers, but choose not to be because the pay is so poor. (It's crazy that we pay teachers, police officers, nurses, and firefighters less than we pay athletes and actors. I think that is ridiculous. I watch Nurse Jackie and Jackie said something very interesting during one of the episodes. She said that the doctors are there to diagnose; the nurses are there to take care of the patients.)
I think that elementary school should be like middle and high school. My mom is expected to teach social studies, science, reading, spelling, and math. I think that is insane. The reason college and high school structures work is because the teachers are experts in their field. So why not have one teacher teach social studies, one reading and spelling, one math, and one science. An expert in a field would perhaps be better at communicating the information related to that field. When you get a Ph.D, you have to take an oral exam so on some level, you have to know how to communicate the information. Now, not all college professors are great, but they do know what the hell they are talking about.
Lastly, my mom spends too much of her time disciplining in her classroom. We underestimate these children. They may not be extremely book smart, but their street smarts are incredible. They are too smart for their own good. How they act in school is simply a reflection of how they act at home, and children are no longer afraid of their parents or teachers. They are no longer afraid of punishment. I was terrified to do something bad because I knew my mom and dad would be upset, and I would be punished. These children know neither their parents or teachers can do anything to them in terms of discipline. If a teacher even yells too loud, the student can go complain and that teacher could get reprimanded. These parents know their children can call the police and call their discipline, abuse. The children know no one can touch them. So they act a fool in school. I say bring back corporal punishment. I know the ACLU would have a fit at that statement, but something needs to be done. These children have no incentive to behave, so let not getting their butt kicked be an incentive.
I'd also like the Obama administration to be careful in how much they get involved in the classroom. My mom is frustrated by the amount of politics she has to deal with on a daily basis. It simply interferes with her teaching. I do not want my mom to become even more distracted by ridiculous tests and standards that keep her from actually teaching.
Education Reform is very important to me but reform has to be approached from all angles. There has to be more parental involvement and students need to be held responsible for their behavior. Teachers need to be allowed to discipline, and so do parents. Making teachers take three science and math classes is not going to improve the system. And putting special needs children in the same class as children who learn "normally" doesn't help either. Just like our children need to have a well-rounded education, reform also needs to be well-rounded.
A Breaking Point
There are things in your life that you know you should change, but are either unwilling or too lazy to change. I am guilty of that and last week I reached my breaking point.
I am a type 1 Diabetic and my weight is very important in terms of maintaining my diabetes. Now, because it is type one, and weight is usually not a factor in type one, but losing weight would keep me healthier for longer. And make my disease easier to manage.
Honestly, I hadn't realize how much I had allowed my weight to get out of control. And I have tried losing weight. The last time left me a little discouraged. For four weeks, I worked out six days a week, and I ate well. And most of those days, I worked out for over an hour. After a month of trying harder than I ever had before, I had only lost five pounds. I simply gave up and just tried to come to terms with maybe this is the weight that I'm supposed to be.
About a year and a half before that, I lost ten pounds in one month due to a medication prescribed to me by my endocrinologist. It was a medication called Symlin. It helped me lose weight because it slowed the emptying of my stomach when I ate which reduced how much I ate. And it also reduced the amount of insulin I needed which also helped me lose weight. (Insulin, ironically, can make you gain weight.) Unfortunately, I lost my insurance and couldn't keep up with it.
My breaking point was when I went to put on a skirt. (For women, I think it is probably when a favorite piece of clothing doesn't fit when we get fed up.) I loved this skirt; it is a pink skirt. And so cute! Anyway, a year and a half ago, it was too big. And when I went to put it on last week, it was too small; I couldn't even button it. *sigh* That was when I decided that I was done being this weight and I was going to lose weight.
This time, I'm approaching it in a simple manner. I believe it is the perfect method, a method I hadn't thought of before. Are you ready? I have discovered the key to weight loss! Eat less...and exercise. That's it. Before I tried counting calories and creating diet plans, and now, I'm just going to eat less and exercise. I'm just going to take it one day at a time and not put so much pressure on myself to be a certain size. (I don't really care about weight. I care about how I look in my clothes.)
I think that if I stop over-thinking the process, I will succeed. Wish me luck! As of today, I have worked out and had subway for lunch. I'm starting on the right track; I'm going to stay on it.
I am a type 1 Diabetic and my weight is very important in terms of maintaining my diabetes. Now, because it is type one, and weight is usually not a factor in type one, but losing weight would keep me healthier for longer. And make my disease easier to manage.
Honestly, I hadn't realize how much I had allowed my weight to get out of control. And I have tried losing weight. The last time left me a little discouraged. For four weeks, I worked out six days a week, and I ate well. And most of those days, I worked out for over an hour. After a month of trying harder than I ever had before, I had only lost five pounds. I simply gave up and just tried to come to terms with maybe this is the weight that I'm supposed to be.
About a year and a half before that, I lost ten pounds in one month due to a medication prescribed to me by my endocrinologist. It was a medication called Symlin. It helped me lose weight because it slowed the emptying of my stomach when I ate which reduced how much I ate. And it also reduced the amount of insulin I needed which also helped me lose weight. (Insulin, ironically, can make you gain weight.) Unfortunately, I lost my insurance and couldn't keep up with it.
My breaking point was when I went to put on a skirt. (For women, I think it is probably when a favorite piece of clothing doesn't fit when we get fed up.) I loved this skirt; it is a pink skirt. And so cute! Anyway, a year and a half ago, it was too big. And when I went to put it on last week, it was too small; I couldn't even button it. *sigh* That was when I decided that I was done being this weight and I was going to lose weight.
This time, I'm approaching it in a simple manner. I believe it is the perfect method, a method I hadn't thought of before. Are you ready? I have discovered the key to weight loss! Eat less...and exercise. That's it. Before I tried counting calories and creating diet plans, and now, I'm just going to eat less and exercise. I'm just going to take it one day at a time and not put so much pressure on myself to be a certain size. (I don't really care about weight. I care about how I look in my clothes.)
I think that if I stop over-thinking the process, I will succeed. Wish me luck! As of today, I have worked out and had subway for lunch. I'm starting on the right track; I'm going to stay on it.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Why do we...
1. Ask questions we don't want the answer to?
2. Expect things of other people we don't expect out of ourselves?
3. Let things we can't control affect our lives in a negative way?
4. Feel bad when we put ourselves first?
5. Compromise when we shouldn't and remain stubborn when we should compromise?
6. Text instead of actually speaking to a person?
7. Like reality television so much?
8. Say we are fine when we want to cry?
9. Accept things the way they are when they can be changed?
10. Think tears are a sign of weakness?
11. Apologize too much?
12. Respect people who don't respect us?
13. Keep re-electing incompetent government officials?
14. Prefer to stand by principle rather than compromise to actually get something done?
15. Refuse to use the power we have?
16. Prefer to complain rather than compliment?
17. Tolerate instead of accept?
18. Settle for yogurt when we want ice-cream?
19. Get married too young?
20. Allow ourselves to be ruled by anxiety?
21. Want to grow up so fast?
22. Like to fight and argue?
23. Let financial issues drive us crazy?
24. Pretend?
25. Keep asking questions instead of trying to find answers?
2. Expect things of other people we don't expect out of ourselves?
3. Let things we can't control affect our lives in a negative way?
4. Feel bad when we put ourselves first?
5. Compromise when we shouldn't and remain stubborn when we should compromise?
6. Text instead of actually speaking to a person?
7. Like reality television so much?
8. Say we are fine when we want to cry?
9. Accept things the way they are when they can be changed?
10. Think tears are a sign of weakness?
11. Apologize too much?
12. Respect people who don't respect us?
13. Keep re-electing incompetent government officials?
14. Prefer to stand by principle rather than compromise to actually get something done?
15. Refuse to use the power we have?
16. Prefer to complain rather than compliment?
17. Tolerate instead of accept?
18. Settle for yogurt when we want ice-cream?
19. Get married too young?
20. Allow ourselves to be ruled by anxiety?
21. Want to grow up so fast?
22. Like to fight and argue?
23. Let financial issues drive us crazy?
24. Pretend?
25. Keep asking questions instead of trying to find answers?
The Caucasian Persuasion
I have always been open to dating anyone of any race. It is impossible to be color blind, but it can be ignored. And I have been great at ignoring it, especially considering my best friend is white. Well now I'm dating a white guy and I'm finding it awesome.
It could just be the men I'm dating, but all of the black men I've dated have had one thing in common, a very important thing. They have all been commitment phobic. Now, I'm not saying all black men are that way, but a lot of the ones I encounter do not want commitment. Ever since Usher did that song Lovers and Friends, that has become almost every black man's dream. I don't know how many times I've heard a black man say, "I'm not looking for anything serious, but I'd like to hang out." That's code for "I want to have sex and not commit."
The main problem is that all of the black men who are looking for commitment are taken, which leaves nothing for us single gals. So I decided to take the chance and date someone outside of my race.
I've never been treated so well and adored so much. He treats me like a lady and makes me feel special. I know every guy of every race is capable of that, but this is the first guy to make me feel this way, and he just happens to be white. He is also the first man to tell me he loves me and I actually believe it. :)
(By the way, I finally met his dad, step-mom, and his aunt Polly and I think they are very cool. Getting along with the family is a plus. I was so nervous and had nothing to be nervous about.)
