Sometimes you have to let go, and sometimes that includes people. This week I lost my best friend. (I have to admit over something stupid) But, shit happens. And I should be more upset, but I'm not. People change and she happened to change in a way that was no longer compatible with me.
I would have loved to have been friends with her forever, but she didn't want that. And you know what, that's okay. Better that I find out how important I am to her now than five years from now. And it's okay that I wasn't important to her and our friendship wasn't worth having from her perspective. She is who she is and I cannot change that. "Know the things I cannot change." And I believe she will be a good friend to someone else; just not to me. I have this tendency to expect people to treat me the way I treat them and it just doesn't work out that way all of the time. She couldn't be the best friend I need so it was time for me to move on.
Friendship is like any relationship; it takes two people to make it work and keep it going. And for the most part, especially towards the end, I was the only person making an effort. See, she and I are different. The people in my life are very important to me, and to make sure they know it I show them. I treat them like they matter to me and I consider them in my decisions. I remember that my decisions do affect the people around me. She is a private person and is content being alone. I need people in my life, especially ones I can trust. I know at some point I'm going to need someone's help.
She was meant to come into my life for a certain time and then leave it. And now I'm ready to move on. Even though I feel like she treated me unfairly and with complete disregard, I have no ill feelings towards her. I still care about her well-being; we just can't be friends. The word "friend" means two different things to us.
So...
1. Make sure your friends know you care about them.
2. It is better to have two good friends you can trust and rely on than 50 acquaintances.
3. Don't be afraid to let go of someone if you think they are holding you back.
4. People change and you should expect them to.
5. Don't take your true friends for granted because one day you may need them, and they won't be there.
6. Don't be afraid to call your friends out on their shit.
7. Be honest but not hurtful.
8. Don't forget to have fun.
9. Let go of the past. I was trying to hold onto a friendship that hadn't truly existed for two years. Make sure what you are holding onto is real.
10. Don't treat people like they are disposable. If you do, the people that come into your life will treat you the same way.
The only way you can see what is ahead of you is to stop looking in the rear view mirror.
So remember why your friends are your friends, and if it isn't genuine, just do a little downgrade. No one should burn bridges, but make sure your friends are actually your friends before you trust them. And if a friendship ends like a bad breakup, let it go. Don't let their actions affect you in a negative way. I think that's why I'm okay. I refuse to let anything petty cause me unnecessary stress and anxiety. You know, someone telling me they didn't want to be my friend anymore would have bothered me a few years ago. But, when you discover who you are and are confident in who you are, not one person's opinion can change that. And not one person's validation will make it more true.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Resolve
My first memories of Church are laying down in the pew of New Pilgrim Baptist Church, my head in my mother's lap and sleeping. I do remember being in the choir and going to practice. Beyond that, I don't have any recollection of church. And because of that, Church had never made a lasting impression. That was until my mother converted to Catholicism. I felt at home in the Catholic Church. Church finally meant something. (It also meant service only lasted an hour.) I enjoyed the process of being confirmed in the Catholic Church and even became an altar server. I felt, and still do feel, that the Catholic Church is where I belonged.
I liked it's preachings of Grace and forgiveness. There was no mention of fire and brimstone, and I rarely heard the word hell. I liked it's emphasis on charity and having a strong faith along with living a good life. I liked it's charitable work and it's desire to help the less fortunate. Despite it's shady history, which every Church has, the good things always outweighed the bad.
When the scandal about the Priests molesting altar boys and girls became public, I was all of a sudden thrown into a unexpected internal debate. Can you have respect for a faith without respecting some of its representatives. I wondered if I should leave the Church. Then the controversy began to fade. And now it's come to the forefront again with the Pope and the possible covering up of Priest misconduct in Germany. Now I'm thinking about it again.
I love what the Church represents. I even enjoy the meditative nature of Mass. But this has got me questioning my choice to be Catholic. And I wish I knew what to do. This controversy should diminish my love of the Church but it doesn't. I remind myself on what the Church was built on, and try to ignore the political involvement and abuse of power. Those things are extremely difficult to ignore.
I try to keep in mind the Church's deep love for Christ and people, but everyday it becomes harder considering the violation of so many people due to Priests. Buried beneath all of this shit, is a good faith at it's core. It just got turned around by people who chose to ignore a problem and choose not to do what's necessary for the victims of these horrendous crimes. It breaks my heart.
