Wednesday, February 24, 2010

I Could Solve The Healthcare Problem

So what's up with this Health-care Summit going on tomorrow in D.C? It's a shame that we have to have a summit on it because greedy selfish self-serving politicians won't get their heads out of their asses and actually do what's best for their constituents.
I do believe it's a great idea to have it televised so the American people can see all of the stupid bastards who are against reforming our health care system that greatly needs to be changed.
I am diabetic and when I graduated from college, Blue Cross Blue Shield took me off of my mom's health insurance. For almost two years I have not had health insurance. When I attempted to apply for my own individual health insurance with Blue Cross, they denied me because of my preexisting condition. I find it interesting they would deny me considering they had covered it for four prior years. When I looked for health insurance that would cover my Diabetes and had reasonably good coverage, it cost upwards of 350 dollars a month. And I definitely couldn't afford that. When I did find a full time job with benefits, I had to wait a year for my Diabetes to be covered. So I have been screwed. My great gift when I graduated from college was to have my health insurance taken away.
The worst part is that there are many more stories out there like mine. Stories of people getting cancer and their health insurance company finding some small discrepancy in their files and finding a reason not to cover it. People dying because health insurance companies deny their treatment. Is this one of the benefits of capitalism? Money coming before people's health and livelihood.
I believe the best thing would be universal health-care but I know that's not going to happen. I believed the public option idea was great but congress crushed that mostly due to ignorant people calling the public option socialist and branding it as the government taking over health-care. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have been mandatory; I believe that's why they called it a public OPTION. (You know, republicans are such hypocrites sometimes. They talk about the need for the government to be less involved, but it's only when less-involvement would serve their interest. Like in this case, opposing government involvement in health care means they can continue to get campaign contributions from big drug companies and health care providers. You know, Democrats are guilty of that too but at least they aren't hypocritical jerks about it.)
Preexisting condition clauses need to be eliminated. I didn't fucking give myself type 1 Diabetes; it happened to me and I shouldn't be punished for it. It's always the people who need things who get fucked over in the end.
Premiums need to be regulated. Today I heard that Anthem Blue Cross in California wants to raise their premiums by 39%. They say it's due to rising health care costs. Yet the CEO makes 1.3 million dollars a year, receives about 73,000 dollars in bonuses annually, and has 8.5 million dollars in stock options. Maybe she should take a pay cut. That would lower costs!
I honestly believe health care should be non-profit. People are entitled to health care; they shouldn't have to go broke to get health insurance. They shouldn't have to choose between food and necessary medications. Over one million people declared bankruptcy in 2008 and 60% of those were due to medical bills. That means about 600,000 people had to declare bankruptcy because they couldn't afford necessary medical procedures. They had to declare bankruptcy because they decided to save their lives. If that was 2008, I can't imagine how many there were in 2009.
I am so tired of politics; it's not about people anymore. It's about their own personal agendas. Politicians are constantly working to get re-elected; not to do what's right for people.
Now, if they don't pass this health care legislation, I am going to go to D.C and personally slap every member of Congress. All 400+ of them. Who will join me?