I have always been someone who cared too much about what others think, and dating him has forced me not to care. Honestly, I haven't noticed any strange looks from strangers, but now I don't give a shit and it is awesome.
I'm not saying that black women should just give up on black men; there are some good ones out there. I'm just saying that black women should explore all of their options. I did and I found an awesome man who has been the best boyfriend. I found someone my family and friends like and treats me like I didn't know I deserved. I am happier than I have been in a long time.
The key is to not limit yourself, no matter who you are or what race you are. It's not good for anyone to limit their own possibilities. You never know who may be perfect for you and you miss the chance because of a superficial restraint you set for yourself.
It could just be the men I'm dating, but all of the black men I've dated have had one thing in common, a very important thing. They have all been commitment phobic. Now, I'm not saying all black men are that way, but a lot of the ones I encounter do not want commitment. Ever since Usher did that song Lovers and Friends, that has become almost every black man's dream. I don't know how many times I've heard a black man say, "I'm not looking for anything serious, but I'd like to hang out." That's code for "I want to have sex and not commit."
The main problem is that all of the black men who are looking for commitment are taken, which leaves nothing for us single gals. So I decided to take the chance and date someone outside of my race.
I've never been treated so well and adored so much. He treats me like a lady and makes me feel special. I know every guy of every race is capable of that, but this is the first guy to make me feel this way, and he just happens to be white. He is also the first man to tell me he loves me and I actually believe it. :)
(By the way, I finally met his dad, step-mom, and his aunt Polly and I think they are very cool. Getting along with the family is a plus. I was so nervous and had nothing to be nervous about.)
I have always been someone who cared too much about what others think, and dating him has forced me not to care. Honestly, I haven't noticed any strange looks from strangers, but now I don't give a shit and it is awesome.
I'm not saying that black women should just give up on black men; there are some good ones out there. I'm just saying that black women should explore all of their options. I did and I found an awesome man who has been the best boyfriend. I found someone my family and friends like and treats me like I didn't know I deserved. I am happier than I have been in a long time.
The key is to not limit yourself, no matter who you are or what race you are. It's not good for anyone to limit their own possibilities. You never know who may be perfect for you and you miss the chance because of a superficial restraint you set for yourself.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Pest Control
When I think of pests, I usually think of roaches, rats, or mosquitoes. The Japanese government in the documentary The Cove called the slaughtering of dolphins pest control.
I have never had the privilege of swimming with dolphins, and after watching this documentary, I no longer have the urge to go to Sea World and play with the dolphins considering what the fisherman do to get them. I was horrified. Not just by the fact that they basically scare these dolphins into this lagoon to trap them, but the ones that dolphin trainers don't want, they brutally kill. Some of the scenes in the movie were just too horrid to even look at. I actually cried.
The Japanese government also decided to sell dolphin meat, which has toxic levels of mercury. They even decided to provide it in school lunches. So they kill intelligent beautiful animals that have been adored for saving people's lives and then sell the toxic meat to their people. I thought governments were supposed to protect people from harm.
Dolphins look like they have a permanent smile, but the leader of the movement to save them said that it was just a facade. Dolphins actually have a consciousness, and are aware of what is going on. They know they are in captivity and can actually become depressed. Dolphins cannot thrive in captivity. I learned that Dolphins have to actually make a conscious effort to breathe, unlike humans for which it is automatic. Ric, the trainer for Flipper, said that he believes Katy, the Dolphin's real name, committed suicide because she was so unhappy. She swam in his arms, looked in his eyes, took a breath and didn't take anymore. I thought that was awful and it broke my heart.
When they are being slaughtered, they know what is going on. Which is probably why they kill the dolphins trainers don't want; the government doesn't want them communicating with other dolphins not to go in the area where they can be easily caught.
I wish I could do more than just go to their website and sign a petition, but at least I feel like I am doing something. The interesting thing is that the Japanese people had no idea this was going on. They had no idea that poisonous Dolphin meat was being packaged and sold to them as whale meat. And the Japanese government is doing whatever they can to get the IWC to release the restrictions they already have on whale fishing.
I believe that people need to understand that we are all connected. Every living thing on this earth is connected in some way and the demise of a species, no matter how small it is, will lead to our demise. We may have "dominion" over plants and animals, but that doesn't mean we can do whatever we want. Why don't people realize that when our resources are depleted, our species will no longer exist. When you get a pet, in order for it to survive and thrive, you have to take care of it. Well we have to learn to look at the earth in a similar way. In order for the earth to continue to exist, we have to take care of it. We must remember, we are dependent on the earth, not the other way around. The earth can go on without us, but we cannot survive without it. The earth will continue to take care of us if we take care of it. And taking care of the earth includes animals.
This movie also made me think about consumption. One of the arguments the Japanese government made was that the dolphins were eating too many of the fish and depleting their resources. These are species of fish that were already depleting due to humans. We consume way too much. Despite the fact that they were using that argument to defend killing dolphins, it does bring up a good point. We consume more food than we actually need. Greed is going to destroy us; glutton is going to do the same. By showing respect for this planet, we are ultimately showing respect for ourselves.
I have never had the privilege of swimming with dolphins, and after watching this documentary, I no longer have the urge to go to Sea World and play with the dolphins considering what the fisherman do to get them. I was horrified. Not just by the fact that they basically scare these dolphins into this lagoon to trap them, but the ones that dolphin trainers don't want, they brutally kill. Some of the scenes in the movie were just too horrid to even look at. I actually cried.
The Japanese government also decided to sell dolphin meat, which has toxic levels of mercury. They even decided to provide it in school lunches. So they kill intelligent beautiful animals that have been adored for saving people's lives and then sell the toxic meat to their people. I thought governments were supposed to protect people from harm.
Dolphins look like they have a permanent smile, but the leader of the movement to save them said that it was just a facade. Dolphins actually have a consciousness, and are aware of what is going on. They know they are in captivity and can actually become depressed. Dolphins cannot thrive in captivity. I learned that Dolphins have to actually make a conscious effort to breathe, unlike humans for which it is automatic. Ric, the trainer for Flipper, said that he believes Katy, the Dolphin's real name, committed suicide because she was so unhappy. She swam in his arms, looked in his eyes, took a breath and didn't take anymore. I thought that was awful and it broke my heart.
When they are being slaughtered, they know what is going on. Which is probably why they kill the dolphins trainers don't want; the government doesn't want them communicating with other dolphins not to go in the area where they can be easily caught.
I wish I could do more than just go to their website and sign a petition, but at least I feel like I am doing something. The interesting thing is that the Japanese people had no idea this was going on. They had no idea that poisonous Dolphin meat was being packaged and sold to them as whale meat. And the Japanese government is doing whatever they can to get the IWC to release the restrictions they already have on whale fishing.
I believe that people need to understand that we are all connected. Every living thing on this earth is connected in some way and the demise of a species, no matter how small it is, will lead to our demise. We may have "dominion" over plants and animals, but that doesn't mean we can do whatever we want. Why don't people realize that when our resources are depleted, our species will no longer exist. When you get a pet, in order for it to survive and thrive, you have to take care of it. Well we have to learn to look at the earth in a similar way. In order for the earth to continue to exist, we have to take care of it. We must remember, we are dependent on the earth, not the other way around. The earth can go on without us, but we cannot survive without it. The earth will continue to take care of us if we take care of it. And taking care of the earth includes animals.
This movie also made me think about consumption. One of the arguments the Japanese government made was that the dolphins were eating too many of the fish and depleting their resources. These are species of fish that were already depleting due to humans. We consume way too much. Despite the fact that they were using that argument to defend killing dolphins, it does bring up a good point. We consume more food than we actually need. Greed is going to destroy us; glutton is going to do the same. By showing respect for this planet, we are ultimately showing respect for ourselves.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Where Are The Wild Things
What makes us civilized? Is it our ability to obey laws and rules? Is it our want and need to live in a world where people peacefully coexist? Is it our will to fight for civility? Is it just because we are human?
Two days ago I watched "Where The Wild Things Are" and I loved it. I read that book everyday when I was little. (Yes I'm aware it only has like 50 words). I was impressed that Spike Jonze could take basically a picture book and transform it into such an imaginative and poignant film. I truly believe he made the movie for those of us who grew up with the book.
The thing that affected me the most was the fact that Max, the human, was less civil and mature than these things categorized as wild animals. It was interesting that the "monsters" sought civility and law and welcomed Max as their King. They were happy to have someone advise them on the best way to live their lives, and they were open to his suggestions. Unfortunately because he was a child, some of his suggestions didn't have positive outcomes, but they listened and thanked him.
I think it is awesome when a something appears to be a simple scene, yet has a profound meaning. For instance, there is a scene where Max and Carol, his best wild friend, are walking and a dog walks by. This dog is a normal size dog, but on that island, it is huge. Max believes he has gone to this world with these big monsters, but he hasn't. Compared to everything else, they are just a small part of the world. It made me think that if the Wild Things were taken out of their world and put into Max's, if they would be miniature size.