But I realize that I have invested my heart and faith in God, not in Priests. They are supposed to be representatives of God, and some have taken it upon themselves to betray that role. I understand that they are human, but it is disgusting. Not just the fact that some Priests molested children, but also the Church's subsequent non-reaction by trying to hide it. They had to know it would come out sooner or later.
I don't want to leave my Church. Despite everything, that is where I feel most comfortable. The Catholic Church has given me so much, and it hurts to know that at the same time it was giving me faith and love, it was stripping others of those things. I really think the Church needs to reevaluate Canon law. Sometimes I believe the Church forgets that, despite Priests' calling to be messengers of God's word, they are still human and that humanity cannot be replaced by divinity. That humanity remains despite their vocation. Despite their vows, those desires and affinity to imperfection will always exist.
It is a frustrating dilemma, but one I am prepared to endeavor. I believe that the Church can turn back to God and remember its number one priority, which is to spread Christ's word. I believe the Church will recover, but it needs to recognize its mistakes and repent for them. The Church is not above doing the wrong thing, and now would be the perfect time for it to show its dedication to the people it has sworn to lead and represent, not to the protection of its reputation and disreputable Priest.
I liked it's preachings of Grace and forgiveness. There was no mention of fire and brimstone, and I rarely heard the word hell. I liked it's emphasis on charity and having a strong faith along with living a good life. I liked it's charitable work and it's desire to help the less fortunate. Despite it's shady history, which every Church has, the good things always outweighed the bad.
When the scandal about the Priests molesting altar boys and girls became public, I was all of a sudden thrown into a unexpected internal debate. Can you have respect for a faith without respecting some of its representatives. I wondered if I should leave the Church. Then the controversy began to fade. And now it's come to the forefront again with the Pope and the possible covering up of Priest misconduct in Germany. Now I'm thinking about it again.
I love what the Church represents. I even enjoy the meditative nature of Mass. But this has got me questioning my choice to be Catholic. And I wish I knew what to do. This controversy should diminish my love of the Church but it doesn't. I remind myself on what the Church was built on, and try to ignore the political involvement and abuse of power. Those things are extremely difficult to ignore.
I try to keep in mind the Church's deep love for Christ and people, but everyday it becomes harder considering the violation of so many people due to Priests. Buried beneath all of this shit, is a good faith at it's core. It just got turned around by people who chose to ignore a problem and choose not to do what's necessary for the victims of these horrendous crimes. It breaks my heart.
But I realize that I have invested my heart and faith in God, not in Priests. They are supposed to be representatives of God, and some have taken it upon themselves to betray that role. I understand that they are human, but it is disgusting. Not just the fact that some Priests molested children, but also the Church's subsequent non-reaction by trying to hide it. They had to know it would come out sooner or later.
I don't want to leave my Church. Despite everything, that is where I feel most comfortable. The Catholic Church has given me so much, and it hurts to know that at the same time it was giving me faith and love, it was stripping others of those things. I really think the Church needs to reevaluate Canon law. Sometimes I believe the Church forgets that, despite Priests' calling to be messengers of God's word, they are still human and that humanity cannot be replaced by divinity. That humanity remains despite their vocation. Despite their vows, those desires and affinity to imperfection will always exist.
It is a frustrating dilemma, but one I am prepared to endeavor. I believe that the Church can turn back to God and remember its number one priority, which is to spread Christ's word. I believe the Church will recover, but it needs to recognize its mistakes and repent for them. The Church is not above doing the wrong thing, and now would be the perfect time for it to show its dedication to the people it has sworn to lead and represent, not to the protection of its reputation and disreputable Priest.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
80% Approval
My mom is a teacher and have so much respect for her. I have been in her classroom and seen her students, and she has to put up with so much. This is the first year she comes home and tells me that her students are just awful and she just wants to quit, or at least go to another school. My mom is an amazing teacher. I have seen her take a third grader who came in reading at a kindergarten level, and the child leaves third grade reading at a fourth grade level. She is very good at what she does.
The education system in this country is horrible, and it is nice to know our President is making Reform a priority. I believe that his idea to create more charter schools is an awesome idea. And I definitely believe No Child Left Behind has been more detrimental than helpful to children. And it's good to know he wants to change No Child Left Behind.