Sunday, February 21, 2010

As I'm Crying

Has your heart ever hurt? Like something happens in your life and you can actually feel your heart begin to hurt and break? That's what happened to me Thursday February 18th at 1:40pm as I was standing in my grandmother's hospital room and the doctors proceeded to tell me my Dear only had a few hours to live.
It seemed so weird to stand there and see these unaffected doctors tell me that in a few short hours my grandmother would be dead. And by 3:50 that afternoon, she was gone. Six months ago I had to bury my other grandmother and now this coming Tuesday I have to bury my other one. I haven't even finished grieving the loss of one and now I have to grieve another.
Things can change so quickly. Just a week ago I was combing her hair and fixing her nails and now she is laying in a coffin in some funeral home waiting to be put in the ground next to her husband. And I'm finding it very difficult to keep it together.
My Dear was an amazing woman with an amazing heart. She was truly a beautiful person and it just emanated from within. Everything good about me I got from her. I have to admit, my relationship with my other grandmother had it's rocky moments. We argued sometimes and had some serious disagreements. But with Dear, there aren't any bad memories. Every moment I had with her was wonderful. She taught me to type and how to act like a lady. She taught me how to make pancakes from scratch. I could always count on Dear to have waffles and Butter Pecan icecream in her house. I remember running errands with her and she always had butterscotch candy in her purse and we always had Rally's for lunch. She would play with me outside and we would throw around this little red football.
And she always sang to me at night when I was little. Even now I can hear her voice, "You are my Sunshine, my only Sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know Dear how much I love you. Please don't take my Sunshine away."
She spent most of her life taking care of other people, her husband, her mother, and her aunt. And I know she was tired. And I know she's in a better place and she's resting now. But I want her here. I want to be able to brush her hair and fix her nails. I want to talk to her about General Hospital. (She's the one who got me hooked on soap operas. During the summer I would spend all day at her house and she would watch soaps from 10am until 3pm). I want her to see me get my Masters. I want her to hold my first published novel. I want her to be there when I get married. I know it sounds selfish but it's only been three days and I miss her terribly.
And I'm in so much pain and I don't know what to do with it except feel it. I got to say goodbye and I truly believed that would help. It doesn't. When someone dies, you not only lose someone you loved but you lose someone who loved you. I truly feel like a part of me is gone. I had such a deep emotional connection with Dear; nothing will be able to replace that or come close.
Right now, I either feel numb or I'm in pain. I have my moments where I laugh, but they are fleeting. And being alone at night isn't mentally healthy because there isn't anything to distract me from my thoughts. I'm currently debating whether or not I want to go see her at the funeral home. I'm not sure it's a good idea. Last July I went to see my other grandmother at the funeral home alone and I just broke down. I've already said goodbye and it may do more harm than good.
I am lucky to have such supportive friends who are doing their best to help me through this. They ask me what they can do to help and it's unfortunate there is nothing they can do to help.
My life was turned upside down in 24 hours. And now the woman I looked up to and aspired to be is gone. I'm lucky to have her in heaven on my side. I'm blessed she was not only my grandma but now she's my angel.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Food, Inc: You Should Watch It