The movie also makes some important statements about life. Carol and Max wanted to build a fort where only what they wanted to happen actually happened. They realized by the end of the movie that it was impossible. Bad things are going to happen and there is nothing anyone can do to stop them. The best thing is to learn to deal with those bad things. In the beginning, the wild things asked Max if he could stop the loneliness and sadness. Max said that as their king, he would protect them from those things. And obviously he couldn't; he was incapable of keeping the sadness away. None of us are capable of keeping the sadness away.
Sometimes it's hard for us to realize flaws within ourselves and it took Max seeing his own flaws in someone else before he realized that he acted like a brat with his mother. It took him seeing his selfishness in someone else before he identified with his own self-serving and spoiled attitude. When he saw himself reflected in Carol, he was ready to go home and be a better son.
And I totally teared up at the end. When KW, probably the coolest wild thing in my opinion, said to Max before he left to go home "Please don't go. I'll eat you up. I love you so." Now, at first hearing that, someone may think that line odd. But KW "ate" max to hide him from Carol who was throwing a temper tantrum and said he wanted to eat Max because Max did something to upset him. So this action, eating someone, that we would normally perceive as violent, became something beautiful, loving, and protecting. KW was telling Max that she would protect him from the bad things; she was being like a mother.
There are a lot of great things, in my opinion, about this movie. It's hard to say whether a movie based on 50 words stayed true to the book, but I believe it stayed true to it's essence. It showed that only when we are mature, can we hear wisdom. It showed that we are a small part of a much larger universe. It showed that life is messy and things will not always go the way we want. It showed that being an animal doesn't make you wild; acting like one does. And humans are capable of acting like animals.
When Max came to the island, the wild things accepted his advice and followed him. They had questions, but ultimately they believed that his way would be better than the way they were living. In the end, they were wrong. The way they lived was suitable for them, and they learned to trust what they believed was right for them and their community.
There was a lot of emphasis on the inevitability of change and the need to accept and welcome it. Change is a part of life, and it is important to learn to adapt instead of fighting against it.
I thought the movie was amazing, despite others' opinions. My judgment could be swayed by my attachment to the book, but I believe it has it's merits. A supposedly civilized human may have come to an island full of monsters, but the monsters weren't the wild things. Max was the wild one.
(A little side story. I work at Blockbuster and I hear some crazy things. Two guys came in one day to rent this movie and they were talking about how they were excited to see it and started talking about Spike Jonze. Before they left, they said it was crazy how he went from making Jungle Fever to Where The Wild Things Are. Now, I didn't say anything, but trust me, when they left, I laughed. I mean, Spike Lee did Jungle Fever not Spike Jonze. I thought it was hilarious.)
Two days ago I watched "Where The Wild Things Are" and I loved it. I read that book everyday when I was little. (Yes I'm aware it only has like 50 words). I was impressed that Spike Jonze could take basically a picture book and transform it into such an imaginative and poignant film. I truly believe he made the movie for those of us who grew up with the book.
The thing that affected me the most was the fact that Max, the human, was less civil and mature than these things categorized as wild animals. It was interesting that the "monsters" sought civility and law and welcomed Max as their King. They were happy to have someone advise them on the best way to live their lives, and they were open to his suggestions. Unfortunately because he was a child, some of his suggestions didn't have positive outcomes, but they listened and thanked him.
I think it is awesome when a something appears to be a simple scene, yet has a profound meaning. For instance, there is a scene where Max and Carol, his best wild friend, are walking and a dog walks by. This dog is a normal size dog, but on that island, it is huge. Max believes he has gone to this world with these big monsters, but he hasn't. Compared to everything else, they are just a small part of the world. It made me think that if the Wild Things were taken out of their world and put into Max's, if they would be miniature size.
The movie also makes some important statements about life. Carol and Max wanted to build a fort where only what they wanted to happen actually happened. They realized by the end of the movie that it was impossible. Bad things are going to happen and there is nothing anyone can do to stop them. The best thing is to learn to deal with those bad things. In the beginning, the wild things asked Max if he could stop the loneliness and sadness. Max said that as their king, he would protect them from those things. And obviously he couldn't; he was incapable of keeping the sadness away. None of us are capable of keeping the sadness away.
Sometimes it's hard for us to realize flaws within ourselves and it took Max seeing his own flaws in someone else before he realized that he acted like a brat with his mother. It took him seeing his selfishness in someone else before he identified with his own self-serving and spoiled attitude. When he saw himself reflected in Carol, he was ready to go home and be a better son.
And I totally teared up at the end. When KW, probably the coolest wild thing in my opinion, said to Max before he left to go home "Please don't go. I'll eat you up. I love you so." Now, at first hearing that, someone may think that line odd. But KW "ate" max to hide him from Carol who was throwing a temper tantrum and said he wanted to eat Max because Max did something to upset him. So this action, eating someone, that we would normally perceive as violent, became something beautiful, loving, and protecting. KW was telling Max that she would protect him from the bad things; she was being like a mother.
There are a lot of great things, in my opinion, about this movie. It's hard to say whether a movie based on 50 words stayed true to the book, but I believe it stayed true to it's essence. It showed that only when we are mature, can we hear wisdom. It showed that we are a small part of a much larger universe. It showed that life is messy and things will not always go the way we want. It showed that being an animal doesn't make you wild; acting like one does. And humans are capable of acting like animals.
When Max came to the island, the wild things accepted his advice and followed him. They had questions, but ultimately they believed that his way would be better than the way they were living. In the end, they were wrong. The way they lived was suitable for them, and they learned to trust what they believed was right for them and their community.
There was a lot of emphasis on the inevitability of change and the need to accept and welcome it. Change is a part of life, and it is important to learn to adapt instead of fighting against it.
I thought the movie was amazing, despite others' opinions. My judgment could be swayed by my attachment to the book, but I believe it has it's merits. A supposedly civilized human may have come to an island full of monsters, but the monsters weren't the wild things. Max was the wild one.
(A little side story. I work at Blockbuster and I hear some crazy things. Two guys came in one day to rent this movie and they were talking about how they were excited to see it and started talking about Spike Jonze. Before they left, they said it was crazy how he went from making Jungle Fever to Where The Wild Things Are. Now, I didn't say anything, but trust me, when they left, I laughed. I mean, Spike Lee did Jungle Fever not Spike Jonze. I thought it was hilarious.)
Sunday, March 21, 2010
"A Serious Man" Is Some Serious Shit
Last night I watched the movie A Serious Man and I thought it was amazing. It really made me think and I love movies that force me to rethink my life and rethink how I approach it.
I really don't want to give too much of the plot away because I want people to watch it. But a lot of bad things happen to Larry the main male character, and he can't seem to catch a break. And one of the interesting things was that the more he sought answers to his question of "why" things were happening to him, the more questions he had. He never found the answer. Why didn't he ever get an answer? Because the answer was too simple for him to realize. Bad things happen because they just do. No matter who you are or what you expect, bad things will happen and there is no way to avoid them.
The best way to expend your energy is not in trying to figure out why bad things happen, but learning how to deal with them. Frustration, stress, and anxiety are counterproductive. And those feelings only make you more open to negative experiences. The most productive thing is to cope with the bad things and move forward. It is all about perception. Things aren't naturally good or bad; we only perceive things as good or bad. I know it totally sounds like an after school special to tell you to use your bad experiences as an opportunity to change but we all should.
We can't keep bad things from happening and it's a waste of our life's energy to try to do that. I believe the Serenity Prayer asks God to help us accept the things we cannot change, change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference. It is a waste of energy and time to attempt to control the things we can't, like the ways of the universe, so we should focus on improving the things we can, like ourselves.
Also, we should have more faith in ourselves. Larry kept seeking answers from others and never found them. Perhaps if he had just took a moment and listened to his own mind, heart, and soul, he would have found answers. We have answers to our own problems but we don't trust ourselves; we don't trust the wisdom and knowledge we have concerning what we need and what is best for us. We allow other people to convince us of what we want and need and don't truly know beyond society's projections. We need to figure it out.
In the movie, Larry had this horribly obnoxious annoying son that was just a pain in the ass. The son would call Larry at work under the guise that it's an emergency, complaining that he couldn't get a certain channel on the television. He went to his own Bah Mitzvah high. Finally at the end he realized what an obnoxious child he was being. At the end, Larry's life was beginning to change and something positive finally happened. As soon as he was beginning to feel some sense of happiness and calm in his life, something destructive became imminent....something bad they couldn't affect. By the time they learned what life was really about, it was too late. We shouldn't do that. We shouldn't waste any time looking outside of ourselves for answers that reside in our own beings.
Despite the slow pace, the movie was extremely insightful. There was one quote that hit me. One character said, "Only I know my own action." On the surface that seems trivial, but at further analysis, it is beautifully complex. How many times do we assume the intentions of others based on their actions? How many times to do we assume a certain behavior is for a specific goal? How many times do we presume to know the motivations for people's behaviors? (I mean, there are professions where people make money claiming to know such things).