So, this 80% approval in the title refers to how much I approve of what Obama and the Secretary of Education want to do. But I do see some problems.
First, there is too much responsibility on the teacher to improve a child's education and none on the child themselves. There are children that just do not want to learn; I've seen them in my mom's classroom. And the administration seems to be lacking in that reality. A teacher shouldn't be held totally responsible if a child is failing. When I was growing up, doing my homework and making sure my grades were good were my responsibility. I was responsible for getting my education. Of course my parents were supportive and encouraging, but if I wasn't doing well, they didn't go bless out the teacher; they punished me.
I also think we need to get out of this whole standardized test thing. Children are not standard. They learn and express their knowledge differently, and these tests don't take that into consideration. My mom spends most of her time teaching her children how to pass the damn state tests versus teaching them what third graders need to know. I didn't have these stupid tests and I did pretty damn well. Some children are like my mom. My mom is extremely intelligent, but she is horrible at taking standardized tests. She said she would get very nervous and anxious, and not do as well as she could. The administration isn't taking into account that some of these children may just be bad at taking standardized tests. I say, take the emphasis off tests and emphasize learning. I understand you have to assess how well a school is doing, but shouldn't a student's grades be enough?
Also, schools don't have enough resources. I was very lucky to have been able to go to John Carroll where I had many resources available. But not all students are that lucky. Also, teachers don't get paid enough. There are some great people out there who may be wonderful teachers, but choose not to be because the pay is so poor. (It's crazy that we pay teachers, police officers, nurses, and firefighters less than we pay athletes and actors. I think that is ridiculous. I watch Nurse Jackie and Jackie said something very interesting during one of the episodes. She said that the doctors are there to diagnose; the nurses are there to take care of the patients.)
I think that elementary school should be like middle and high school. My mom is expected to teach social studies, science, reading, spelling, and math. I think that is insane. The reason college and high school structures work is because the teachers are experts in their field. So why not have one teacher teach social studies, one reading and spelling, one math, and one science. An expert in a field would perhaps be better at communicating the information related to that field. When you get a Ph.D, you have to take an oral exam so on some level, you have to know how to communicate the information. Now, not all college professors are great, but they do know what the hell they are talking about.
Lastly, my mom spends too much of her time disciplining in her classroom. We underestimate these children. They may not be extremely book smart, but their street smarts are incredible. They are too smart for their own good. How they act in school is simply a reflection of how they act at home, and children are no longer afraid of their parents or teachers. They are no longer afraid of punishment. I was terrified to do something bad because I knew my mom and dad would be upset, and I would be punished. These children know neither their parents or teachers can do anything to them in terms of discipline. If a teacher even yells too loud, the student can go complain and that teacher could get reprimanded. These parents know their children can call the police and call their discipline, abuse. The children know no one can touch them. So they act a fool in school. I say bring back corporal punishment. I know the ACLU would have a fit at that statement, but something needs to be done. These children have no incentive to behave, so let not getting their butt kicked be an incentive.
I'd also like the Obama administration to be careful in how much they get involved in the classroom. My mom is frustrated by the amount of politics she has to deal with on a daily basis. It simply interferes with her teaching. I do not want my mom to become even more distracted by ridiculous tests and standards that keep her from actually teaching.
Education Reform is very important to me but reform has to be approached from all angles. There has to be more parental involvement and students need to be held responsible for their behavior. Teachers need to be allowed to discipline, and so do parents. Making teachers take three science and math classes is not going to improve the system. And putting special needs children in the same class as children who learn "normally" doesn't help either. Just like our children need to have a well-rounded education, reform also needs to be well-rounded.
The education system in this country is horrible, and it is nice to know our President is making Reform a priority. I believe that his idea to create more charter schools is an awesome idea. And I definitely believe No Child Left Behind has been more detrimental than helpful to children. And it's good to know he wants to change No Child Left Behind.
So, this 80% approval in the title refers to how much I approve of what Obama and the Secretary of Education want to do. But I do see some problems.