I just finished watching a very eye opening documentary called Food, Inc. about the food industry and where our food comes from. It became more clear at the end why so many people are vegetarians or vegans. However, even some of our fruits and vegetables aren't without contamination. Most of the focus of the movie was on meat and I was just disturbed.
It was insane how much power corporations have over the farmers that work for them. For example, the typical chicken farmer is in about 500,000 dollars in debt if he has two chicken houses. The chicken houses are expensive to build. The debt continues due to the company's requests for upgrades. The company keeps the farmer, who makes only about 18,000 dollars a year, under their control by keeping them in debt. I think that is awful.
Also, corn has become one of the most abundant crops because corn is in everything. Some derivative of corn is in about 90 % of the food we eat, and not just the processed food. And all of this corn isn't a good thing.
So cows are supposed to be fed grass and evolved that way. But now we feed them corn because it is cheaper and it makes them fatter. The corn in their diet created the environment for acid resistant strands of E-coli to develop. And because of how the cows are raised and slaughtered, if one cow has it, most likely another will. They stand in their manure all day so it would be easy for another cow to get it and spread it. And, it isn't unlikely that small traces of the manure end up in the food.
The FDA used to do 50,000 health inspections a year. In 2006, they only did a little over 9,100. And there used to be a 1000 slaughterhouses to process beef. Now there are only 13 and the amount of beef Americans consume has increased. The chief of staff for the FDA during the Bush Administration used to be a lobbyist for the beef industry.
Funding for the FDA was greatly decreased; no wonder we don't have safe food. No wonder we don't have enough inspectors
So many conservatives out there want less government involvement but look what self-regulation does. This is a capitalist country where corporations are out to make money and they will break any rules, do any immoral acts, put people's lives at risk, and cross any lines to make more and more money. So the government needs to be involved and they need to do their fucking job.
There is a bill called Kevin's law that allows the USDA to shut down plants that have repeated health violations. I'm surprised they didn't have that ability before. That bill still hasn't passed. Why?
So I try not to be partisan but a democratic congressman in the movie is all about the increase of food safety and regulation and the republican is worried about the cost to the company. He said he didn't think people would pay more for the increased
safety of food. I WOULD!
If you feed a cow grass for five days and eliminate the corn, it will get rid of 80% of the E-coli in their system. But the beef industry doesn't want to do that. (I'm sorry but this is what capitalism does...makes people selfish and self-serving)
There is definitely a systemic problem with the beef industry. The beef industry's solution to getting rid of E-coli, instead of feeding the animals grass, is to inject an ammonia based filler into the meat to kill the E-coli. That's great; I love consuming a dangerous product like ammonia.
Why is the healthy food so much more expensive? The unhealthy foods are the foods that are heavily subsidized; they are the ones that come from the commodity crops. It is insane that you can get two double cheeseburgers for two dollars but you can't
get four apples for that. It sucks when you have to eat bad food because you can't afford good foods.
Farmers aren't allowed to make decisions anymore; these decisions are being made in corporate board rooms by people who don't have to deal with the consequences of their own decisions. It's like health insurance companies making decisions about care
when doctors should be.
(UGH...i just saw a chicken get it's head cut off. It was gross.)
This farmer who raises his animals almost got shut down by the FDA because the FDA said that because their animals were exposed to sun and air that it was unsafe. That is ridiculous. Turns out his farms are safer than industrialized farms. I think this country has forgotten how farms were before all of this industrial
technology. It's even more interesting that with all of this industrial technology, our food isn't safer. Why doesn't anyone think that if the animals are raised in better conditions, treated respectfully, and given proper food that they will
have better meat? Oh that's right. Because it's not about quality; it's about selling more so the company can make more money.
Watching these slaughterhouses makes me want to not eat meat...anymore.
What's worse is that these slaughterhouses are bad for the employees and the working conditions are making them sick. But the corporations don't care because most of the employees are latino or black that will take low pay without benefits. These
corporations purposefully go to low income neighborhoods. I didn't know meat packing was so dangerous.
It makes me sad that the farmers who are producing quality meat and raising their animals properly are the ones being run out of business by these huge industrialized farms.
I feel bad for the illegal immigrants who work in these factories. Yes they are illegal, but the company they work for has made an agreement with the immigration office. There are no public raids and they can arrest as many illegal immigrants
as they want just as long as the company doesn't get in any trouble for hiring them. That is ridiculous! These men are just trying to work and support their families: they are being treated like murderers and thieves. One guy in the documentary said something very interesting. He said we want cheap food but we don't realize it comes at a cost.
The food industry has become so dominated by corporations that farmers don't even control their own seeds anymore. Farmers aren't allowed to reuse seeds because the company that has genetically modified the seed says it breaks patent laws for farmers'to reuse them. The companies are even sueing the farmers. (The documentary talks about this soybean seed producer called Monsanto).
The same people that work for these crappy companies are the same people in Washington making decisions about regulating the food industry. Genetically modified foods don't have to be labeled as genetically modified foods. About 70% of all
processed food has a genetically modified ingredient. And people can get in trouble and have food industries come after them just for commenting on the food industries' practices. Remember the incident with Oprah?
This movie was very enlightening. I can't promise that I won't eat processed food or eat meat that isn't farm raised. Honestly, I don't make a lot of money and buying organic is expensive. I will promise however that I will remain more conscious
of the food I eat. The movie also inspired me because as consumers, we often feel helpless. We feel like we can't do anything to change how these corporations behave. Well, we do have power. These corporations are dependent on our money and our purchases,not the other way around. When I choose organic, I am showing these companies that I want better quality food that is healthy. Like the documentary says, everyone is entitled to healthy food and we should fight for our right to food that comes from companies that respect workers, animals, and the environment. We need to demand it!

Valentine's Day

In my attempts to learn the history of Valentine's Day, I realized there is no definitive origin of Valentine's Day. One of the interesting stories I read about on History.com was about one of the three St. Valentines. Emperor Claudius had decreed that young soldiers could not marry because he believed single men made better soldiers. Well St. Valentine was disgusted by this decree he considered injustice and married couples secretly.
I had never heard that story before, and being Catholic, was embarrassed just to find out that the Catholic Church recognizes three Saints known as St. Valentines who were all martyred. Information I didn't know.
I know that some people love Valentine's Day, some celebrate their single status (which I think is awesome. I've done it many times), and some just ignore the holiday all together. Now part of me thinks it's silly to have a holiday dedicated to love when you should tell people you love them all year round, but there is something great about celebrating love. Love is probably the purest emotion. And no matter the type of love, whether it be romantic, between family, or between friends, it all derives from the same place. Love comes from the heart, spirit, and soul.
Valentine's Day has become too much about romantic love. All love should be celebrated today!
So tell the people you love them that you love them...and don't forget to tell them all year round.
I took this cool quiz on History.com and based on my knowledge, I would have been the most successful dating in the 1950's. :) I find that very interesting. I may know some information about dating in the 50's but I don't think my feminist mentality would work all that well.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Why Sarah Palin Why?