We cannot control how others behave, but we can control how we react to their behavior. We can't control what people say, but we can control how much it affects us. We can't control what is brought upon us, but we can control what we bring to the lives of other people. We can't control the universe, but we can control the energy we put into it.
Don't just exist, live. Don't waste time fighting what can't be fought. Don't worry about control...spend time exerting your power. Find your power and use it to positively affect your being and others. Remember who you are beneath the labels, like sister, mother, brother, niece, manager, employee, student, girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband, father, writer, artist, nerd, dork, republican, democrat, independent, libertarian, conservative, liberal, musician, singer...whatever the label. Remove yourself from those things meant to put you in a easily manipulated box and just be free. :)
I really don't want to give too much of the plot away because I want people to watch it. But a lot of bad things happen to Larry the main male character, and he can't seem to catch a break. And one of the interesting things was that the more he sought answers to his question of "why" things were happening to him, the more questions he had. He never found the answer. Why didn't he ever get an answer? Because the answer was too simple for him to realize. Bad things happen because they just do. No matter who you are or what you expect, bad things will happen and there is no way to avoid them.
The best way to expend your energy is not in trying to figure out why bad things happen, but learning how to deal with them. Frustration, stress, and anxiety are counterproductive. And those feelings only make you more open to negative experiences. The most productive thing is to cope with the bad things and move forward. It is all about perception. Things aren't naturally good or bad; we only perceive things as good or bad. I know it totally sounds like an after school special to tell you to use your bad experiences as an opportunity to change but we all should.
We can't keep bad things from happening and it's a waste of our life's energy to try to do that. I believe the Serenity Prayer asks God to help us accept the things we cannot change, change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference. It is a waste of energy and time to attempt to control the things we can't, like the ways of the universe, so we should focus on improving the things we can, like ourselves.
Also, we should have more faith in ourselves. Larry kept seeking answers from others and never found them. Perhaps if he had just took a moment and listened to his own mind, heart, and soul, he would have found answers. We have answers to our own problems but we don't trust ourselves; we don't trust the wisdom and knowledge we have concerning what we need and what is best for us. We allow other people to convince us of what we want and need and don't truly know beyond society's projections. We need to figure it out.
In the movie, Larry had this horribly obnoxious annoying son that was just a pain in the ass. The son would call Larry at work under the guise that it's an emergency, complaining that he couldn't get a certain channel on the television. He went to his own Bah Mitzvah high. Finally at the end he realized what an obnoxious child he was being. At the end, Larry's life was beginning to change and something positive finally happened. As soon as he was beginning to feel some sense of happiness and calm in his life, something destructive became imminent....something bad they couldn't affect. By the time they learned what life was really about, it was too late. We shouldn't do that. We shouldn't waste any time looking outside of ourselves for answers that reside in our own beings.
Despite the slow pace, the movie was extremely insightful. There was one quote that hit me. One character said, "Only I know my own action." On the surface that seems trivial, but at further analysis, it is beautifully complex. How many times do we assume the intentions of others based on their actions? How many times to do we assume a certain behavior is for a specific goal? How many times do we presume to know the motivations for people's behaviors? (I mean, there are professions where people make money claiming to know such things).
We cannot control how others behave, but we can control how we react to their behavior. We can't control what people say, but we can control how much it affects us. We can't control what is brought upon us, but we can control what we bring to the lives of other people. We can't control the universe, but we can control the energy we put into it.
Don't just exist, live. Don't waste time fighting what can't be fought. Don't worry about control...spend time exerting your power. Find your power and use it to positively affect your being and others. Remember who you are beneath the labels, like sister, mother, brother, niece, manager, employee, student, girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband, father, writer, artist, nerd, dork, republican, democrat, independent, libertarian, conservative, liberal, musician, singer...whatever the label. Remove yourself from those things meant to put you in a easily manipulated box and just be free. :)
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
My Argument For Legalizing Marijuana
(This post was influenced by my new favorite television show Weeds.)
I do not smoke weed, but I believe that Marijuana should be legal. I find it ridiculous that the government can make a plant that naturally grows on this planet illegal. I understand it's what you do with it that makes it illegal, but it's like telling me I can only steam my tomatoes; I can't roast them or make them into spaghetti sauce.
Now, there have been many scientific studies saying that the effects of long term marijuana use is minimal. I mean, smoking cigarettes is much more dangerous yet those are legal. There are legal pharmaceutical drugs on the market that are more dangerous than pot and yet those are legal. You can overdose on Oxycontin; I've never heard of anyone overdosing on marijuana.
I believe the government should get out of the business of judging morality and stick to those things that really do pose a threat to people. And I'm sure the government doesn't realize the benefits to the country of legalizing marijuana.
First, most violent crime is drug related. I'm just going to make the assumption that if it is legal, the crime rate would greatly reduce. Especially in Mexico where drug cartels are killing hundreds of people in order to protect themselves. There would be no need to kill someone because they may know your involvement in a cartel if it was legal.
Secondly, marijuana sales could be taxed. The government could include it in sales tax and tax the businesses that sell it. The government is in a huge deficit and is missing out on another source of income.
Third, those who enjoy marijuana would benefit, not just because they wouldn't have to risk going to jail, but I would think the price of marijuana would go down once it became legal. So consumers would benefit from cheaper prices.
Along with that, the amount of people selling it might decrease because the amount of money a dealer could make would go down. Part of the reason dealers make so much money off of pot is because it is such a commodity. Well when you make it legal, you reduce it's value and perhaps young people would consider taking another route to make money.
Now, I have a friend who said that, despite the fact that she smokes, she doesn't believe it should be legal. She believes that people would become unmotivated and never go to work or be ambitious in their endeavors; pot makes people complacent. Well, that may be so. But you would still need money to buy pot so you would still need to work. Also, pot smokers may work harder to make more money to have more weed. And managers can still punish employees for going to work high or for having weed at work. And just because it's legal doesn't mean people are going to start smoking it who may not have otherwise. I don't know one person who doesn't have access to weed. I have access to it but I don't smoke it; my brother definitely has access to it and chooses not to.
I believe it is wrong for the government to tell you what you can or cannot do in your own home. Now, if you smoke in your house and then decide to drive, you should get in trouble. You should be arrested because your choice is now putting others in danger.
Now, in terms of other drugs, I'm not sure if I want those to be legalized. Other drugs such as cocaine, heroine, meth, and ecstasy are much more dangerous than pot. But, and I don't mean to sound insensitive and mean, but if you choose to do those drugs and possibly kill yourself, that is your choice. And neither I nor the government has the right to dictate your personal choices.
I don't truly understand the logic for making weed illegal. But I shouldn't be surprised; the government has always taken it upon itself to decide what is right or wrong morally and then make that which they deem morally reprehensible, illegal. I want the government to get the fuck out of people's houses.
So yeah, that is my argument for legalizing marijuana. I'm all for something that would reduce the amount of young black men in jail or in a cemetery. Think about it; these young men who choose to take that route could have a legitimate business that doesn't put their lives in danger everyday. Now, I'm not saying there wouldn't be any negative consequences to legalizing marijuana. Because it would no longer be a commodity, people who would normally sell weed may move on to selling dangerous drugs. Consumers may buy more dangerous drugs as a result. I'm not suggesting making it legal without thinking about all consequences, but at least consider it.
And if you aren't going to make it legal, at least decriminalize it. I find it ridiculous a drug dealer gets 25 years to life in jail because of the three strikes rule, but a rapist gets 8 years and gets out in half of that because of good behavior. We need to truly rethink our position.
I do not smoke weed, but I believe that Marijuana should be legal. I find it ridiculous that the government can make a plant that naturally grows on this planet illegal. I understand it's what you do with it that makes it illegal, but it's like telling me I can only steam my tomatoes; I can't roast them or make them into spaghetti sauce.
Now, there have been many scientific studies saying that the effects of long term marijuana use is minimal. I mean, smoking cigarettes is much more dangerous yet those are legal. There are legal pharmaceutical drugs on the market that are more dangerous than pot and yet those are legal. You can overdose on Oxycontin; I've never heard of anyone overdosing on marijuana.
I believe the government should get out of the business of judging morality and stick to those things that really do pose a threat to people. And I'm sure the government doesn't realize the benefits to the country of legalizing marijuana.
First, most violent crime is drug related. I'm just going to make the assumption that if it is legal, the crime rate would greatly reduce. Especially in Mexico where drug cartels are killing hundreds of people in order to protect themselves. There would be no need to kill someone because they may know your involvement in a cartel if it was legal.
Secondly, marijuana sales could be taxed. The government could include it in sales tax and tax the businesses that sell it. The government is in a huge deficit and is missing out on another source of income.
Third, those who enjoy marijuana would benefit, not just because they wouldn't have to risk going to jail, but I would think the price of marijuana would go down once it became legal. So consumers would benefit from cheaper prices.
Along with that, the amount of people selling it might decrease because the amount of money a dealer could make would go down. Part of the reason dealers make so much money off of pot is because it is such a commodity. Well when you make it legal, you reduce it's value and perhaps young people would consider taking another route to make money.