First, there is too much responsibility on the teacher to improve a child's education and none on the child themselves. There are children that just do not want to learn; I've seen them in my mom's classroom. And the administration seems to be lacking in that reality. A teacher shouldn't be held totally responsible if a child is failing. When I was growing up, doing my homework and making sure my grades were good were my responsibility. I was responsible for getting my education. Of course my parents were supportive and encouraging, but if I wasn't doing well, they didn't go bless out the teacher; they punished me.
I also think we need to get out of this whole standardized test thing. Children are not standard. They learn and express their knowledge differently, and these tests don't take that into consideration. My mom spends most of her time teaching her children how to pass the damn state tests versus teaching them what third graders need to know. I didn't have these stupid tests and I did pretty damn well. Some children are like my mom. My mom is extremely intelligent, but she is horrible at taking standardized tests. She said she would get very nervous and anxious, and not do as well as she could. The administration isn't taking into account that some of these children may just be bad at taking standardized tests. I say, take the emphasis off tests and emphasize learning. I understand you have to assess how well a school is doing, but shouldn't a student's grades be enough?
Also, schools don't have enough resources. I was very lucky to have been able to go to John Carroll where I had many resources available. But not all students are that lucky. Also, teachers don't get paid enough. There are some great people out there who may be wonderful teachers, but choose not to be because the pay is so poor. (It's crazy that we pay teachers, police officers, nurses, and firefighters less than we pay athletes and actors. I think that is ridiculous. I watch Nurse Jackie and Jackie said something very interesting during one of the episodes. She said that the doctors are there to diagnose; the nurses are there to take care of the patients.)
I think that elementary school should be like middle and high school. My mom is expected to teach social studies, science, reading, spelling, and math. I think that is insane. The reason college and high school structures work is because the teachers are experts in their field. So why not have one teacher teach social studies, one reading and spelling, one math, and one science. An expert in a field would perhaps be better at communicating the information related to that field. When you get a Ph.D, you have to take an oral exam so on some level, you have to know how to communicate the information. Now, not all college professors are great, but they do know what the hell they are talking about.
Lastly, my mom spends too much of her time disciplining in her classroom. We underestimate these children. They may not be extremely book smart, but their street smarts are incredible. They are too smart for their own good. How they act in school is simply a reflection of how they act at home, and children are no longer afraid of their parents or teachers. They are no longer afraid of punishment. I was terrified to do something bad because I knew my mom and dad would be upset, and I would be punished. These children know neither their parents or teachers can do anything to them in terms of discipline. If a teacher even yells too loud, the student can go complain and that teacher could get reprimanded. These parents know their children can call the police and call their discipline, abuse. The children know no one can touch them. So they act a fool in school. I say bring back corporal punishment. I know the ACLU would have a fit at that statement, but something needs to be done. These children have no incentive to behave, so let not getting their butt kicked be an incentive.
I'd also like the Obama administration to be careful in how much they get involved in the classroom. My mom is frustrated by the amount of politics she has to deal with on a daily basis. It simply interferes with her teaching. I do not want my mom to become even more distracted by ridiculous tests and standards that keep her from actually teaching.
Education Reform is very important to me but reform has to be approached from all angles. There has to be more parental involvement and students need to be held responsible for their behavior. Teachers need to be allowed to discipline, and so do parents. Making teachers take three science and math classes is not going to improve the system. And putting special needs children in the same class as children who learn "normally" doesn't help either. Just like our children need to have a well-rounded education, reform also needs to be well-rounded.
A Breaking Point
There are things in your life that you know you should change, but are either unwilling or too lazy to change. I am guilty of that and last week I reached my breaking point.
I am a type 1 Diabetic and my weight is very important in terms of maintaining my diabetes. Now, because it is type one, and weight is usually not a factor in type one, but losing weight would keep me healthier for longer. And make my disease easier to manage.
Honestly, I hadn't realize how much I had allowed my weight to get out of control. And I have tried losing weight. The last time left me a little discouraged. For four weeks, I worked out six days a week, and I ate well. And most of those days, I worked out for over an hour. After a month of trying harder than I ever had before, I had only lost five pounds. I simply gave up and just tried to come to terms with maybe this is the weight that I'm supposed to be.
About a year and a half before that, I lost ten pounds in one month due to a medication prescribed to me by my endocrinologist. It was a medication called Symlin. It helped me lose weight because it slowed the emptying of my stomach when I ate which reduced how much I ate. And it also reduced the amount of insulin I needed which also helped me lose weight. (Insulin, ironically, can make you gain weight.) Unfortunately, I lost my insurance and couldn't keep up with it.