I have never liked Sarah Palin. I felt she was highly under-qualified to be Vice President and believe she would be detrimental to this country as President. I actually began to have more respect for her after truly realizing she was a pawn for the McCain campaign and they were just using her to get the female vote. I listened to her interview with Barbara Walters and with Oprah and realized that this woman may have something to offer, just not as President of the United States. Most recently she was invited to speak at the Tea Party convention in Nashville, Tennessee and after that speech, my growing respect for her was gone.
She mentioned that the Democrats have to held accountable for their agenda. I completely agree with her. She went on to say she disagrees with the Democrats' agenda. All I have to say is at least they have one. It is important that all methods of improving this country are questioned and debated, but it is useless to say no to what the Democrats want and not offer an alternative. The Republicans have become the party of no. And now with Scott Brown in the Senate, the Republicans can no longer blame the Democrats if nothing gets done; they will have to blame themselves too. Sixty votes secures the passing of legislation and the Democrats no longer have sixty. So if nothing is passed and nothing gets done and the parties can't learn to find a compromise that is in the best interest of the American people, both parties will be to blame, not just Democrats.
She said Americans deserve to know the threats we face, as if she knows and is suddenly an expert on foreign affairs. Sarah, we still remember your comment about seeing Russia from your home. She knew less about foreign affairs than I did when she ran and I'm pretty sure she doesn't know much more now.
Later she talks about how the Christmas Day bomber was treated once he was arrested. She says he was only questioned for 50 minutes and then read his Miranda rights and because of this, Obama is lax on security. What she fails to say first of all, they read him his Miranda rights because he asked for a lawyer. They had no choice; no matter the circumstance, our officials are obligated to follow the letter of the constitution. Although he is a terrorist,he had to be read his rights. She also failed to say that after he got a lawyer and we allowed him his rights, he gave them lots of information about Al Queda, their plans, and other leaders. So basically, we don't have to be cowboys, start shooting, and torture people to get information. Looks like if we treat them like human beings, we may get more out of them. She also failed to mention that George W. Bush treated domestic terrorists the same way.
When did Japan become a key Asian ally; I'm pretty sure our most important Ally in the east is China. She complains that Obama is too diplomatic and that he converses with terrorist dictators. Well how else is he supposed to negotiate with them to get them to stop their efforts? Oh right...like she said...we should go to war with Iran. Because that will totally solve the problem, not cause more tension between us and the Middle East, and not add to the deficit we already have being involved in two wars. I see her point now.
What else did she get wrong? Let's see...yes North Korea tested missiles, but if I'm correct, they also did the same under George W. Bush. (she isn't going to mention that.) She spent a lot of time talking about foreign policy, something she knows very little about. I found that interesting. She said we need tough sanctions on Iran; I guess she doesn't listen to the news and realize the President is working with the UN to do just that.
And how hypocritical can you get? She repeats quotes about respecting the constitution, but on the other hand, feels there are situations in which the constitution she be ignored, like when interrogating terrorists.
Then she moved on to the economy. Americans, including myself, are upset about Wall Street. She mentioned the stimulus package and how it didn't help when all economists across the board have said that if it weren't for the stimulus package, we would be in much worse shape. She mentioned the fear states have over more government control duo the bailout money. I'd like some examples of the federal government infringing more on states' rights. (Of course she didn't have any.)And there is nothing wrong with the government making sure the money is used for the reasons it intended.
And then the infamous comment about how all this hopey-changey stuff is working out for Obama supporters. I don't really have anything to say about that. I'm just glad she isn't in office and using phrases like hopey-changey when speaking to high ranking foreign and domestic officials.
Now, she complains of all of the broken promises and how Washington D.C is the same. Well Miss. Palin, Mr. Obama didn't say he would be able to do everything in one year. And he said that Congress would have to work with him to get it done. I think people forget that Congress plays a huge role in our problems; legislation has to go through them first before it even gets to the President's desk. Obama said he couldn't change anything alone and he said that the state of this country wouldn't change overnight.
I wonder if she actually listened to the State of the Union because judging from her speech, she didn't. Some of the same things she said, like needing to drill for oil off America's shores, Obama said in his speech. Yet she accuses him of not doing those things.
She is definitely campaigning for a run of office in 2012, which she continues to deny. However, I think with 71% of the country disapproving of her, that would be very difficult. And the polls show that disapproval rating increasing.
People like her because they feel they can relate to her. There is nothing wrong with being able to relate to a political candidate, but that candidate must also be extremely intelligent and she is not the brightest star in the sky. I don't believe she is stupid in any way, shape, or form, but I do believe she needs to take more than a year of studying American politics and what's going on in the world before deciding to suggest what this country can do to improve.
She claims that politicians are out of touch. Well, that would mean more coming from someone who doesn't charge 100,000 dollars to speak at a convention and who didn't decide to get paid a crap load of money to become a pundit on Fox News. She says she hasn't lost touch; I find that highly unlikely considering the fame she is soaking in.
So, in short, Sarah Palin needs to check her facts before making a speech to a group of people who seem a little out of touch with the real world in the first place. I'm all about tax reform, but some members of the tea party aren't aware of the real world consequences of some of the things they want to do.
She can continue to give as many speeches as she wants and give as much of an opinion on politics as she desires on Fox News. She just needs to stay away from the White House; that would only lead to disaster.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Do you even think about it?