Now, I have a friend who said that, despite the fact that she smokes, she doesn't believe it should be legal. She believes that people would become unmotivated and never go to work or be ambitious in their endeavors; pot makes people complacent. Well, that may be so. But you would still need money to buy pot so you would still need to work. Also, pot smokers may work harder to make more money to have more weed. And managers can still punish employees for going to work high or for having weed at work. And just because it's legal doesn't mean people are going to start smoking it who may not have otherwise. I don't know one person who doesn't have access to weed. I have access to it but I don't smoke it; my brother definitely has access to it and chooses not to.
I believe it is wrong for the government to tell you what you can or cannot do in your own home. Now, if you smoke in your house and then decide to drive, you should get in trouble. You should be arrested because your choice is now putting others in danger.
Now, in terms of other drugs, I'm not sure if I want those to be legalized. Other drugs such as cocaine, heroine, meth, and ecstasy are much more dangerous than pot. But, and I don't mean to sound insensitive and mean, but if you choose to do those drugs and possibly kill yourself, that is your choice. And neither I nor the government has the right to dictate your personal choices.
I don't truly understand the logic for making weed illegal. But I shouldn't be surprised; the government has always taken it upon itself to decide what is right or wrong morally and then make that which they deem morally reprehensible, illegal. I want the government to get the fuck out of people's houses.
So yeah, that is my argument for legalizing marijuana. I'm all for something that would reduce the amount of young black men in jail or in a cemetery. Think about it; these young men who choose to take that route could have a legitimate business that doesn't put their lives in danger everyday. Now, I'm not saying there wouldn't be any negative consequences to legalizing marijuana. Because it would no longer be a commodity, people who would normally sell weed may move on to selling dangerous drugs. Consumers may buy more dangerous drugs as a result. I'm not suggesting making it legal without thinking about all consequences, but at least consider it.
And if you aren't going to make it legal, at least decriminalize it. I find it ridiculous a drug dealer gets 25 years to life in jail because of the three strikes rule, but a rapist gets 8 years and gets out in half of that because of good behavior. We need to truly rethink our position.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Michael Moore and Chris Rock
I love watching documentaries; that's one of the reasons I love Netflix. They have a shit ton of documentaries. (Isn't it funny I work for Blockbuster and I still have my Netflix.) Well in the last week I have watched two documentaries. I watched Good Hair by Chris Rock and Capitalism; A Love Story by Michael Moore. The first made me laugh and the latter made me think.
Concerning the first, Chris Rock does make some good points about black women and their hair. A lot of us do have a tendency to spend a lot of time and money on our hair. But he made a good point of asking black women what they consider good hair, and the overall opinion was that the straight, bouncy, Farrah Fawcett type hair is the good hair. I was wondering when wearing your hair naturally became bad? or ugly? I have to admit, I do get my hair relaxed. My hair is much easier to manage when it is relaxed. And I do like my hair straight, curly, and bouncy, but I do NOT believe that my hair is better than natural hair.
It was also insane how much money women were spending on extensions. I mean, one lady allowed her customers to put their weave on layaway. That is crazy. One celebrity said she spent about 50,000 dollars a year on her hair. THAT IS INSANE!!! I spend about 300 dollars a year on my hair. Now, if it makes you happy to spend that money and you can afford it, I say go ahead and spend it. But it bothers me when a young woman who is a teacher, and basically makes nothing, is spending thousands of dollars on extensions. I think that these women need to get their priorities straight.
Lastly, one of the funnier things was when Chris starting talking to black men. Some black men actually admitted that they will look at a woman and from her appearance, judge how much money it would take to maintain her appearance and not ask her out. Haha I just wanted to laugh when the men talked about how much money they spend on their woman's hair.
Now, on to Michael Moore. Capitalism; A Love Story was extremely good. I like Michael Moore but I am acutely aware that he is usually biased and partisan, usually only giving information that will support his point of view. I was expecting the same thing here, but it was surprisingly bipartisan and informative. He took time to expose everyone who played a part in the current economic situation. I actually learned some things I didn't know.
I like that he focused on people and gave some personal stories. I was really affected by some of the things I learned. I'm not going to give too much away because I want everyone who reads this to watch that documentary.
I know the downfalls of Capitalism; I know that it promotes a selfish mentality. I believe that the people who say that Capitalism is the best way actually mean that Capitalism is the best way for them and the best way for them to make money. The problem with the "more profit" mentality is that companies will do anything, including firing people and reducing benefits, to increase profits. I even learned that major corporations like Walmart and AT&T have taken out insurance policies on their employees so that if their employee dies, the company receives money. I think that is unethical and I don't understand why that is legal.
I believe that the richest people in our country have all of the power, and they are not using it for good. It sucks that in this country, money is power. It isn't intelligence, kindness, generosity, love, or charity. In this country, we worship money, believing that money is what will make us happy.
Honestly, I don't mind some people being wealthy and having lots of money. I have a problem with the gap between the "haves" and "have not's" growing exponentially. Even in a recession, the rich are getting richer while the poor are getting poorer. You know, I don't mind giving tax money to benefit medicare, welfare, food stamps, medicaid, and other government programs that help people. I want people to be able to survive and thrive. And this is a great country and there are millions of people who care for others and want to help, but the people who have the power and can give people opportunity don't give a shit. They don't give a shit because helping others in need won't benefit themselves.
I really enjoyed both of these documentaries because they were enlightening in different ways. Michael Moore really made me more aware of what I have and made me more grateful to have a roof over my head, a job, a car, family and friends, and I am blessed to have had some wonderful opportunities in my life. I believe anything that not only opens your eyes to some of the things going on in this world, but also makes you appreciate what you have is wonderful. GO WATCH THEM!!!
Concerning the first, Chris Rock does make some good points about black women and their hair. A lot of us do have a tendency to spend a lot of time and money on our hair. But he made a good point of asking black women what they consider good hair, and the overall opinion was that the straight, bouncy, Farrah Fawcett type hair is the good hair. I was wondering when wearing your hair naturally became bad? or ugly? I have to admit, I do get my hair relaxed. My hair is much easier to manage when it is relaxed. And I do like my hair straight, curly, and bouncy, but I do NOT believe that my hair is better than natural hair.
It was also insane how much money women were spending on extensions. I mean, one lady allowed her customers to put their weave on layaway. That is crazy. One celebrity said she spent about 50,000 dollars a year on her hair. THAT IS INSANE!!! I spend about 300 dollars a year on my hair. Now, if it makes you happy to spend that money and you can afford it, I say go ahead and spend it. But it bothers me when a young woman who is a teacher, and basically makes nothing, is spending thousands of dollars on extensions. I think that these women need to get their priorities straight.
Lastly, one of the funnier things was when Chris starting talking to black men. Some black men actually admitted that they will look at a woman and from her appearance, judge how much money it would take to maintain her appearance and not ask her out. Haha I just wanted to laugh when the men talked about how much money they spend on their woman's hair.
Now, on to Michael Moore. Capitalism; A Love Story was extremely good. I like Michael Moore but I am acutely aware that he is usually biased and partisan, usually only giving information that will support his point of view. I was expecting the same thing here, but it was surprisingly bipartisan and informative. He took time to expose everyone who played a part in the current economic situation. I actually learned some things I didn't know.
I like that he focused on people and gave some personal stories. I was really affected by some of the things I learned. I'm not going to give too much away because I want everyone who reads this to watch that documentary.
I know the downfalls of Capitalism; I know that it promotes a selfish mentality. I believe that the people who say that Capitalism is the best way actually mean that Capitalism is the best way for them and the best way for them to make money. The problem with the "more profit" mentality is that companies will do anything, including firing people and reducing benefits, to increase profits. I even learned that major corporations like Walmart and AT&T have taken out insurance policies on their employees so that if their employee dies, the company receives money. I think that is unethical and I don't understand why that is legal.
I believe that the richest people in our country have all of the power, and they are not using it for good. It sucks that in this country, money is power. It isn't intelligence, kindness, generosity, love, or charity. In this country, we worship money, believing that money is what will make us happy.
Honestly, I don't mind some people being wealthy and having lots of money. I have a problem with the gap between the "haves" and "have not's" growing exponentially. Even in a recession, the rich are getting richer while the poor are getting poorer. You know, I don't mind giving tax money to benefit medicare, welfare, food stamps, medicaid, and other government programs that help people. I want people to be able to survive and thrive. And this is a great country and there are millions of people who care for others and want to help, but the people who have the power and can give people opportunity don't give a shit. They don't give a shit because helping others in need won't benefit themselves.
I really enjoyed both of these documentaries because they were enlightening in different ways. Michael Moore really made me more aware of what I have and made me more grateful to have a roof over my head, a job, a car, family and friends, and I am blessed to have had some wonderful opportunities in my life. I believe anything that not only opens your eyes to some of the things going on in this world, but also makes you appreciate what you have is wonderful. GO WATCH THEM!!!
Friday, March 5, 2010
I Am Not...Afraid Of Rejection
Currently I am working on a novel and it's exciting that I'm halfway done. Five months ago I was fired from a terrible job. A week after losing my job, my dad gave me a laptop. I believe that was the universe telling me that now was the time to start. There was no need to wait. (I really didn't know why I was waiting in the first place.)
