What Do Women Want? (And an addendum)

Addendum to Healthcare Legislation: I am so tired of the hypocrisy of Republicans. First, they are insisting on being fiscally conservative but they weren't being fiscally conservative when they approved a war that cost on average 10 billion dollars a month and is part of the reason this country has such a tremendous deficit. They are also upset that Obama is calling for the Senate to use Reconciliation to get the legislation passed with a simple majority versus the usual filibuster. Well George W. used it to pass tax cuts to the wealthiest one percent of this country and they didn't have a problem with it then. One republican congressman says he disagrees with it this time because it has never been used to pass something on such a large scale and something that is 1/7 of the economy. Well, aren't taxes the basis of the economy and the sole source of government funds? I am so tired of them talking and talking and not doing anything. I am glad Obama is taking control, telling the republicans FUCK YOU, and doing what is best for us.

Now, on to what women want. Men have been trying to figure out since the beginning of time what women want. The problem however is that we don't really know what we want and I ask that men be a little patient.
It is difficult living in this world as a woman having conflicting ideas thrown at me about the type of woman I should be. On one hand I am told that I should be independent, self-sufficient, and not need or want a man. Needing or wanting a man is somehow anti-feminist. On the other hand, all of these images of weddings and marriages are also being thrown at me. I'm told that I should want to get married and be a mother, and without doing those things, I am not a real woman. So I shouldn't need a man but I should get married and ultimately need and want a man. It's a contradiction that women struggle with their entire lives.
We have to decipher what we truly want from what society thinks we should want and what we think we want. It's not an easy thing to do.
I believe feminism is about choice and not being forced to live my life a certain way. I want to be independent and self-sufficient, but I also want a man who is a gentleman and who is chivalrous. I want the guy to open the door, pay for a meal, and take charge of situations. But I also want respect as a woman and I want to be able to take care of myself. I know this screws with a guys head; there is a fine line guys have to learn not to cross from being a gentleman to infringing upon a woman's independence.
Honestly, I don't mind paying for meals or participating financially in my relationship, but even in my efforts to be a strong independent woman, I still want my man to take care of me on some level. There is this balance that has to be found.
I feel independence doesn't mean that I don't choose to be taken care of; it means that I am capable of taking care of myself but want a man who is also capable of taking care of me. Again, feminism is about choice. I want to know that I can take care of myself but that's not the life that I may choose. I may choose to be a housewife or a stay at home mom, but that doesn't make me any less of an independent woman. Before I chose that life, I chose to learn to take care of myself and that is what's most important.
Women need to take time and truly figure out what they want. Forget about who society says you should be, but focus on the life you believe will make you happy. If it is not important to you to learn to be self-sufficient and independent, that is your choice. If you want to get married and be completely dependent on your husband, that is your choice. If you decide you do not want to marry at all and be single, that is your choice. And this choice in particular should not prevent women from being mothers if they so choose. If you are in a relationship, but you don't want to get married, that is okay and there is nothing wrong with that. And I hate that women see the fun and joy in weddings and feel they are left out. I say, if you want to celebrate your commitment with someone, DO IT. Go ahead and have a huge party to celebrate your commitment to someone else; you don't have to get married to do that. I say, if you are a single woman, have a party to celebrate that. It is awesome to celebrate your choice not to take that path in life.
Women, don't let society influence your decisions, especially when figuring out what you want in life and what you want in relationships. And let me tell you, it is okay to want that chivalrous guy and still be independent. My boyfriend knows that is the kind of woman I am, and he is doing his best. :)
And women, you may want to give men a break. Men are easy; they want food and sex. That's pretty much it. Men typically say what they mean and don't hide what they want under layers and layers of subtext and innuendo. I will say, in the bedroom, men can be a little shy about what they want, but otherwise, they will tell you. Don't expect the man to figure you out and figure out what you want. Every woman is so different. My advice is to just tell him. Tell him the kind of man you want and need in your life. Tell him how you want him to act. For example, one day I was driving with my boyfriend and his best friend in the car. I had to stop for gas. Now, I'm used to the man I'm with to volunteer to pump my gas for me. If my brother, father, or cousin were in my passenger seat, they would just get out of the car and start pumping. Well, my boyfriend didn't do that and I was a little disappointed. Now instead of letting that incident fester and create tension, the next time we went to get gas I told him that I'd like him to offer to pump it for me. And I told him, it was just the principle of offering. Sometimes when he offers, I may say no. But I told him that in my eyes, a gentleman at least offers. And since then, he has been aware of that and has offered to pump my gas for me. There are some other things he does/doesn't do that I believe are ungentlemanly but I'll let him know about those things later. Honestly, he is a gentleman and he does treat me like a lady. I have no complaints. :)
So ladies, first figure out what you want beyond society's influence, and if it's the opposite of what society says, fuck society. You are your own person and you need to do what's best for you. When you figure out what you want, if that involves a man, tell him what you want. (Oh, just a little sidebar. Women, stop making these lists of what you want in a guy that only Jesus could live up to. They are people, not robots. And if a man told you he made a similar list, you would probably call him shallow or superficial. Men are human beings; you can't go to a website and create the perfect man and have him delivered to your house. Everyone has flaws; they key is to decide which flaws best mesh with yours. These lists only limit you and you could miss out on the right guy because you were so intent on achieving perfection. And no, there is not just one guy out there you could spend the rest of your life with. Prince Charming is only in fairy tales and there is a reason those stories are works of fiction.)Men, try to be a little patient and give us some time because most of us are still trying to figure out what we want. And honestly, so are a lot of you. So maybe we need to all take a deep breath and chill. We need to all be honest with ourselves and create the life we want, not the life we think we want and not the life society says we think we want.