My mom has always taught me to be thoughtful and considerate, and I can't even lie and say that I am all of the time. I can say that I do my best to think of others. Unfortunately not everyone is like that and it is a little annoying, especially when someone I care about is like that.
I love doing things for other people. All I ask in return is a little consideration in return. I don't do things expecting anything in return; I don't do anything wanting something in return. I like to show people I care about them because words aren't enough.
But at a certain point I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and that isn't fair to me. In the past, I have given and given and given and not received anything in return and it wore me down. I felt used and unappreciated.
Saying you love me and you care about me is not enough; you have to show it. You have to show me that your words aren't empty and meaningless. Don't just say thank you; show me you are grateful for what I have done.
I have to say one of the best relationships I have is with my best friend. She is an amazing person and an amazing friend. We have a mutual friendship. If she needs something, I'm happy to give it to her. If I need something, she is happy to give it to me. There is an understood unspoken mutual appreciation and we are both aware of that. If she gives me gas money, she doesn't ask when I'll pay her back. She KNOWS that when she needs something, I will be there. If I pay for her dinner, I don't ask her when she's going to do the same for me. It KNOW that when I need her, she will be there. It is an amazing friendship because there is NEVER any question we appreciate each other and the friendship we have and we do our best to make sure the other person knows it.
I want all of my relationships to be like that and it is unfortunate that it isn't. I hope that everyone is able to have that kind of relationship at least with someone because it is such a genuine experience. I am not perfect; nowhere near it. However, I do my best to be a good person and sometimes put others before myself. I think this world would be greater if we were all a little more thoughtful and considerate.

Why Does ABC Cancel Good Shows?

ABC is probably the television channel I watch the most; my favorite soap opera General Hospital is on ABC. However, sometimes I question ABC and what they believe qualifies a show as a good program.
I understand it is a recession and reality television is easier to produce, but it makes no sense to cancel good and highly entertaining shows. The weird thing is that they create new shows to replace the ones they cancel and end up canceling those too.
First there was Pushing Daisies. I loved that show. Not only was the premise of the show different and interesting, but it was also intriguing visually. The acting was incredible and the stories were original. After only one and a half seasons, ABC decided to cancel saying that it was too expensive to produce. I guess all of the Emmy nominations weren't enough to show ABC that Pushing Daisies was a substantive show.
Next, they canceled Life On Mars. Now, in the beginning I wasn't very interested in the show but after watching it with my mom, I found it to be very entertaining. Again, it had a very different premise and I love that. Then they canceled Samantha Who. I loved that show and thought the characters were hilarious. I looked forward to watching that show every week. And way to kick a girl while she's down ABC. You cancel a woman's show while she is battling Breast Cancer.
Now they have canceled Ugly Betty after four years. Ugly Betty is an amazing show and it is so inspiring. It's a show that everyday people can relate to. I can relate to Betty and her struggle to get where she wants to be in her life. I can relate to her as a writer and wanting to succeed. The issues of Ugly Betty aren't high brow and most people can find some commonalities in the show with their regular lives.
I understand needing to cut costs but don't sacrifice quality television for the sake of cost; it only demeans your television station as a whole. I think ABC needs to take a look at their complete program list and really decide what shows need to stay or go. Personally, I would much rather watch a show like Ugly Betty or Pushing Daisies rather than the Bachelor.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Superbowl 2010