So I began the endeavor of finishing my first novel and eventually having a published work. Well...the money I had could only last me so long and eventually I could no longer focus on writing and finding a job became my first priority. I was so worried about not finding anything, I was too distracted to write.
Well, I found a job. Then I realized that I needed to work on completing my Graduate School application and again, writing my novel went to the wayside. I was still writing, but not nearly as much as before. I began writing in the middle of October and by the middle of December, I had completed half of the novel, or at least what I think is the halfway point.
Now, I have completed everything for Graduate School and it would appear I have no more distractions. I will admit, I got a new boyfriend in November and he became a distraction too. But now, I shouldn't have anything keeping me from finishing my novel. And I've come up with many excuses. When I began the novel, I would go to the Botanical Gardens three or four times a week and write there. I would also go to Barnes and Noble. I loved writing outside and for some reason, leaving the house made it easier for me to focus on my goal. If it makes any sense, I left the house for the sole reason of working on my novel so mentally it was easier for me to focus. It would be stupid to leave the house for a reason and not follow through; it would have been a waste of time.
Anyway, I digress. Besides being more distracted at home, other excuses were being too tired to write or being distracted by life's obligations. I would never force myself to write; I felt if I forced it, my writing wouldn't be as good. (I still stand by that last one. I know myself and I know that to be true.)
Today, however, I had a revelation. The previous excuses were true, but the main reason I haven't finished is my fear of rejection. I want to get published and there is a 100% probability that my manuscript will get rejected by publishers. And that is creating anxiety. People are going to read my writing, something I hold very dear to me and something I believe very personal, and tell me it's crap, it's semi-crap, it's okay, it's good, or it's worth publishing. Editors are going to tear my words apart, and it's a necessary part of the process to having my book on a shelf in Books A Million.
Somehow I have connected being published i.e. being validated, as defining me as a writer. It just needs to sink in that I am a writer and 15 rejections doesn't make me any less of one. I wish I didn't care so much what other people thought and could be happy just knowing it was finished, but I do care. I do want people to like it and I do want people to enjoy the words that I have carefully crafted together.
I remember sitting in the Botanical Gardens one day unable to focus. See, I am addicted to NPR and that day, a critic happened to be talking about his opinion of a new novel. He tore that book to shreds! It freaked me out and hindered my own creative process. I was blocked by my own fear; I had to call my younger brother for a pep talk.
This fear has been keeping me from doing something I have wanted to do. I can't let that continue. Everyone is afraid of something, but when that fear takes over and dictates your actions, that's when it becomes a problem.
I need to have more faith in myself and in my abilities as a writer. I may not be the next Toni Morrison or Phillip Roth, but I am a good writer. As long as I recognize and know that, I do not need the approval or validation of an editor, publisher, or anyone else. I can now focus on just doing something I love.
So I began the endeavor of finishing my first novel and eventually having a published work. Well...the money I had could only last me so long and eventually I could no longer focus on writing and finding a job became my first priority. I was so worried about not finding anything, I was too distracted to write.
Well, I found a job. Then I realized that I needed to work on completing my Graduate School application and again, writing my novel went to the wayside. I was still writing, but not nearly as much as before. I began writing in the middle of October and by the middle of December, I had completed half of the novel, or at least what I think is the halfway point.
Now, I have completed everything for Graduate School and it would appear I have no more distractions. I will admit, I got a new boyfriend in November and he became a distraction too. But now, I shouldn't have anything keeping me from finishing my novel. And I've come up with many excuses. When I began the novel, I would go to the Botanical Gardens three or four times a week and write there. I would also go to Barnes and Noble. I loved writing outside and for some reason, leaving the house made it easier for me to focus on my goal. If it makes any sense, I left the house for the sole reason of working on my novel so mentally it was easier for me to focus. It would be stupid to leave the house for a reason and not follow through; it would have been a waste of time.
Anyway, I digress. Besides being more distracted at home, other excuses were being too tired to write or being distracted by life's obligations. I would never force myself to write; I felt if I forced it, my writing wouldn't be as good. (I still stand by that last one. I know myself and I know that to be true.)
Today, however, I had a revelation. The previous excuses were true, but the main reason I haven't finished is my fear of rejection. I want to get published and there is a 100% probability that my manuscript will get rejected by publishers. And that is creating anxiety. People are going to read my writing, something I hold very dear to me and something I believe very personal, and tell me it's crap, it's semi-crap, it's okay, it's good, or it's worth publishing. Editors are going to tear my words apart, and it's a necessary part of the process to having my book on a shelf in Books A Million.
Somehow I have connected being published i.e. being validated, as defining me as a writer. It just needs to sink in that I am a writer and 15 rejections doesn't make me any less of one. I wish I didn't care so much what other people thought and could be happy just knowing it was finished, but I do care. I do want people to like it and I do want people to enjoy the words that I have carefully crafted together.
I remember sitting in the Botanical Gardens one day unable to focus. See, I am addicted to NPR and that day, a critic happened to be talking about his opinion of a new novel. He tore that book to shreds! It freaked me out and hindered my own creative process. I was blocked by my own fear; I had to call my younger brother for a pep talk.
This fear has been keeping me from doing something I have wanted to do. I can't let that continue. Everyone is afraid of something, but when that fear takes over and dictates your actions, that's when it becomes a problem.
I need to have more faith in myself and in my abilities as a writer. I may not be the next Toni Morrison or Phillip Roth, but I am a good writer. As long as I recognize and know that, I do not need the approval or validation of an editor, publisher, or anyone else. I can now focus on just doing something I love.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
What Do Women Want? (And an addendum)
Addendum to Healthcare Legislation: I am so tired of the hypocrisy of Republicans. First, they are insisting on being fiscally conservative but they weren't being fiscally conservative when they approved a war that cost on average 10 billion dollars a month and is part of the reason this country has such a tremendous deficit. They are also upset that Obama is calling for the Senate to use Reconciliation to get the legislation passed with a simple majority versus the usual filibuster. Well George W. used it to pass tax cuts to the wealthiest one percent of this country and they didn't have a problem with it then. One republican congressman says he disagrees with it this time because it has never been used to pass something on such a large scale and something that is 1/7 of the economy. Well, aren't taxes the basis of the economy and the sole source of government funds? I am so tired of them talking and talking and not doing anything. I am glad Obama is taking control, telling the republicans FUCK YOU, and doing what is best for us.
Now, on to what women want. Men have been trying to figure out since the beginning of time what women want. The problem however is that we don't really know what we want and I ask that men be a little patient.
It is difficult living in this world as a woman having conflicting ideas thrown at me about the type of woman I should be. On one hand I am told that I should be independent, self-sufficient, and not need or want a man. Needing or wanting a man is somehow anti-feminist. On the other hand, all of these images of weddings and marriages are also being thrown at me. I'm told that I should want to get married and be a mother, and without doing those things, I am not a real woman. So I shouldn't need a man but I should get married and ultimately need and want a man. It's a contradiction that women struggle with their entire lives.
We have to decipher what we truly want from what society thinks we should want and what we think we want. It's not an easy thing to do.
I believe feminism is about choice and not being forced to live my life a certain way. I want to be independent and self-sufficient, but I also want a man who is a gentleman and who is chivalrous. I want the guy to open the door, pay for a meal, and take charge of situations. But I also want respect as a woman and I want to be able to take care of myself. I know this screws with a guys head; there is a fine line guys have to learn not to cross from being a gentleman to infringing upon a woman's independence.
Honestly, I don't mind paying for meals or participating financially in my relationship, but even in my efforts to be a strong independent woman, I still want my man to take care of me on some level. There is this balance that has to be found.
I feel independence doesn't mean that I don't choose to be taken care of; it means that I am capable of taking care of myself but want a man who is also capable of taking care of me. Again, feminism is about choice. I want to know that I can take care of myself but that's not the life that I may choose. I may choose to be a housewife or a stay at home mom, but that doesn't make me any less of an independent woman. Before I chose that life, I chose to learn to take care of myself and that is what's most important.
Women need to take time and truly figure out what they want. Forget about who society says you should be, but focus on the life you believe will make you happy. If it is not important to you to learn to be self-sufficient and independent, that is your choice. If you want to get married and be completely dependent on your husband, that is your choice. If you decide you do not want to marry at all and be single, that is your choice. And this choice in particular should not prevent women from being mothers if they so choose. If you are in a relationship, but you don't want to get married, that is okay and there is nothing wrong with that. And I hate that women see the fun and joy in weddings and feel they are left out. I say, if you want to celebrate your commitment with someone, DO IT. Go ahead and have a huge party to celebrate your commitment to someone else; you don't have to get married to do that. I say, if you are a single woman, have a party to celebrate that. It is awesome to celebrate your choice not to take that path in life.