My breaking point was when I went to put on a skirt. (For women, I think it is probably when a favorite piece of clothing doesn't fit when we get fed up.) I loved this skirt; it is a pink skirt. And so cute! Anyway, a year and a half ago, it was too big. And when I went to put it on last week, it was too small; I couldn't even button it. *sigh* That was when I decided that I was done being this weight and I was going to lose weight.
This time, I'm approaching it in a simple manner. I believe it is the perfect method, a method I hadn't thought of before. Are you ready? I have discovered the key to weight loss! Eat less...and exercise. That's it. Before I tried counting calories and creating diet plans, and now, I'm just going to eat less and exercise. I'm just going to take it one day at a time and not put so much pressure on myself to be a certain size. (I don't really care about weight. I care about how I look in my clothes.)
I think that if I stop over-thinking the process, I will succeed. Wish me luck! As of today, I have worked out and had subway for lunch. I'm starting on the right track; I'm going to stay on it.
I am a type 1 Diabetic and my weight is very important in terms of maintaining my diabetes. Now, because it is type one, and weight is usually not a factor in type one, but losing weight would keep me healthier for longer. And make my disease easier to manage.
Honestly, I hadn't realize how much I had allowed my weight to get out of control. And I have tried losing weight. The last time left me a little discouraged. For four weeks, I worked out six days a week, and I ate well. And most of those days, I worked out for over an hour. After a month of trying harder than I ever had before, I had only lost five pounds. I simply gave up and just tried to come to terms with maybe this is the weight that I'm supposed to be.
About a year and a half before that, I lost ten pounds in one month due to a medication prescribed to me by my endocrinologist. It was a medication called Symlin. It helped me lose weight because it slowed the emptying of my stomach when I ate which reduced how much I ate. And it also reduced the amount of insulin I needed which also helped me lose weight. (Insulin, ironically, can make you gain weight.) Unfortunately, I lost my insurance and couldn't keep up with it.
My breaking point was when I went to put on a skirt. (For women, I think it is probably when a favorite piece of clothing doesn't fit when we get fed up.) I loved this skirt; it is a pink skirt. And so cute! Anyway, a year and a half ago, it was too big. And when I went to put it on last week, it was too small; I couldn't even button it. *sigh* That was when I decided that I was done being this weight and I was going to lose weight.
This time, I'm approaching it in a simple manner. I believe it is the perfect method, a method I hadn't thought of before. Are you ready? I have discovered the key to weight loss! Eat less...and exercise. That's it. Before I tried counting calories and creating diet plans, and now, I'm just going to eat less and exercise. I'm just going to take it one day at a time and not put so much pressure on myself to be a certain size. (I don't really care about weight. I care about how I look in my clothes.)
I think that if I stop over-thinking the process, I will succeed. Wish me luck! As of today, I have worked out and had subway for lunch. I'm starting on the right track; I'm going to stay on it.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Why do we...
