Rejection

I have always wanted to publish a novel. I will always be a writer but being an author was my dream. I worked hard on my first novel and edited and revised over and over again. And then it was time to find an agent. That turned out to be fruitless. I don't know how many agents I sent my first chapter to. I do know that all of them rejected my work. So I decided to take matters into my own hands. Thanks to James, I found a website that will publish my novel electronically for free. I knew that would be the best route. I just finished my Masters in Social Work and will be starting a PhD program in the fall. Because I didn't want writing to necessarily be my paid career, I just wanted to get my words out there. I wanted people to read what I wrote and be affected by it. (I do also have a dream of my book being discussed on NPR) So it came time to hit that publish button on the Smashwords website. The formatting was done. I had done all of the editing I could without being obsessive. (Most writers will tell you a novel is never done. They can always find sentences to restructure and plot points to change. The key is to get to a place where you have done your best). And it took me hours. Took me hours to hit that button. Why? Because that would open myself up to rejection. My words are like my children. I want to protect them. I want to keep the best possible opinion of them. And I know some people will not like my book. I know there will be people who won't connect with the story. I know this and I'm afraid. I'm afraid that this criticism, whether constructive or not, will affect my ability to write. I don't want to lose the confidence in my ability to tell a story. I'm no Philip Roth, Jeffrey Eugenides or Toni Morrison. But I think I'm a good writer. I'm definitely better than Stephanie Meyer (sorry if I offended anyone who is a fan). I just have to have faith in myself. Faith in the thoughts of those who have already read my novel and said it was great. I know my feelings may get hurt but in the business of creativity, it is inevitable that someone will say something critical. I have to be able to read it, figure out if it is beneficial and apply the advice if necessary. I must also believe that there will be more good than bad. That I can tell a story. That if I weren't good and not so motivated to write that I wouldn't be editing my 2nd novel and starting my third soon. One thing I have learned is that you don't have to be destined to just do one thing. I don't have to just be a social worker. I don't just have to be a writer/author. I can be both...and I will. And I can use my passion for writing and helping others. One, I can use my ability to write to make the things I learn about substance abuse treatment available to a lot of people. Secondly, real life makes better stories. And my clients can provide inspiration for good stories (of course I will not break confidentiality). They will also give me insight into what people can relate to. I hope that my first novel does well. I hope that my stories connect to people on the deepest of levels. I hope the beginnings keep them reading and more importantly, that the endings make them want to read my next one.