Women, don't let society influence your decisions, especially when figuring out what you want in life and what you want in relationships. And let me tell you, it is okay to want that chivalrous guy and still be independent. My boyfriend knows that is the kind of woman I am, and he is doing his best. :)
And women, you may want to give men a break. Men are easy; they want food and sex. That's pretty much it. Men typically say what they mean and don't hide what they want under layers and layers of subtext and innuendo. I will say, in the bedroom, men can be a little shy about what they want, but otherwise, they will tell you. Don't expect the man to figure you out and figure out what you want. Every woman is so different. My advice is to just tell him. Tell him the kind of man you want and need in your life. Tell him how you want him to act. For example, one day I was driving with my boyfriend and his best friend in the car. I had to stop for gas. Now, I'm used to the man I'm with to volunteer to pump my gas for me. If my brother, father, or cousin were in my passenger seat, they would just get out of the car and start pumping. Well, my boyfriend didn't do that and I was a little disappointed. Now instead of letting that incident fester and create tension, the next time we went to get gas I told him that I'd like him to offer to pump it for me. And I told him, it was just the principle of offering. Sometimes when he offers, I may say no. But I told him that in my eyes, a gentleman at least offers. And since then, he has been aware of that and has offered to pump my gas for me. There are some other things he does/doesn't do that I believe are ungentlemanly but I'll let him know about those things later. Honestly, he is a gentleman and he does treat me like a lady. I have no complaints. :)
So ladies, first figure out what you want beyond society's influence, and if it's the opposite of what society says, fuck society. You are your own person and you need to do what's best for you. When you figure out what you want, if that involves a man, tell him what you want. (Oh, just a little sidebar. Women, stop making these lists of what you want in a guy that only Jesus could live up to. They are people, not robots. And if a man told you he made a similar list, you would probably call him shallow or superficial. Men are human beings; you can't go to a website and create the perfect man and have him delivered to your house. Everyone has flaws; they key is to decide which flaws best mesh with yours. These lists only limit you and you could miss out on the right guy because you were so intent on achieving perfection. And no, there is not just one guy out there you could spend the rest of your life with. Prince Charming is only in fairy tales and there is a reason those stories are works of fiction.)Men, try to be a little patient and give us some time because most of us are still trying to figure out what we want. And honestly, so are a lot of you. So maybe we need to all take a deep breath and chill. We need to all be honest with ourselves and create the life we want, not the life we think we want and not the life society says we think we want.
Now, on to what women want. Men have been trying to figure out since the beginning of time what women want. The problem however is that we don't really know what we want and I ask that men be a little patient.
It is difficult living in this world as a woman having conflicting ideas thrown at me about the type of woman I should be. On one hand I am told that I should be independent, self-sufficient, and not need or want a man. Needing or wanting a man is somehow anti-feminist. On the other hand, all of these images of weddings and marriages are also being thrown at me. I'm told that I should want to get married and be a mother, and without doing those things, I am not a real woman. So I shouldn't need a man but I should get married and ultimately need and want a man. It's a contradiction that women struggle with their entire lives.
We have to decipher what we truly want from what society thinks we should want and what we think we want. It's not an easy thing to do.
I believe feminism is about choice and not being forced to live my life a certain way. I want to be independent and self-sufficient, but I also want a man who is a gentleman and who is chivalrous. I want the guy to open the door, pay for a meal, and take charge of situations. But I also want respect as a woman and I want to be able to take care of myself. I know this screws with a guys head; there is a fine line guys have to learn not to cross from being a gentleman to infringing upon a woman's independence.
Honestly, I don't mind paying for meals or participating financially in my relationship, but even in my efforts to be a strong independent woman, I still want my man to take care of me on some level. There is this balance that has to be found.
I feel independence doesn't mean that I don't choose to be taken care of; it means that I am capable of taking care of myself but want a man who is also capable of taking care of me. Again, feminism is about choice. I want to know that I can take care of myself but that's not the life that I may choose. I may choose to be a housewife or a stay at home mom, but that doesn't make me any less of an independent woman. Before I chose that life, I chose to learn to take care of myself and that is what's most important.
Women need to take time and truly figure out what they want. Forget about who society says you should be, but focus on the life you believe will make you happy. If it is not important to you to learn to be self-sufficient and independent, that is your choice. If you want to get married and be completely dependent on your husband, that is your choice. If you decide you do not want to marry at all and be single, that is your choice. And this choice in particular should not prevent women from being mothers if they so choose. If you are in a relationship, but you don't want to get married, that is okay and there is nothing wrong with that. And I hate that women see the fun and joy in weddings and feel they are left out. I say, if you want to celebrate your commitment with someone, DO IT. Go ahead and have a huge party to celebrate your commitment to someone else; you don't have to get married to do that. I say, if you are a single woman, have a party to celebrate that. It is awesome to celebrate your choice not to take that path in life.
Women, don't let society influence your decisions, especially when figuring out what you want in life and what you want in relationships. And let me tell you, it is okay to want that chivalrous guy and still be independent. My boyfriend knows that is the kind of woman I am, and he is doing his best. :)
And women, you may want to give men a break. Men are easy; they want food and sex. That's pretty much it. Men typically say what they mean and don't hide what they want under layers and layers of subtext and innuendo. I will say, in the bedroom, men can be a little shy about what they want, but otherwise, they will tell you. Don't expect the man to figure you out and figure out what you want. Every woman is so different. My advice is to just tell him. Tell him the kind of man you want and need in your life. Tell him how you want him to act. For example, one day I was driving with my boyfriend and his best friend in the car. I had to stop for gas. Now, I'm used to the man I'm with to volunteer to pump my gas for me. If my brother, father, or cousin were in my passenger seat, they would just get out of the car and start pumping. Well, my boyfriend didn't do that and I was a little disappointed. Now instead of letting that incident fester and create tension, the next time we went to get gas I told him that I'd like him to offer to pump it for me. And I told him, it was just the principle of offering. Sometimes when he offers, I may say no. But I told him that in my eyes, a gentleman at least offers. And since then, he has been aware of that and has offered to pump my gas for me. There are some other things he does/doesn't do that I believe are ungentlemanly but I'll let him know about those things later. Honestly, he is a gentleman and he does treat me like a lady. I have no complaints. :)
So ladies, first figure out what you want beyond society's influence, and if it's the opposite of what society says, fuck society. You are your own person and you need to do what's best for you. When you figure out what you want, if that involves a man, tell him what you want. (Oh, just a little sidebar. Women, stop making these lists of what you want in a guy that only Jesus could live up to. They are people, not robots. And if a man told you he made a similar list, you would probably call him shallow or superficial. Men are human beings; you can't go to a website and create the perfect man and have him delivered to your house. Everyone has flaws; they key is to decide which flaws best mesh with yours. These lists only limit you and you could miss out on the right guy because you were so intent on achieving perfection. And no, there is not just one guy out there you could spend the rest of your life with. Prince Charming is only in fairy tales and there is a reason those stories are works of fiction.)Men, try to be a little patient and give us some time because most of us are still trying to figure out what we want. And honestly, so are a lot of you. So maybe we need to all take a deep breath and chill. We need to all be honest with ourselves and create the life we want, not the life we think we want and not the life society says we think we want.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
I Could Solve The Healthcare Problem
So what's up with this Health-care Summit going on tomorrow in D.C? It's a shame that we have to have a summit on it because greedy selfish self-serving politicians won't get their heads out of their asses and actually do what's best for their constituents.
I do believe it's a great idea to have it televised so the American people can see all of the stupid bastards who are against reforming our health care system that greatly needs to be changed.
I am diabetic and when I graduated from college, Blue Cross Blue Shield took me off of my mom's health insurance. For almost two years I have not had health insurance. When I attempted to apply for my own individual health insurance with Blue Cross, they denied me because of my preexisting condition. I find it interesting they would deny me considering they had covered it for four prior years. When I looked for health insurance that would cover my Diabetes and had reasonably good coverage, it cost upwards of 350 dollars a month. And I definitely couldn't afford that. When I did find a full time job with benefits, I had to wait a year for my Diabetes to be covered. So I have been screwed. My great gift when I graduated from college was to have my health insurance taken away.
The worst part is that there are many more stories out there like mine. Stories of people getting cancer and their health insurance company finding some small discrepancy in their files and finding a reason not to cover it. People dying because health insurance companies deny their treatment. Is this one of the benefits of capitalism? Money coming before people's health and livelihood.
I believe the best thing would be universal health-care but I know that's not going to happen. I believed the public option idea was great but congress crushed that mostly due to ignorant people calling the public option socialist and branding it as the government taking over health-care. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have been mandatory; I believe that's why they called it a public OPTION. (You know, republicans are such hypocrites sometimes. They talk about the need for the government to be less involved, but it's only when less-involvement would serve their interest. Like in this case, opposing government involvement in health care means they can continue to get campaign contributions from big drug companies and health care providers. You know, Democrats are guilty of that too but at least they aren't hypocritical jerks about it.)
Preexisting condition clauses need to be eliminated. I didn't fucking give myself type 1 Diabetes; it happened to me and I shouldn't be punished for it. It's always the people who need things who get fucked over in the end.
Premiums need to be regulated. Today I heard that Anthem Blue Cross in California wants to raise their premiums by 39%. They say it's due to rising health care costs. Yet the CEO makes 1.3 million dollars a year, receives about 73,000 dollars in bonuses annually, and has 8.5 million dollars in stock options. Maybe she should take a pay cut. That would lower costs!