1. Ask questions we don't want the answer to?
2. Expect things of other people we don't expect out of ourselves?
3. Let things we can't control affect our lives in a negative way?
4. Feel bad when we put ourselves first?
5. Compromise when we shouldn't and remain stubborn when we should compromise?
6. Text instead of actually speaking to a person?
7. Like reality television so much?
8. Say we are fine when we want to cry?
9. Accept things the way they are when they can be changed?
10. Think tears are a sign of weakness?
11. Apologize too much?
12. Respect people who don't respect us?
13. Keep re-electing incompetent government officials?
14. Prefer to stand by principle rather than compromise to actually get something done?
15. Refuse to use the power we have?
16. Prefer to complain rather than compliment?
17. Tolerate instead of accept?
18. Settle for yogurt when we want ice-cream?
19. Get married too young?
20. Allow ourselves to be ruled by anxiety?
21. Want to grow up so fast?
22. Like to fight and argue?
23. Let financial issues drive us crazy?
24. Pretend?
25. Keep asking questions instead of trying to find answers?
2. Expect things of other people we don't expect out of ourselves?
3. Let things we can't control affect our lives in a negative way?
4. Feel bad when we put ourselves first?
5. Compromise when we shouldn't and remain stubborn when we should compromise?
6. Text instead of actually speaking to a person?
7. Like reality television so much?
8. Say we are fine when we want to cry?
9. Accept things the way they are when they can be changed?
10. Think tears are a sign of weakness?
11. Apologize too much?
12. Respect people who don't respect us?
13. Keep re-electing incompetent government officials?
14. Prefer to stand by principle rather than compromise to actually get something done?
15. Refuse to use the power we have?
16. Prefer to complain rather than compliment?
17. Tolerate instead of accept?
18. Settle for yogurt when we want ice-cream?
19. Get married too young?
20. Allow ourselves to be ruled by anxiety?
21. Want to grow up so fast?
22. Like to fight and argue?
23. Let financial issues drive us crazy?
24. Pretend?
25. Keep asking questions instead of trying to find answers?
The Caucasian Persuasion
I have always been open to dating anyone of any race. It is impossible to be color blind, but it can be ignored. And I have been great at ignoring it, especially considering my best friend is white. Well now I'm dating a white guy and I'm finding it awesome.
It could just be the men I'm dating, but all of the black men I've dated have had one thing in common, a very important thing. They have all been commitment phobic. Now, I'm not saying all black men are that way, but a lot of the ones I encounter do not want commitment. Ever since Usher did that song Lovers and Friends, that has become almost every black man's dream. I don't know how many times I've heard a black man say, "I'm not looking for anything serious, but I'd like to hang out." That's code for "I want to have sex and not commit."
The main problem is that all of the black men who are looking for commitment are taken, which leaves nothing for us single gals. So I decided to take the chance and date someone outside of my race.
I've never been treated so well and adored so much. He treats me like a lady and makes me feel special. I know every guy of every race is capable of that, but this is the first guy to make me feel this way, and he just happens to be white. He is also the first man to tell me he loves me and I actually believe it. :)
(By the way, I finally met his dad, step-mom, and his aunt Polly and I think they are very cool. Getting along with the family is a plus. I was so nervous and had nothing to be nervous about.)
I have always been someone who cared too much about what others think, and dating him has forced me not to care. Honestly, I haven't noticed any strange looks from strangers, but now I don't give a shit and it is awesome.
I'm not saying that black women should just give up on black men; there are some good ones out there. I'm just saying that black women should explore all of their options. I did and I found an awesome man who has been the best boyfriend. I found someone my family and friends like and treats me like I didn't know I deserved. I am happier than I have been in a long time.
The key is to not limit yourself, no matter who you are or what race you are. It's not good for anyone to limit their own possibilities. You never know who may be perfect for you and you miss the chance because of a superficial restraint you set for yourself.
It could just be the men I'm dating, but all of the black men I've dated have had one thing in common, a very important thing. They have all been commitment phobic. Now, I'm not saying all black men are that way, but a lot of the ones I encounter do not want commitment. Ever since Usher did that song Lovers and Friends, that has become almost every black man's dream. I don't know how many times I've heard a black man say, "I'm not looking for anything serious, but I'd like to hang out." That's code for "I want to have sex and not commit."
The main problem is that all of the black men who are looking for commitment are taken, which leaves nothing for us single gals. So I decided to take the chance and date someone outside of my race.
I've never been treated so well and adored so much. He treats me like a lady and makes me feel special. I know every guy of every race is capable of that, but this is the first guy to make me feel this way, and he just happens to be white. He is also the first man to tell me he loves me and I actually believe it. :)
(By the way, I finally met his dad, step-mom, and his aunt Polly and I think they are very cool. Getting along with the family is a plus. I was so nervous and had nothing to be nervous about.)
I have always been someone who cared too much about what others think, and dating him has forced me not to care. Honestly, I haven't noticed any strange looks from strangers, but now I don't give a shit and it is awesome.
I'm not saying that black women should just give up on black men; there are some good ones out there. I'm just saying that black women should explore all of their options. I did and I found an awesome man who has been the best boyfriend. I found someone my family and friends like and treats me like I didn't know I deserved. I am happier than I have been in a long time.
The key is to not limit yourself, no matter who you are or what race you are. It's not good for anyone to limit their own possibilities. You never know who may be perfect for you and you miss the chance because of a superficial restraint you set for yourself.
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