I am a huge football fan, but mostly college football (Roll Tide). But I do enjoy watching the Superbowl and have gotten more into the NFL thanks to my brother. This year the game was great. Go Saints! However, the commercials stunk. There were only three commercials that made me laugh.
First, was the Doritos commercial. The guy comes to the door to pick up his date who happens to have a son. He goes over and starts talking to him trying to win him over and takes one of his Doritos. Then, the little boy slaps him and says, "keep your hands off my mama. Keep your hands off my Doritos." That was hilarious.
Second, was the first Etrade commercial I saw with the babies. Now, I saw they changed babies which is unfortunate because the original one was adorable. But that baby probably no longer looks like a baby so it makes sense they had to change him. In this one, this baby girl is talking to the baby boy through webcam about what he did the previous night and he said he was trading his stocks. Then the girl asks if this milkaholic girl was over there with him. Then another baby girl pops up with him and says, " a milka what?" It was great! I love those Etrade commercials with the babies.
The last one wasn't that funny itself. It was the commercial with Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother (which is freakin hilarious) and he has a sign that says call him with a number on it. You can actually call the number and it is a funny voicemail message from Barney. That cracked me up.
Besides those, there were a few that made me giggle but nothing major. I was disappointed. I wanted to see the commercials they refused to air like the Tim Tebow pro-life commercial and the commercial for a new site called Man Crush. They may have provided more entertainment. And it seemed like the same few companies had commercials; there wasn't a diversity of products promoted. However, it is a recession.
Besides the lack of commercial hilarity, I had a fun evening. Who dat?!

Saturday, February 6, 2010

It's Not Just What You Carry But How You Carry It

Now let's talk about baggage and relationships. Everyone has baggage that they carry with them from one relationship to the next. Baggage isn't always a negative thing. When you go on a trip, you use it to carry the things you need to complete your journey, enjoy your trip, and have the necessities. Sometimes the things we carry from one relationship, as long as we acknowledge them and learn from them, can keep us from repeating mistakes and we can truly learn what we want and need from the person we are in a relationship with.
(By the way it is very difficult to write this while watching Saw VI. Can you say mega gross! And it's very interesting the political/social statement they make with the first scene.)
Some baggage is permanent, like a divorce. Those things will always be a part of a person's past but it is how they are handled and carried that determines their future. Divorce begins as a full bag. In it you have anger, resentment, sadness, disappointment, grief, regret, and your mind is full of "shoulds, coulds, and woulds." Every time you look at that bag and go through it, you think about all of the things you could have done differently and everything you think you could have changed. Once you take those things out, the bag becomes lighter and lighter and all that is left are those lessons that will help you create a healthy relationship with someone else. Now even though that bag is light, if you carry it on your back, on your shoulder, or in your hand, eventually it will become heavy. The best way is to put the baggage in roller luggage; that way it will always be behind you and easy to tote. But it will always be BEHIND you, not in front of you, and not with you in the present, but behind you. It isn't leading your way, but it is part of your past that will help you navigate through the rest of your life. (And this analogy can be used for any type of baggage.)
Now although some view children as baggage, that is simply perception. As long as you see a child as a blessing, the right person will see them the same way. Someone you are interested in will ultimately see your child the way you do; so don't treat them as a hindrance but as a blessing and perhaps even a tool to finding the right person.
Excluding divorce or children, we all have baggage. It is up to us to not let that baggage become a burden; we have to lighten the load. We only need to carry what is necessary. We can't carry the past with us all of the time; if we did, it would become so heavy it would keep us from enjoying our lives and moving forward.
Letting go is difficult...trust me I know. And there are so many types of baggage. We don't just carry baggage from romantic relationship to romantic relationship, but friendship to friendship, and job to job. We have to learn to keep the past in the past; once we bring it to the present, it can become damaging. Don't make the past a present obstacle to the future. It is wonderful to take something away from experiences and situations, but we should try to take away positive things. Even when bad things happen, we should try to learn from them. It is human to grieve, to be sad and angry, and to be disappointed; but those things should not dictate your life. Positivity will result in positive outcomes and the same goes for negativity.
I am not pretending that this is at all easy. This requires a serious level of consciousness and awareness of everything we do. This requires self-analysis and self-reflection, which we often don't take time to do. We can only do the best we can, but let's try to elevate our best. Let's raise the bar on what we believe we are capable of.
So work on letting go of the baggage; I'm trying to do that. Work on getting past the hurt and pain so your heart will be open to the next great thing. Good things usually happen when you aren't paying attention; if you aren't, you will miss them. And we are usually not paying attention because we are focused on the negative. I'm going to try to focus on the positive and the good; perhaps change my life in the process.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Today's Letter is the Letter P