I honestly believe health care should be non-profit. People are entitled to health care; they shouldn't have to go broke to get health insurance. They shouldn't have to choose between food and necessary medications. Over one million people declared bankruptcy in 2008 and 60% of those were due to medical bills. That means about 600,000 people had to declare bankruptcy because they couldn't afford necessary medical procedures. They had to declare bankruptcy because they decided to save their lives. If that was 2008, I can't imagine how many there were in 2009.
I am so tired of politics; it's not about people anymore. It's about their own personal agendas. Politicians are constantly working to get re-elected; not to do what's right for people.
Now, if they don't pass this health care legislation, I am going to go to D.C and personally slap every member of Congress. All 400+ of them. Who will join me?
I do believe it's a great idea to have it televised so the American people can see all of the stupid bastards who are against reforming our health care system that greatly needs to be changed.
I am diabetic and when I graduated from college, Blue Cross Blue Shield took me off of my mom's health insurance. For almost two years I have not had health insurance. When I attempted to apply for my own individual health insurance with Blue Cross, they denied me because of my preexisting condition. I find it interesting they would deny me considering they had covered it for four prior years. When I looked for health insurance that would cover my Diabetes and had reasonably good coverage, it cost upwards of 350 dollars a month. And I definitely couldn't afford that. When I did find a full time job with benefits, I had to wait a year for my Diabetes to be covered. So I have been screwed. My great gift when I graduated from college was to have my health insurance taken away.
The worst part is that there are many more stories out there like mine. Stories of people getting cancer and their health insurance company finding some small discrepancy in their files and finding a reason not to cover it. People dying because health insurance companies deny their treatment. Is this one of the benefits of capitalism? Money coming before people's health and livelihood.
I believe the best thing would be universal health-care but I know that's not going to happen. I believed the public option idea was great but congress crushed that mostly due to ignorant people calling the public option socialist and branding it as the government taking over health-care. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have been mandatory; I believe that's why they called it a public OPTION. (You know, republicans are such hypocrites sometimes. They talk about the need for the government to be less involved, but it's only when less-involvement would serve their interest. Like in this case, opposing government involvement in health care means they can continue to get campaign contributions from big drug companies and health care providers. You know, Democrats are guilty of that too but at least they aren't hypocritical jerks about it.)
Preexisting condition clauses need to be eliminated. I didn't fucking give myself type 1 Diabetes; it happened to me and I shouldn't be punished for it. It's always the people who need things who get fucked over in the end.
Premiums need to be regulated. Today I heard that Anthem Blue Cross in California wants to raise their premiums by 39%. They say it's due to rising health care costs. Yet the CEO makes 1.3 million dollars a year, receives about 73,000 dollars in bonuses annually, and has 8.5 million dollars in stock options. Maybe she should take a pay cut. That would lower costs!
I honestly believe health care should be non-profit. People are entitled to health care; they shouldn't have to go broke to get health insurance. They shouldn't have to choose between food and necessary medications. Over one million people declared bankruptcy in 2008 and 60% of those were due to medical bills. That means about 600,000 people had to declare bankruptcy because they couldn't afford necessary medical procedures. They had to declare bankruptcy because they decided to save their lives. If that was 2008, I can't imagine how many there were in 2009.
I am so tired of politics; it's not about people anymore. It's about their own personal agendas. Politicians are constantly working to get re-elected; not to do what's right for people.
Now, if they don't pass this health care legislation, I am going to go to D.C and personally slap every member of Congress. All 400+ of them. Who will join me?
Sunday, February 21, 2010
As I'm Crying
Has your heart ever hurt? Like something happens in your life and you can actually feel your heart begin to hurt and break? That's what happened to me Thursday February 18th at 1:40pm as I was standing in my grandmother's hospital room and the doctors proceeded to tell me my Dear only had a few hours to live.
It seemed so weird to stand there and see these unaffected doctors tell me that in a few short hours my grandmother would be dead. And by 3:50 that afternoon, she was gone. Six months ago I had to bury my other grandmother and now this coming Tuesday I have to bury my other one. I haven't even finished grieving the loss of one and now I have to grieve another.
Things can change so quickly. Just a week ago I was combing her hair and fixing her nails and now she is laying in a coffin in some funeral home waiting to be put in the ground next to her husband. And I'm finding it very difficult to keep it together.
My Dear was an amazing woman with an amazing heart. She was truly a beautiful person and it just emanated from within. Everything good about me I got from her. I have to admit, my relationship with my other grandmother had it's rocky moments. We argued sometimes and had some serious disagreements. But with Dear, there aren't any bad memories. Every moment I had with her was wonderful. She taught me to type and how to act like a lady. She taught me how to make pancakes from scratch. I could always count on Dear to have waffles and Butter Pecan icecream in her house. I remember running errands with her and she always had butterscotch candy in her purse and we always had Rally's for lunch. She would play with me outside and we would throw around this little red football.
And she always sang to me at night when I was little. Even now I can hear her voice, "You are my Sunshine, my only Sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know Dear how much I love you. Please don't take my Sunshine away."
She spent most of her life taking care of other people, her husband, her mother, and her aunt. And I know she was tired. And I know she's in a better place and she's resting now. But I want her here. I want to be able to brush her hair and fix her nails. I want to talk to her about General Hospital. (She's the one who got me hooked on soap operas. During the summer I would spend all day at her house and she would watch soaps from 10am until 3pm). I want her to see me get my Masters. I want her to hold my first published novel. I want her to be there when I get married. I know it sounds selfish but it's only been three days and I miss her terribly.
And I'm in so much pain and I don't know what to do with it except feel it. I got to say goodbye and I truly believed that would help. It doesn't. When someone dies, you not only lose someone you loved but you lose someone who loved you. I truly feel like a part of me is gone. I had such a deep emotional connection with Dear; nothing will be able to replace that or come close.
Right now, I either feel numb or I'm in pain. I have my moments where I laugh, but they are fleeting. And being alone at night isn't mentally healthy because there isn't anything to distract me from my thoughts. I'm currently debating whether or not I want to go see her at the funeral home. I'm not sure it's a good idea. Last July I went to see my other grandmother at the funeral home alone and I just broke down. I've already said goodbye and it may do more harm than good.
I am lucky to have such supportive friends who are doing their best to help me through this. They ask me what they can do to help and it's unfortunate there is nothing they can do to help.
My life was turned upside down in 24 hours. And now the woman I looked up to and aspired to be is gone. I'm lucky to have her in heaven on my side. I'm blessed she was not only my grandma but now she's my angel.
It seemed so weird to stand there and see these unaffected doctors tell me that in a few short hours my grandmother would be dead. And by 3:50 that afternoon, she was gone. Six months ago I had to bury my other grandmother and now this coming Tuesday I have to bury my other one. I haven't even finished grieving the loss of one and now I have to grieve another.
Things can change so quickly. Just a week ago I was combing her hair and fixing her nails and now she is laying in a coffin in some funeral home waiting to be put in the ground next to her husband. And I'm finding it very difficult to keep it together.
My Dear was an amazing woman with an amazing heart. She was truly a beautiful person and it just emanated from within. Everything good about me I got from her. I have to admit, my relationship with my other grandmother had it's rocky moments. We argued sometimes and had some serious disagreements. But with Dear, there aren't any bad memories. Every moment I had with her was wonderful. She taught me to type and how to act like a lady. She taught me how to make pancakes from scratch. I could always count on Dear to have waffles and Butter Pecan icecream in her house. I remember running errands with her and she always had butterscotch candy in her purse and we always had Rally's for lunch. She would play with me outside and we would throw around this little red football.
And she always sang to me at night when I was little. Even now I can hear her voice, "You are my Sunshine, my only Sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know Dear how much I love you. Please don't take my Sunshine away."
She spent most of her life taking care of other people, her husband, her mother, and her aunt. And I know she was tired. And I know she's in a better place and she's resting now. But I want her here. I want to be able to brush her hair and fix her nails. I want to talk to her about General Hospital. (She's the one who got me hooked on soap operas. During the summer I would spend all day at her house and she would watch soaps from 10am until 3pm). I want her to see me get my Masters. I want her to hold my first published novel. I want her to be there when I get married. I know it sounds selfish but it's only been three days and I miss her terribly.
And I'm in so much pain and I don't know what to do with it except feel it. I got to say goodbye and I truly believed that would help. It doesn't. When someone dies, you not only lose someone you loved but you lose someone who loved you. I truly feel like a part of me is gone. I had such a deep emotional connection with Dear; nothing will be able to replace that or come close.
Right now, I either feel numb or I'm in pain. I have my moments where I laugh, but they are fleeting. And being alone at night isn't mentally healthy because there isn't anything to distract me from my thoughts. I'm currently debating whether or not I want to go see her at the funeral home. I'm not sure it's a good idea. Last July I went to see my other grandmother at the funeral home alone and I just broke down. I've already said goodbye and it may do more harm than good.
I am lucky to have such supportive friends who are doing their best to help me through this. They ask me what they can do to help and it's unfortunate there is nothing they can do to help.
My life was turned upside down in 24 hours. And now the woman I looked up to and aspired to be is gone. I'm lucky to have her in heaven on my side. I'm blessed she was not only my grandma but now she's my angel.
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