I was thinking about two "p" words today that we have a tendency to base our entire lives on, plans and purpose. One, our plans, depends on the other, our purpose.
First we try to decide our purpose. We try to figure out why we are put on this earth and what we are destined to do, almost denying the little control we have over our lives. When we are little, we haven't been jaded by life's experiences so we have those dreams of being the President of the United States, a lawyer, a doctor, or a fireman. Then we grow up and learn the realities of those careers. For example, when I was little I wanted to be a ballet dancer; I thought those dancers were beautiful and it was like art in motion. Then I hit puberty and developed boobs, hips, and a butt; therefore the dream of being a ballet dancer was gone.
As we gain knowledge and experience, our aspirations and ambitions change until we find something we believe to be the right fit. Some people are lucky and are able to manifest those dreams of being a lawyer, doctor, or fireman into reality, but most of us have to adapt. And like survival of the fittest, those who are able to adapt are more likely to survive.
After we figure out our purpose or figure out what we want to do with the rest of our lives, we make plans. We decide how we want to go about accomplishing our goals. We work hard to get the grades to go to the great school to get that piece of paper to get that job right out of college that pays well with the opportunity for advance. Unfortunately, for the majority of us it doesn't happen like that. Often times our plans are interrupted or detoured.
The best thing to do when that happens is to just go with the flow. The more we try to control our lives the more of a struggle life will be. So we have to learn to let go; the universe is going to behave as it desires. It is not our job to dictate life's path but to make the most of it.
While you are making your plans don't forget to live. While you are planning the future, don't forget to experience the present. Happiness is here in the moment and the present is truly all we have. I used to believe that the saying "everything happens for a reason," was corny, ridiculous, and just something someone made up to make us feel better when crappy shit happens to us. Now I truly believe that there is a plan and things are meant to happen the way they happen. The key is to cope when the unexpected happens and be open to the wonderful surprises. If you truly want something, and it will truly make you happy, it will happen.
Oh, another piece of advice; nothing is what you expect it to be. It may be harder, easier, more complicated, or less challenging; it may bore you to tears or make you more excited than you've ever been.
So stop making plans. And making plans and setting goals are two different things. Goals and ambitions are extremely important, just believe you will get there and don't even try to dictate the road along the way. It's like Space Mountain; you can't see where you are going and you don't know what hills and obstacles will be in the way, but the experience will be a lot of fun and once you get to the end, you will want to ride it again. :)
And well, in terms of your purpose, just follow your instinct. It is difficult for us to trust ourselves and trust what we want. There are so many voices telling us what is right for us and what we SHOULD do, we almost can't even hear our own consciousness. When something just feels right, it is right, and follow that feeling. You may make a mistake, choose the wrong way, or take the wrong advice, but that's life and there is no way to avoid it. So stop trying to avoid it and embrace it; you will most likely learn from the imperfections, the trials, and the struggles. Think of them as tools versus a crisis. Think of them as methods of learning versus a problem. Think of them as growing pains instead of tragedy.
Put all of your good energy into life and the universe will deliver it right back to you.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Why do this?

At 26 years old, I still have no idea who I am or what I truly want. I have spent 10 years trying to figure out the best means of self discovery. I have realized that documenting my life, my experiences, my thoughts, and my insights would be a great way to finding my "self" amongst the social constructs that keep me from doing so.
Not only that, but I have so much to say. I have so many thoughts running through my head and so many ideas it is necessary for me to put them down, if only as evidence that these things existed. And when I take the time to reread what I've written, I may encounter something new and uncover some insight about the things I experience that may help me in my endeavors.
The reason I have called this muffled voice is because I feel my voice is buried beneath the noise of life. And I don't want my thoughts to simply come about and then disappear. I want to put them into words and make a permanent imprint, hopefully on someone's life besides my own.
I'd like to go ahead and thank everyone who reads my blog. The best feeling for a writer like myself is knowing that at least one person took something away from my writing and thought it more than meaningless words.
I hope that this blog can inspire, motivate, encourage, comfort, inform, advise, or simply entertain. Most of all I hope that the writing of my own words will help me find some insight into my own life. I want to find something new in my experiences.